June 13, 2006

Breaking Up is Hard to Do...

It's been a rough few days again. I feel so tired and so OVER this somedays. Like I could really use a long vacation where I could just switch off from 'diaper duty' and 'don't put that in your mouth duty' and 'NO we're NOT going outside again right now because it's 104 DEGREES outside duty'....

I'm trying to be a good mommy but I feel like I have no energy at the moment. I don't feel creative at all. So, Ezra watches "Toy Story" and "Sword in the Stone" while he eats his lunch (he's suddenly refusing to eat anything but hotdogs and blueberries), and I feel this constant dialouge running in my head that's telling me I'm not doing enough... That Ezra needs more from me. So, motivated by guilt, we head to the park that's a few blocks away and he runs around for about 30 seconds before he turns beet red and starts dripping with sweat. note to self: Too hot. Plan B: Barnes & Noble... Again.

There was this great little girl at B&N today, though, that was making Ezra laugh so hard he was snorting. She was about 4, (she only spoke French), and she would cover the bridges on the train set with her arm while Ezra pushed the trains under them, and for some reason Ezra found this more amusing than if Elmo himself had showed up with a box full of puppies and garden hoses. It was so funny. I was almost expecting a stuffy book-store employee to pop up out of nowhere and "SHOOSH" us for being far too loud in their quiet 'reading environment'... But, even if that would've happened, I wouldn't have cared, because there was NOTHING more adorable happening ANYWHERE on the face of the Earth in that moment, and I wasn't going to let anything spoil it.

Cute little French girl had to leave, though, and the look on Ezra's face as she left was just heartbreaking. He watched her go and then ran up to me while whimpering and pointing in her direction. "It's Okay little munk munk", I whispered. "This just means that you get all the trains to yourself!" He moped back over to the table and I watched him cover the bridges with his own arm while trying to push the trains through at the same time, but it just wasn't the same.

Don't be so sad, little Ezra. Someday I just know you'll find yourself a nice girl who will make you laugh until you snort and who won't ever leave your side.

Handsome little monkey throwing back some cold milk.

1 comment:

Cheatwoods said...

Emery, Im going to tell you this with love! Stop trying to be so amazing unstopible mother super hero woman! No one is!! Just enjoy him, I promise you that all those feelings of guilt well go away!! You ask to much of yourself!!
Im sorry little guy got his first heart breack! So dose this mean your probubly going to have little french grandbabies?? He must like hairy french women!! Cool!! LOVe you and chill out ok!!!!