My Favorite Post.

I'm re-posting my favorite post that I've written so far. Because I can't muster up anything else to say right now. I feel blank and troubled and confused as to why. I feel like something in me has given up, but I don't know what it is or why its little knees have suddenly given out. When I got out of bed today, I felt like a different person. And this is unsettling at best.

This post is from last December. I titled it "Heart Dust."


I woke up this morning and reluctantly crawled out from under my warm blankets. The old heater was clicking again- the sound of the temperamental pilot light that won't ignite until I flip the thermostat
on and off.
on and off.
on and off.
I crouched by the closet door and waited for the deep hum that told me she was lit and waited for the warm air that would once again push through the floor vents like a sigh of relief. I felt quiet inside. My heart felt raw and withered. The yard sparkled white and the heater took deep breaths and my busy mind said nothing.
I wrapped my cardigan tight around my body and went towards the morning whimpers. Ezra stood in his crib. His hair reached upward on one side and lay flat on the other. His right ear glowed red from being smooshed against the sheets and the warm air drifted up out of the vent across the room. He rubbed his eyes.
Slowly, I turned the blinds to reveal the snowy landscape and I whispered in his bright pink ear "This is snow."
That pile of leaves I never gathered up was now an unidentifiable white mound in the yard. A single pair of tire tracks in the street spoke of an early riser. He stared out the window as if still dreaming and yawned. His body shook with chills and he wrapped his arms around my neck. The heater breathed deeply. The house slowly warmed and creaked. The yard sparkled.
My heart shook off its gathered dust, gave in, and sparkled back.