A Tale of the Slow Errosion of my Will.

Yesterday, I found a package on my doorstep from the company in charge of the Thomas the Train Recall. Ezra was napping, so I opened it up to find our free gift that they had promised to send- a little green train named Oliver.

I was excited to surprise Ezra with his new toy when he woke up from his nap, so I set it up on the counter until then. After he woke up, I got him some snacks and then I grabbed the train and hid it behind my back. I went up to Ezra and I crouched down and said, "Hey, buddy! I've got something for you behind my back! Pick an arm!"

He pointed to my right arm, and I whisked Oliver out from his hiding place- much to Ezra's delight.



He was happy as a clam until about 5 minutes later, when he started whining and saying something like "ack!" and pointing towards me. I was all confused and couldn't figure out why he was getting so upset. Then, he kept going behind me and lifting up my dress, like he was looking for something back there. Umm...

Apparently, since I'd said "Pick an arm!", Ezra was under the impression that he was going to receive TWO new toys, seeing as how I have TWO arms. (Completely logical, duh!) The next couple of hours were spent with me trying to explain to Ezra that he only got ONE new toy, and that I really really really wasn't hiding another new toy under my dress. Cross my heart and hope to die. Stick a needle in my eye. No, really... do. Perhaps the pain would distract from the whiiiiining. heh.

It was like he'd suddenly decided I was a toy dispenser or something... Like I could snap my fingers and Thomas toys would just come flying out (in abundance!) from underneath my clothing somehow. After a couple hours of this, I began wishing I really did have that super power. Except, maybe instead of Thomas Toys, I could command the universe to dispense CHILL PILLS from under my garments. And, also? Maybe some earplugs.

Later, he found the little sheet that came with his new train, Oliver... the one with the pictures of ALL THE THOMAS TOYS EVER MADE on it, so that moms and dads can be hassled into buying MORE, MORE, MORE! right after their little ones open up their brand new trains. Brilliant marketing strategy, no?

We spent a lot of time looking at all the trains on the sheet, and then he finally narrowed it down to ONE THING on there that he absolutely had to have. It was a 'mountain overpass' toy that you can add to your existing train track. He kept pointing at it and saying, "I want dat, pees? Pees? Dat pees mamma?"



I did the only logical thing that could be done in a situation like this.

I told him to ask his daddy.

When Chris came home, Ezra bolted into his room and grabbed the sheet with the toy on it. He ran up to Chris and said, "Dadda? Dat? Pees? I want dat pees dadda?", And then he immediately ran around to Chris' back and lifted up his shirt.

Oh, you should have seen the look on Chris' face. It was like "I'm sorry... Am I missing something here??" HAHAHHA.

Turns out, Mr. Mountain Overpass toy is a $50 chunk of painted wood, so we distracted Ezra for the rest of the evening with his gobs of OTHER FUN TOYS while I quietly destroyed the scheming toy sheet so as to prevent another assault of "I WANT, PEES!"

(And by 'destroying it', I mean throwing it in the garbage can in the kitchen. Where he promptly found it again this morning while throwing something away. And then dug it out of the trash and brought it over to me again... Pointing to that darned overpass and lifting up my shirt every 5 minutes or so.)

Brilliant, Emery. Just BRILLIANT. At this rate, I see an overpass in my near future.

Or a garbage can with a locking lid.

WORN DOWN.