January 19, 2011
The Possibility of Last Pregnancies.
It seems that every pregnancy has been a bit more uncomfortable than the one before it, and this time around the pain has manifested itself mostly in my tailbone (read: BUTT) and my lower back. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being pregnant, but each time has been harder on my body than the time before.
It's a little bit like 'how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop'? And my answer is... three? Maybe? Third time's a charm? I remember when I was pregnant with Myer, I KNEW that it wasn't my last pregnancy. It just didn't feel like the last time. At all. But this time around, the thought of this being the last is much more... comfortable.
The thought of, "Awww, this may be the last time I feel a little alien kicking around on the inside of me!" makes me feel a little bit more on the EXCITED side than the depressed side this go around. haha.
All that being said, I still feel a leeeeetle bit sad that this pregnancy is already flying by so quickly. I absolutely love being pregnant. I love the sweet connection you can have with other mothers who you don't even know... the knowing glance and smile from a woman in the grocery store. And I absolutely LOVE it when people touch/rub my belly. I don't even have to know you, there is just something magnetic about a big round baby bump, I think, and I love it when people feel comfortable enough to just reach out and connect with the life growing inside of me.
I have never understood why so many women FREAK OUT about the fact that someone touched their belly. I'm not even a very touchy-feely person, but I just love the way that pregnancy can break down all the "social status-quos" and allow people to be excited and celebrate for a moment together even though they may not know each other very well. Or at all! New life has this glorious way of drawing us together, and that is one of my absolute favorite things about being pregnant.
This is also why I was hoping that, just ONCE, I would be able to be pregnant in a season that wasn't the dead of winter. But it never worked out that way, and, I think, about 80% of the time, when I'm out and about or wherever, people STILL don't even know that I am pregnant... because I have to completely smother myself in a gigantic coat to combat the freezing air. I've even had people I KNOW at church (like, last week) look at me and say "I didn't even know you were expecting!"
I blame the monster coat.
I would have loved to experience pregnancy in the Spring or even Summer- when skirts and dresses and flip-flops are (comfy) options for a growing belly. (Remember my 'I'm pregnant and HATE PANTS' post? STILL VERY MUCH APPLIES.)
Anywho, I guess I am just feeling like this might be it, which makes part of me do the happy dance (my tailbone [read: butt] and lower back parts mostly) while the other parts of me just want to sit and stare out a window and contemplate what that means as this season of my life comes to a close. Hahaha... what a mental picture I've just painted for you. Me, sitting in a chair, happy dancing AND being deeply contemplative. That's looney bin behavior!
Of course, I have no idea what God has in store for my family and all of this 'feeling like this is the last pregnancy' could change in the future, if He so chooses to change it, but for now, this is where I'm at:
Happy and a wee bit sad, still wishing that I didn't have to wear pants.