September 29, 2010

If It's a Girl.


15 weeks pregnant!


***Clarification: We aren't finding out the gender this time around, so this is all a big IF! ***

I realized the other day that if this baby is a girl, I'm going to have to teach her how to actually BE a girl. I believe that this was one of the most terrifying thoughts I have possibly ever had, excepting for that time long ago when I had convinced myself that there were stingrays living in my carpet- just waiting for me to step on them so they could attack my ankles.

(Hey, those things are SCARY. They totally took out the Crocodile Hunter! The CROCODILE HUNTER!!)

I think I am probably one of the most unqualified women in the world for the task of raising a young girl, seeing as how I hate to cook and am total crap at cleaning and laundry and grocery shopping... You know, all that 'happy in the home' stuff. I do the stuff, when it becomes absolutely essential to our survival that I do them, but even then I do it with more of a 'grumbly in the home' kind of attitude.

The thing with having boys is, it's easier for me. I teach them how to honor and respect people and work hard, and then I can send them off to wrestle with something or roll in some mud for awhile. Easy breezy lemon squeezy! (tongue planted firmly in cheek, of course.)

I feel like having a baby girl would be like giving birth to a full-length mirror. It would force me to look at myself in a way I have been too terrified to do. It would force me to really SEE the things deep down in me that need to change. It would be... intimidating. Daunting. Petrifying.

But I also know that, as with anything worth experiencing in this life, the deepest pools of joy and freedom are hidden behind our highest walls. Raising a girl would be one of the most challenging experiences of my life, I know that for a fact. I've spent my whole LIFE building Mt. Everests between my heart and my femininity. (I think there's some part of me that associates that word with deficiency.)

Raising a little mini-me would cause me to need God in ways that I have never needed Him before.

And that right there, I think, would be the greatest gift that she could ever give me.

24 comments:

zaiahbird said...

Are you kidding? you know how to cut your own freaking hair, dress so freaking cute, and decorate your home on pennies. I can't cook, can't dress, hate to clean, and rarely shower and my girl is turning out to be just fine. :)

Melissa said...

Emery,

First of all, I am so excited for you! Big congrats on having a little girl.

Secondly, as the mother of a boy and a girl, I can tell you that I felt exactly the same way about having a daughter. EXACTLY! It seemed so daunting and terrifying, I actually had a hard time getting excited about her arrival. I felt certain that I would never know how to love someone who was probably going to hate my guts in thirteen years, or so.

I don't know if you care to read it, but I actually wrote a post about some of my issues with having a daughter on my own blog. It was such an emotional hurdle for me, as crazy as it seems!

But maybe it helps to know that we aren't alone in these fears. I thought for sure I was the only mother who was scared to see herself through the eyes of her daughter. I never worried about that with my son.

Just know that God has blessed you with this little girl and he knows that despite anything, you two were made to be mother and daughter.

And by the way, I think you are going go be a most fabulous mom to a little girl! Your honesty, vulnerability and yes, lets face it, your awesome style will indeed make you an inspiration to her just as they have us!

Here's the link to my post if you're interested: http://melissamaywrites.blogspot.com/2010/09/fraud.html

Melissa said...

Okay, I just re-read the post title and realized there's an "IF" at the beginning. Shame on me and my sloppy reading.
Anyhoo, I still meant what I said and just fold up my congrats and stick them in your pocket for later, if it is a girl. Either way you are going to be an awesome mother to this child, just as you are to your boys!

MoMar said...

If you get a "mini-you" you will be a lucky lucky Mom. Take it from me. Your were the most wonderful daughter ...(Except between 16 and 30 months !! that was rough) :)

Ashley said...

Who says you have to raise a girl to be a cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping wonder? There are so many incantations of what a healthy, happy, successful girl/woman can be that you shouldn't worry. I grew up wrestling with my brothers and sister and I turned out okay. I even love cooking :)
You seem like such a wonderful, involved, caring mother that you should have nothing to worry about. God will help you raise this little one to be the person He has planned for him or her to be.

Katy said...

Emery,

I just wanted to offer you some words of encouragement. First off, one of the things I love about my past is that I grew up with 2 older brothers. They taught me how to NOT be girly. I love the fact that I am not a "girly girl" i never really was. I wore baggie jeans and JNCO tshirts because "i wanted to be like my brothers". I had short hair cuts and to this day, some days I hate having to wear make up and be girly. Granted, there were days I wanted those things and still love to look feminine. People in our culture now are unaccepting of those things in children and automatically make those who lean more to dressing like and doing things of the opposite sex make you weird or "homosexual". But I am all woman and I love that when I was little my mom dressed me in frilly dresses and taught me how to cook and be a woman, and on the other side love that I grew up with 2 brothers and would have rather played G.I. Joe and Power Rangers than with Barbie or Polly Pocket.

and I'm done. You will be a fantastic mother that you are no matter if this is a boy or a girl! ;-)

daily elle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
daily elle said...

There are like 10 million things I want to say regarding this post and your previous posts re: this pregnancy but all I will say is THANK YOU. Even though my daughter is 11 months old, the feelings you are experiencing with this pregnancy are very similar to how I felt when I was pregnant with my daughter (even though she's my first). I find your blog so honest, warm and uplifting.
You'll be a great mom to this baby, boy or girl, GOD does know what he's doing and we just have to trust him. (That is so much easier to say and type than it is to actually do!)

MEGAN said...

Emery,
Raising a daughter isn't contingent on cooking and cleaning. You will (possibly) raise a daughter that knows Jesus, that respects her husband, that does what she enjoys/makes her happy, and that seeks the best out of life...because that is what I see in you, by reading your blog.

I don't cook, and I clean when I have visitors. I'm very feminine, but am not a homemaker, and I think I'm a force to be reckoned with, in a good way.

You will be a GREAT mother to your 3rd child!

Anonymous said...

I think you've already outlined the main thing you'll need to do raising a girl: teach her how to honor and respect people and to work hard. That's far more important than any of the trappings of femininity that you mentioned, and you've already proven with your boys that you're good at it.

My prayer is that, if you have a girl, instead of showing you how help her be good at cooking/cleaning/etc, God will widen your horizons of what it means to be a happy, healthy, beloved woman of God.

Erin said...

I love all of the comments. Everyone said what I wanted to say... *IF* you have a girl, you'll have so much fun Emery. I don't know anything about boys... but I do know a little about girls... some of my favorite nights are spent taking bubble baths then painting all of our nails. Girls are easy to entertain:) I'm not a great cook and I'm an obsessive cleaner... but Claire (she's almost 4) hasn't learned how to clean from me. She's sooo messy!!! So that just shows that it has a lot do with who they are. You're little girl will be wonderful and such a sweet little blessing to your family! I can't wait to see how this all turns out!

Lea the Lion said...

Precious, precious baby bump!!!

Charlotte said...

And for these reasons, I hope it's a girl. :)

(but if it's a boy, how wonderful as well.)

Anonymous said...

It's really far easier than it seems. I think YOU need to be your authentic self and your daughter will see how to be a girl from you.

Mama said...

having a girl (well, 2 girls) has been the greatest gift. I am honored to be the Titus 2:3-5 woman to them. Teach them what is it to be a Godly woman. These are the things a mother does.
I think all children are gonna be used to stretch and break you and all those walls. God is creative, sister. He WILL break down those walls between you and HIM no matter what, boy or girl. AND that is happening to create you more in HIS image, which in turn, will be the image your daughter will see and try to mimic. Praise GOD!
I hope you do have a girl for the sake that I was the 3rd baby and had 2 older brothers about the spacing yours are, and I LOVE IT! Best thing for me!

Widge said...

Ok I know how you feel. I started with two boys and even though the idea of having a girl 3rd time round excited me it also terrified me!!

The thing is you wont need to "teach" her to be a girl, in my experience they come pre-programmed ;)

AND i love the fact that i had my girls after the boys because no matter how "girly" they act, they still can't get away from the inevitable fact that they WILL end up wrestling in the mud with their bros...

you will rock it (no matter what they outcome:)

Claudia Guerreiro said...

i don't worry about your girl. she will turn out just as fabulous as your boys. you are more feminine than you think. ;)

Chelsea said...

You'll be a great girl mommy.

Sunshine Mama said...

just visiting for the first time. Congratulations on being pregnant. I'm expecting in four weeks or so.

Anonymous said...

oh, my goodness, you must find out...

Dawn said...

I think you will do a fine job! I have had some of the same issue's raising my daughter. God gave me her to show me how much I need him and also my boys. I just let my daughter show me how much she wants to cook and clean. Now she does a pretty good job on her room when her Dad says clean your room before you goof off and watch a movie. My daughter knows how to scrable eggs, waffles in the toaster, chocolate milk. I want my daughter to have her own journey! I hope if and when she has children she relies on Jesus to help make decisions about being home full-time partime or whatever. Anyway, it will be great whatever happens!

Molly said...

Your bump is beautiful as I'm sure your baby will be... boy OR girl.

misguided mommy said...

Please send her my way I am just DYING to play Barbies with someone!!!!!!

Olivia said...

It is so true that having a girl is like having a full-length (living) mirror. I have two and the oldest can sometimes drive me absolutely crazy--but when I step back a little, I can name at least 248 times in my life when I've done the exact same thing. Being a mom is very like that. And I think it's not so much that we have to teach them how to be girls; sometimes I feel like I'm just being drug along on the ride to her maturity. She certainly lets me know when she wants to learn something! (And then most of the time, we learn it together!)