Swished Into Reality.

Tomorrow is the big day! The first baby appointment. You know... the one where you hear your baby's swishing heartbeat and the whole world stands still and you cry every single time even though you're pretty sure you won't.

And, just like the last two times, it will be the day that it all becomes REAL for me.

It's a miraculous thing, hearing a separate heartbeat coming from the depths of you. It's like your child's first communication with the world and from that point on you never feel alone even if you're all by yourself.

This pregnancy has been hard so far. I think it's the combined factors of a) it not being as 'planned' as the others, and b) the unending nausea that never leaves and makes my tummy feel skunk-ish, and c) the fact that I have not gotten to really see any friends or celebrate since I found out. It's been hard for me to feel the expected excitement because of these things. I found out right before my trip to Utah, and ever since we've been back, Myer and I have just not been well enough to be out and about, so it almost feels like one of my favorite parts of pregnancy (the telling all your friends and squealing part) just didn't happen this time around.

It's not the end of the world, I know. It just has made things feels a little more distant and disconnected.

That is why I am so dang excited for tomorrow.

I know that that beautiful swishing sound will drown out all these petty complaints and fill my ears with reality... the reality that new life is always good and always beautiful and that the celebration of it is only just beginning...