May 28, 2010

Aiming for You.

There is so much going on inside lately but it's all too private to broadcast. I've been on a journey of becoming more free and it has not been the quick transportation that I was secretly hoping for... more like a slow saunter down an all-too-familiar old road.

Things may look & feel the same in my day-to-day, but I'm going somewhere new. I believe it. This is like the "one last goodbye" saunter where I look over the old ground and then turn away from it forever.

I've talked here about my struggle with intimacy and how it has affected every single part of who I am. I am currently on a journey of unpacking that struggle and basically choosing not to live that way anymore because it has all been based on a lie.

I can know deep intimacy. In friendships, in marriage, and in my relationship with God and my children.

Sometimes we are led to believe lies when we are SO young, and then we base our entire lives off of that falsity. It is not easy to backtrack and rebuild. But it is worth it. The God that I believe in is a Repairer of Broken Walls and a Restorer of Streets with Dwellings. He can wipe away this age-old lie and replace it with a foundation of flashing sapphires. And then, before you know it, He's hoisting up battlements of rubies and gates of precious stones. Over time, the "slimy sand-castle" way of existing becomes a distant dream, and the strength you feel running through you makes the very ground rumble as your enemy flees to cower under the shelter of a rock.

That is the strength of my God. Whom shall I fear?

Even though now it is a struggle every single moment to choose Him over the World, I know that this season will strengthen me and end in a good result, if I can only keep my eyes on Him. I am thankful for these tumultuous times. They are producing in me perseverance, which births character. And character brings forth hope. And hope, by its very nature, cannot disappoint.

Lord, watch over these faltering steps. I am aiming for You.

May 21, 2010

Brought Into Focus.

My super amazing friend, Cameron, took some family photos of us while he was visiting OKC recently for Joel & Morgan's wedding reception. I keep getting frustrated when I try to type out how much of a blessing this was to me, because I just don't feel like I can express it properly, but seeing these images somehow solidified something my heart that I didn't even know was squidgy.

We are a family of FOUR. There was something about seeing us... all four of us... smiling and being happy together that totally floored me. Seeing Myer included with all of us in a picture made him feel more real... like we really were blessed with this amazing boy and he's ours. To keep!! haha. (I probably sound like a wack-a-doo.)

We were a family of three for four years. That's a pretty good stretch of time. It became so normal and so a part of who I was... one of three... that it took something as simple as a photo of what we look like as a family from the outside to drive home the point that I have truly expanded myself and enlarged my heart again in the form of a whole new branch of this little family tree.

What an honor! What a joy! What a vital part he has become to us all! Every time I look at these photos I feel like I'm going to explode with all the thanksgiving and gratitude that wells up in my heart towards God. The God who multiplies and expands us in such beautiful ways. It's all just so amazing.

Go to Cameron's blog to see a few more shots- they are just a sampling of the wonderful work he created for us to keep and cherish forever and ever.

Thank you, Cam-sauce!! We love you so so much!!

May 17, 2010

The Craziest Thing I've Ever Experienced.

Seriously. It felt like the Armageddon. The wind was loud. The hail was deafening. Car alarms, house alarms, emergency sirens echoing through the neighborhood, kids squealing, husband hollering and jumping, glass breaking....

It only lasted about 5 minutes, but DANG.

We were watching our neighbor's kiddos when the storm hit, and it was quite the challenge to try and keep them all safely on the couch while trying not to spook them more than they were already spooked. Poor sweet munchkins! When it was all over, though, they were fascinated and excited- not scared. So that was good.

The storm troopers!

Our roof needs to be replaced. Our cars are both totaled, as far as we can tell. There are hundreds of huge golf ball sized dents on every square inch of them and the windshields are cracked. Some of our storm windows got busted. And our neighborhood is covered in leaves and branches and debris.

It was completely thrilling and awe inspiring.

God is big. And we are... not.

May 13, 2010

Growing out Short Hair.

Today my hair was making me want to... pull out my hair.

So, remembering a technique my dear friend Harmony taught me back in my college days, I grabbed some bobbypins and pinned it up.

And then this afternoon, I trimmed my bangs.

Ta-da! New hair!

I think this will really help as I trudge through the horrible stages that come with growing out my hairz. I recommend a truck load of bobbypins to anyone and everyone who is trying to go from short to long.

They are miracle workers, I tell ya!

May 4, 2010

Ezra & his Amazing Technicolor Dream Fish.

Ezra caught his first fish this weekend! He was thrilled/creeped out... just like his mother!

We threw the fish right back in the water and it swam away like a bat out of hell.

(What does that even MEAN anyway? Why bats? I mean, BATS, of all creatures in existence, should not be getting back out of hell after they die. They should be locked up in the hottest room for all eternity and made to wear little winter coats and scarves... no?)

Well, anyway, it swam away like a fish off the hook.

It's official: my California-born child is now an Okie through and through.

(I was sure a tiny trout was going to grab hold of that hook and teach my baby to water ski.)

What a little man he is becoming.

It baffles me.