I've been feeling restless- like I'm wanting to find exitement and meaning... a tangible goal to aim my life towards. Something on the other side of my front door. Something to wake up to and fight for and work hard for. Something to strive towards and earn. Something that is mine completely. I've heard it said that this feeling is quite common for stay-at-home moms such as myself.
Yet, at the same time, I've also been feeling really l a z y. Like the effort to go anywhere is too much and I can think of a million-and-one excuses why it would be much more logical to just STAY HOME. I haven't wanted to call anyone or hang out at all. When I do have the opportunity to go out somewhere on my own, I suddenly realize that I have no idea where I'd go and even less motivation to physically get there. (One can only wander the isles of Target so often... You know it has become too often when you start to notice the misplaced items on the shelves, and before you know what you're doing, you are taking the item back to its proper place... shaking your head like you just stumbled upon your husband's dirty laundry on the floor again after repeated attempts to get him to just PUT IT IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET ALREADY.)
I find myself wishing that I had more time for myself... more of a 'life'. Then comes the full-blown pity party where I tell myself life 'isn't fair'... all the while knowing FULL WELL that if someone were to walk up to me right now and say, "Okay, Emery! Free unlimited babysitting for as long as you want it, starting now! You're free to do whatever you want!", I would STILL find excuses to stay home and take way too many baths and read way too many books and eat way too many Pepperoni Pizza Hot Pockets. (But they're LEAN pockets, people! That means they're 'healthy and really good for you', right?) (This is the part where I pretend I'm on a diet.)
So, how do I kick my lazy butt into gear already? How do I become motivated as a mother and as a human being again?
And, while we're at it, how do I get plastic forks out of my VCR and slices of quesedilla out of my DVD Player?
(And don't say tweezers, because I've already tried that.)