June 25, 2008

On Hoping for A Girl.

I have found it surprisingly difficult to say "I'm really hoping for a girl" out loud.

There appears to be an unwritten code out there telling expectant parents that hoping for one sex or another for their baby is taboo. Tacky. Bad karma.

But- shoot darn it all to heck dang! I want a girl! I do, I do! A mini me.

Does this mean I may feel a bit disappointed if we find we're having another boy? Heck yes, it might! And that's okay! Hoping for one sex or another is natural, and I believe every parent feels it to some degree or another. But bottling up these feelings of hoping for a girl won't help me out one iota in the long run. I'd rather be open and honest about these hopes now so that I can be open and honest about feeling a bit disappointed later on. I think that's a healthy place to be.

Does this mean I will not love a little boy as much as I would love a little girl? Abso-frickin-lutely not. Just give me some baby cheeks to munch on and all will be well with the world. Boy cheeks? Girl cheeks? They all have the same munch-a-bility to meeee!

monch. monch.

I would not be alive today if my mother had not desperately wanted a baby girl.

She had two boys. They'd planned to stop at two children. Yet, they decided to try one last time for the girl my mother had dreamed of having.

When I was born, my dad cried, "It's a BOY!"

My mom's heart sank a little.

Then the doctor said, "Umm, no... it's a GIRL!"

My mom's heart soared a lot.

So, I've decided to cut out the apologetic, 'oh-but-if-its-a-boy-we'll-be-just-as-thrilled' bit, and get straight to the honesty.

OF COURSE we'd love to have another boy.

OF COURSE the more important thing is the baby's health. (BTW- why do people always pull this card when someone says they are hoping for a boy or hoping for a girl? Does my saying 'I want a girl' imply that I am not as concerned as I should be with the baby's overall health? Gar!)

And OF COURSE I trust that God knows what's best for me and my family and has the exact, perfect human being (designed specifically for us!) headed our way.

These things are obvious- too obvious to require endless restating.

So, from now on, I'm saying it confidently.

I am dreaming for a girl.


How about you? Have any of you felt it was difficult to express your desire for a girl or boy? Or do any of you feel it's tacky when an expecting parent blatantly says they are hoping for a specific sex? Why/why not?


Tracee said...

I blatantly wanted a girl. would have been crushed to only have boys. Nothing unusual or taboo about it. If there is - I don't care. I got a girl. Thank God!

sufferingsummer said...

When I was pregnant with my first I really wanted a boy and thought I was having a boy so when we found out it was a girl I was pretty much in denial until she came. I felt a tad guilty wanting a boy like I was supposed to not want one or the other but like you said I think it is entirely natural to want one or the other. With my second everyone assumed I'd want a boy because we had a girl but I really really wanted another girl. This time around I felt no need to justify at all I wanted a girl and I said it (and incidentally got it) Honestly I'd rather just hear the truth than listen to another Mom talk about how they'd be happy either way followed with that tell tale 'but...'
good for you! I vote that in this case honesty is the best policy.

Anna Peterson said...

I love how you pount out that God will put a little person in your family who is perfectly designed for you! That is such a great observation!


What's so funny is that I didn't have the girl-want at all until I found out I was having one. Now? I'm DYING of happiness. I always thought I'd be a mother to all boys and I was RELIEVED by that idea. Not now. Oh and the Dwell bedding you have above? LOVE.

MoMar said...

I vote for absolute honesty. Say what you think as long as you think about what you say ... there is absolutely no shame in wishing for one sex or the other. It's part of the fun. It goes WITHOUT SAYING that you wish for a healthy baby and will love and adore whatever has been designed for you.

Lisa said...

I think it is perfectly normal to wish for one sex. I did. I definitely wanted a girl and I'm excited that we're having one. Although initially after finding out I was a little freaked about whether or not I would be a good enough or girly enough mom.

Mercy Kidz said...

It dosent bother me when people say what htey want. I feel like im in a good place becuase both would be a good answer for us. HOnestly threee boys would be so fun, but so would two boys and a girl. Im excitted for either, almost cant decide wich I want more so its good that someone else makes it!

Beth A. said...

I didn't feel guilty about wanting a boy when I was pregnant 3 years ago...but I felt like an outcast. Like no one believed that I truly TRULY wanted a little boy. They seemed to think that being a woman, I should want to have a girl. I felt like I had to justify it...and that made me upset. I still haven't decided what I'd want when we get pregnant again, but I think it always goes without saying that every parent wishes for a healthy baby. :) And here's to hoping you get a lovely baby girl to add to your family! A mini-Emery would perfectly balance out the mini-Chris you already have. :)

Hunny Bee May said...

My sentiments exactly. Of course you put so much better than I ever could. I really want a girl this time too. And I totally agree on the whole 'just want a healthy baby' deal. I've thought the same thing....I want a healthy baby too, who happens to be a girl. So sue me.
Anyhoo.....here's hoping to sugar and spice and everything nice for us shameless girl-wanters! Hope all your pink dreams come true!

Liz said...

When I was pregnant with my first, we decided to let it be a surprise, but I was sure we were having a boy, and that's just what I wanted. Sure enough, we have a beautiful boy.

This time we decided to find out. Everyone assumed that we would want a girl next because we have a boy. But we both wanted a boy so our son can have a brother. Yay, we're having a boy! But it does feel like no one believes we are satisfied with a boy.

Anyway, God has a plan for us all. In our case, both are boys will have birhtdays within days of each other (if not the same) and we are so excited to welcome him into our family.

skylana said...

oh my gosh... YES. i feel this way ALL the time.. the same with feeling like i'm not excited this time and people just want to say how i'm going to love it when it gets here.. uh... duh. i'm just sad not made of stone. its totally great to hope for what you want. i hoped and definitely believed ara was a girl. this time i wanted a boy so that i wouldn't have to let go of ara being the only girl, but in reality i never ever wanted to actually have a boy, i'm just not that kinda girl :) but when they said it was a girl i was devastated and i cried, and then at our 'whats in the womb party' i was not excited enough for anyone. but i was honest, and i've worked through all of that and now i'm really glad its a girl... anyway blah blah blah all that to say i TOTALLY understand... i HATE when people say 'as long as its healthy' which not only implies that you care more about it being a girl than its health but also implies that you might not love it or something if its not healthy.... so... really it doesnt make any sense. ok.... i'm done. hope hope hope. and dont feel bad if you cry if it is a boy...

Sta said...

I felt exactly the same way. When the ultrasound lady told me it was a boy, my heart sank. I almost starting crying. I too agree that it is perfectly normal to hope for one sex or the other, and perfectly OK to feel disappointment when you don't get what you're hoping for. I've grown quite comfortable, even excited, now with the idea of having a boy, and I can't wait to meet him in three weeks. But that doesn't mean I won't be rooting for a girl again next time!

kachina said...

My worst nightmare is having all boys. Is that bad? My boyfriend has ALL boys in his family. ALL. I always tell him...if we get married and have kids, you better give me some girls. Period. I'm glad that you're honest with yourself and with us! I could be wrong, but I think you're going to have a little girl. But, I could be wrong. ; )

hope and jo's mom said...

I was so mad when I found out that Hope was a girl. I was sure that i would only have boys...but i got 2 beautiful girls and i would never change it. They are awesome! But I did feel weird saying that I was mad when I found out I was having a girl, I think I even cried a little and people looked at me funny, like i should be thankful for a healthy baby - which i was!! I just wanted a boy. Oh and when we decided to get Caleb fixed my mother in law kept saying "dont you think Caleb wants a little boy?" Caleb has always said he is perfectly happy with his two girls and couldnt ask for more. I love that you have chosen the honesty route...tell anyone that looks at you funny or says that your baby can hear you and what your saying is giving them a complex -SOMEONE SAID THAT TO ME ONCE!! Tell them to suck it.

Megan said...

I'm just going to say with absolute frankness and honestly that I WOULD REALLY JUST LIKE A FREAKIN' BABY.

Now if only my husband would get board.


Laura said...

I'm STILL disappointed that he's a boy... and he's 6 months old.
I have very little confidence in my ability to be a Boy Mom - despite what others have told me.
I am SUCH a girl person. Nobody I know even pictured me having ab oy.
I desperately would like a little girl in the future, and I will be quite disappointed if my next child is a boy.
I've been totally frank about these feelings all along - and although I still feel guilty about it, it's something that I can't deny.


i think i may come from a bit of a different perspective than some... i think it's perfectly natural to want what you want. even if you aren't openly honest, you're honest with yourself. can't exactly hide that. i wanted a girl. when i got the results from our cvs procedure, saying we would be having a healthy baby boy, i cried a lot. then i adjusted and was excited for our healthy baby boy. and then, i found out he wasn't as healthy as they had initially said. then all i wanted was a healthy baby, something i might never get the chance to have.

i have only ever been around healthy babies. i expected nothing less for us. i don't even think i considered that possibility, not really. to be honest, i still cry and get a bit jealous every time i see another healthy baby born into this world, boy or girl. i would dare to say that many people take for granted their healthy babies.

so while i think it's perfectly natural and good to dream openly about what you want, i'm one of those who now say, the most important thing is having a healthy baby. and i'm being just as honest.

Zimms Zoo said...

I am pregnant with number 6 and would like a girl. But a boy would even things out and that is what the boys want.

But my sil had a baby 6 weeks ago and she is so very sick. So I have to say that this time around I would really be happy with whichever, I am just praying for a healthy baby. (but another little girl would be nice)

Katy said...

YAY FOR A BABY GIRL! :-) I hope you get what you want! However, even though you are pregnant doesn't mean you get away with not updating as often!!! I wanna hear more about the daily pregnant stories and updates more often girl!! LOL!!!!

--Your blog stalkers need you!!!!--

Angie said...

I didn't really care with my first child whether we had a boy or girl. If my first had been a boy, I would definitely have been hoping for a girl with the second. I don't think I would at all have been disappointed with two girls. Part of me was hoping for a second girl, just because I had a younger brother, who was a pain. I always thought older brothers were better.

So, really, yeah, I get you. A good friend of mine, cried at her 2nd and 3rd boys' ultrasounds. She got pregnant (post-vasectomy) with #4 and it's a girl!!

Talia said...

I think you are exactly right. God created us to have hopes and dreams, so go ahead and have them. The thing is to know it's all in His hand and to be CONTENT and rejoice in whatever He sends our way-- and I know you will be able to do just that.
In the meanwhile, we will all think happy girl thoughts for you!! :) Are you going to find out the gender before baby is born??

Sara said...

Both times I have been pregnant we didn't find out what we were having and both times I convinced myself, before the big day that it was a boy so that I wouldn't feel disappointed. I never had a girl. Am I disappointed? Yes. I freely admit that and I am sure that there are people that think that I'm awful for saying that.

However, I wouldn't give you one of my boys for a girl at this minute if given the chance. I think that's obvious. But I have had to grieve not ever having a baby girl. I have felt myself getting ANGRY with people who have a boy and a girl. It's so stupid, but it's true. Every time one of our friends tells us that they are pregnant, I pray that it's a boy so that I can feel actual happiness for them and not resentment. I am sure I'd get over it, but I haven't had to yet.

Now, knowing that I will never have a girl, I am grateful in ways that I never considered while hoping and praying for one. I will never have a teenage daughter. I will never have to deal with bras and make-up or periods. But I also won't have a princess to throw a huge wedding for and the reality is - boys move on and girls always stay close to home. I fear for the day that my boys choose their girlfriend over me and she becomes their wife. I won't resent them, but a little bit of me will die, I am certain.

Life is funny and we don't always get what we want, and I've accepted that, for the most part. There are days I still pout over it, but then my baby (just over 1) climbs into my lap and entwines his chubby fingers into my hair and I know, with all of my heart, that I really could not ask for more.

Cheeziemommie said...

I remember being surprisingly disappointed when we had an ultrasound with our first (1st viable anyway) and they said it was a boy. I thought I really wanted a boy but then I was bummed! It was really weird! But funnily enough the ultrasound was read wrong and we really did have a girl!
Oh and YAY for honesty :)

Cristina Mathers said...

so glad to have someone finally say it! i always wanted girls and had no problem expressing that. especially for some reason with our second, i wanted it to be another girl. wierd, i know.

and i am willing to be money that here in cali there is a girl whose name rhymes with bessica fleetwood, who is wishing for a too!

Cristina Mathers said...

that was supposed to say...wishing for a girl too..

Anna Ingalls said...

You are so cute.....we need to plan our trip out there soon! Before the Year is over....wootwoot!