March 30, 2009

Muscle Man.

Myer has this new trick he does where whenever I put him down to sleep, he pushes himself all the way up on his arms until even his bellybutton is off the mattress. At first, he's REAL proud of himself and has a big goofy grin on his face. But then, after a minute or two of this insane feat of strength, he starts crying... like "halp me!" crying... because he CAN'T FIND HIS WAY BACK DOWN.

And maybe this makes me an insensitive mamma, but I find this to be absolutely HILARIOUS. And I laugh at him. Outloud. While taking pictures.

He gets even more upset when, after pushing himself up into the cobra pose, his head swings over to the side and flips him over onto his back. This pisses him off so thoughroughly that you'd think someone snuck in there and told him that alllll the boobs in the world had suddenly (and inexplicably) disappeared.

Oh the horror!

A little daddy time makes it all better, though.

He also loves playing with the hair on the left side of his head. He twirls it around in his fingers while he simultaneously sucks on his other hand. This assures me that he will (indeed) be a powerful CEO of a fortune 500 company someday. Because, you know... such a little multi-tasker already! That's like rubbing your head and patting your belly at the same time- and at only 11 weeks old! Heck, I can't even do that.


March 26, 2009

Guaranteed Mystery.

"I do not at all understand the mystery of grace - only that it meets us where we are but does not leave us where it found us."

-Anne Lamott

Just wanted to say a quick thank you to all of you for your precious emails and comments on my last post. They have blessed me more than I can begin to convey.

I am feeling very alive. Very raw. Like life is a wild animal and I'm not sure what to expect from it. Is it going to dart mysteriously away into the thicket once again? Is it going to befriend me all Mowgli & Baloo-like and keep me safe from harm?

Or is it only moments away from chomping my face off?

Ahh, the joys of the mysteries of life.

It's only mundane if you allow it to be, no?

March 25, 2009

Abandoned Room.

image found here.

There is a part of me that's been long abandoned... A room in my heart whose only door has been wallpapered over. The dust gathers on the floor while an old pain sits and rocks itself mechanically in the corner. All freshness has left the air.

I used to have so much more confidence in myself, in my giftings and the things that made me unique. I used to create boldly and lead bravely and follow the stars in my eyes. I never would have thought it would come to this... this slapping off of the lights in a part of me once filled with light and laughter and joy.

Do you know the feeling I'm speaking of? The sinking shutting-down? The slow amputation? Or perhaps the sudden violent absorption- as if that piece of you had never even been?

Do you have such a room in your heart?

All the grand dreams and plans I had for my life have been whittled down to mere amusements... cute little things that I do in my spare time.

When did I stop taking myself seriously? When did I begin laughing off and belittling the largest parts of who I am?

I've allowed some people in my life to have more sway over me than they had right to. Their opinions of me and their thoughts about these giftings of mine became absolute truth. If they disapproved of me, it obviously meant that I was just not good enough. If they placed expectations on my shoulders and I failed to meet them, the natural conclusion in my mind was that I was a failure.

The result of this allowance was the red hot shame that would burn my cheeks when they were near. I could no longer look them in the eyes. I knew I was a disappointment.

And that's when I heard it. The metallic bolting of a lock somewhere deep inside.

The fear of failure... no, maybe more accurately: the Expectancy Of Failure rushed into my life- slamming doors closed with the force of it's entrance. No longer would I put myself in a position to be a big fat let down. No longer would I risk looking silly or inexperienced for the sake of trying something new.

My life since then has become a side-stepping of any and all expectations. If I avoid people's expectations, there's no way I can let them down. Maybe then they won't see that I don't measure up. If I never try for or start anything new, I will never fail.

And, wouldn't you know it? It's true! I've removed all possibilities of failure from my life! I'm safe from harsh judgements and no one is ever disappointed in me! No one is even aware of my enormous capacity to let them down, and I haven't felt the searing eyes of disapproval since!

It is hell.

I want my room back. I want to throw open its windows and fluff up its pillows. I want to put on an old jazz record and paint the walls turquoise.

I feel like God is asking me to reclaim this space in my heart. And He's asking me to do it in THE MOST bizarre way.


He's asking me to repent of my wrong thoughts. Wrong thoughts of Him, yes, but also- wrong thoughts of myself. As His creation. I chose to believe that I was a failure when He's clearly told me I am not. I chose to believe that I would never amount to anything, when He's clearly told me that I will. He doesn't only say these things in the Bible, He has personally whispered them to my disjointed little heart. Over and over and over again. And I have chosen not to listen. I have believed the lies instead, and so I must repent. He's given me these gifts for a reason, and that reason is not to cast them down in the dirt and claim false humility.

If I ever want to move beyond the place I'm stuck in now, I have to turn away from these wrong thoughts. I need to understand that my father GRIEVES when I cling to lies and attempt to build up shabby little walls to keep Him out.

So, Lord, if you're a blog reader, hear this:

I'm so very sorry. Forgive my backwards heart.

Now, grab a paintbrush. These walls could use a coat or two.

March 22, 2009

This is a Mullet-Free Zone.

A few of you have asked to see what the back of my hair looks like. I can only assume that you're interested in the back of my head because you're concerned that I've gone and acquired a mullet. AGAIN.

(The first time I ever cut my hair short, when I was a freshman in high school, I was given a mullet. AND NO ONE BOTHERED TO TELL ME.)

Thank you for your concern.

As of now, I am a mullet-free zone. Although this cut has some gnarly rat-tail potential, yes? I could grow a rat-tail to the middle of my back and braid it!

PS. Taking a picture of the back of one's head is... not as easy as it looks.
I'm pretty sure I pulled something.

Speaking of hair, (okay it's official. This is no longer a mommy blog. It's a HAIR blog.) I gave Ezra's long locks a drastic trim the other day after he was mistaken for a girl not ONCE, but TWICE in the same 24 hour period. I figure a free haircut will go a long way to prevent some of the costs of therapy he would probably need later in life from being called a girl so much when he was little.



Awww... what a tough little manly man he is!

(Except when he sees bugs.)

March 21, 2009

Gifts of the Hands, Gifts of the Heart.

Chris' sister and her husband were in town last weekend, and we all had such a great time with them! They truly know how to give of themselves and make you feel loved.

They brought Myer & Ezra some of the most amazing gifts EVER.

Candace made this crochet blanket...

... and these incredible crocheted space toys.

And a friend of theirs made this bird/branch mobile that we hung over Myer's crib. SO COOL!!!!

And, while I'm on the topic, I've been meaning to showcase some of the unbelievable things that people have made for my son... things that have so much love and thought wrapped up in them that I can hardly think of it without tears stinging my eyes. That's one amazing facet of becoming a mother- when people show kindness to your children, it feels like kindness towards yourself. Only amplified. By a whole lot. And it's almost like you suddenly have more of a capacity to feel love - because you've multiplied yourself and now every kindness shown to your kids is also a kindness showered upon YOU.

Jess made this amazing pillow, onesie, and wall hanging (while she herself was extremely preggers):

Question: how do people get so stinkin' talented? She should sell these on etsy and become a millionaire.

My friend Erin made these blocks (that have chimes in them!) and this owl blanket:

I know! I know! Another etsy millionaire, right? (The cute Owl softie is from Stellabird. LOVE IT.)

Next, the sweet Lorie, whom I've never even had the joy of meeting face-to-face, mailed us this personalized owl tree mobile, which will dangle over myer's changing table to keep him occupied while I wipe his bum.

Adorable, no???!?!? The tree trunk has a heart with Chris & I's initials in the middle, and our kid's initials on the outside. SO special and precious to me. And guess what? She's got some like it in her etsy store! (Is anyone else sensing an etsy theme here today?)

Also, a wonderfully thoughtful gift from my friend Nikki and her mother:

The SOFTEST blanket and burp cloths EVER!! Whenever I throw one of these burpies over my shoulder and smoosh my son's face onto it, I get jealous, people. It's like having a luxury day spa on my shoulder. These have been a lifesaver!

And, lastly, here are some gifts that my mommy & daddy ordered for myer. Gifts that I adore:

This customized owl blanket from a company called Admiral Road.

And this gorgeous paper owl mobile that they got from Amazon. (It's been great having more than one mobile for over the crib because we can switch them every once in awhile and it keeps things interesting for my little chunk-a-monk.)


Such great stuff... such great friends and family. It makes me want to be a better friend myself... showing others I care in tangible, heartfelt ways.

And it also makes me want to buy a sewing machine. Except... I wouldn't have any clue how to use it all fancy like that.

But I can sew a mean semi-straight line if you ever need one. (Yeah. YOU'RE WELCOME.)

March 18, 2009

Gummy Bear.

Would you like to see the yumminess?

"Mees a bear! rawr!"

Oh! And here's the yumminess coated in unicorn sugar:

Many tales of our busy week to come! Just... not right now. Right now I sleep.


March 12, 2009

Interview with Ezra- age 4.

(Thanks for the idea, Flo!)

1. What is something mommy always says to you?
I love you.

2. What makes mommy happy?
When I kiss you.

3. What makes mommy sad?
When I hit you.

4. How does your mom make you laugh?
Tickling me!

5. What was your mom like as a child?
I don't know.

6. How old is your mom?

7. How tall is your mom?

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
Play with me

9. What does your mom do when you're not around?
go to the stores and mall and stuff and restaurants.

10. If your mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
I don't know.

11. What is your mom really good at?
Crossbows & Catapults game.

12. What is your mom not very good at?
Army tank game.

13. What does your mom do for her job?

14. What's your mom's favorite food?

15. What makes you proud of your mom?
When she eats all her food.

16. If your mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?

March 10, 2009

This & That.

They say it's pretty typical for a baby to double his or her birth weight by about 6 months.

Unless you are Myer Elliot, of course. If you are Myer Elliot, you just go ahead and double your birth weight by TWO months.

You know those little growth chart thingys, where they can tell you what percentile your baby is in in comparison to all the other little babies? Yeah... we're not on that chart. We've blown the top right off of that chart.

My goofy little non-conformist! Refusing to be boxed in or held down by charts and graphs and things... what a rebel!

Two month stats:
Height: 23.5 inches (75th percentile)
Weight: 15.8 lbs (1 majillionth percentile)

{Ezra was, comparatively, in the 10th percentile range at this age. TINY.}

He is a happy, healthy boy... much much more smiley than Ezra ever was. He is the greatest little side-kick I could ever imagine... I am completely smitten with him and his adorable personality. He coos and laughs and lights up when he sees my face. I find myself missing him when he's been asleep for any amount of time. It's kindof ridiculously crazy how very much in love I am.


In other news- yes! I love my new hairz! THANK YOU THANK YOU for all your input!!

I feel like a new woman. A much lighter, more radiant, easy-maintenance woman. It makes me feel sassy. And younger somehow. And I love being able to roll out of bed and not have to do ANYTHING to it- just stick a bobby pin in it and go!

Although, the 'hair to shampoo' ratio is going to take some getting used to. I keep putting gobs of shampoo in my hand and then realizing I only needed a drop. Doh!


I went to the new thrift store by my house today while Ezra was at school, and I was totally blown away by the amount of amazing stuff they had in there. It also happened to be a 1/2 off day, so I bought 3 bags of clothes for only $15. And I absolutely LOVE it all! I'll have to post pics of my finds over on my vintage blog. With such a great store right around the corner, I just might have to start up my vintage eBay business again!



Lastly, let's play a little game I call 'Compare the Babies!' Here's the 7 week comparison of the boys:

**Boop!** End mental upchucking.

March 4, 2009

"Uhh...She sure talks about HAIR an awful lot."

Okay, y'all.

I'm thinking I might go for it. I'm thinking I might chop my hair off. Mostly because my hubby says he'd really like it, and also because, as some of you mentioned: Hey! It's just hair! It gets cut and grows back and it's fun!

Here are the two cuts I'm looking at:

(hey! she went to my high school!)



If I do this, I'm going to get it cut by an actual professional this time, rather than just taking scissors to it myself. A real haircut! Squeeee!! Also- I might color it. Part of me wants to go dark because I think that's what makes the cut so darn cute, but Chris thinks maybe something lighter like a medium brown? Or maybe leaving it blonde?

I'm torn.

Speaking of "torn", remember natalie imbruglia? she had cute hair too:

You know the drill... thoughts? opinions? Which cut do you like? (if at all?) Which color?

I was thinking of waiting to cut it until I reached my pre-preggo weight- as sortof a "hurrah!!"- but it turns out I'm only three pounds off as of now. I figure that's probably just milk weight, (heh) so I'm going to go for it!

(Or not!?)

Help? AGAIN?

You guys are the best. :)