September 21, 2009

You Know You're at the Oklahoma State Fair When...

- A toothily-challenged parking attendant guffaws when you ask if you can park over to the right and then asks "I dunno. You got four wheel drive?"

- The 'FREE' parking lot is, essentially, nothing more than a sludgy mud bog.

- There are one majillion people there early on a Sunday Morning.

- You have the hard decision to make between deep fried twinkies, deep fried oreos, deep fried snickers bars, or deep fried butter sticks.

- You walk for five miles and have seen .0182% of the fairgrounds.

- An exhibit called 'Modern Living' has absolutely nothing to do with Modern Living AT ALL, but is just a room crammed full of people trying to sell you crap like ShamWows and Lamps made from big chunks of Salt. ('The Lamp that Will Change Your Life!")

- Once you enter said exhibit, there is no way to escape the slow moving mass oozing around the tables, and when you finally burst out of the front doors again, you are old and the days of your youth have passed.

- Enthusiastic karaoke at every turn. The kind of karaoke that leads you to believe the performer is CONVINCED there is a talent scout in the audience, and that he don't know what's coming to him.

- You seem to be the only one there not wearing an article of clothing pertaining to the following: OU Football, OSU Football, or Nascar Racing.

- It costs you two dollars for your son to pick up a rubber duck from a plastic baby pool.

- It costs three dollars for him to ride his first baby rollercoaster, on which he screams "NOOO!! STOP!!" until he is purple in the face and more than a little bit traumatized.

- Even after all the craziness, your family arrives home to take three showers each and collapse in a happy, tired heap for the rest of the afternoon.


Marianne Elixir said...

I would have opted for the deep-fried butter sticks. But only if they were fried in some good beef tallow or something.

Mmmm....butter....will be leaving the computer for the refrigerator now...

Rita Ortloff said...

Oh my goodness! Emery!

Dave and I were JUST discussing the Fair and wondering if we were depriving Will of some sort of OKC birthright.

Thank you for the much needed reminder: the Fair is torture.

Plain and simple.


Great post! I literally LOL'D

Emily said...

You are seriously funny. I live in PA, and it all sounds too familiar. I love your writing.

Andrea June said...

Deep fried butter!? My stomach churns at the thought of it!!!!
The fair is awesome, especially if you're a junior livestock exhibitor, which I was for 10 years. That way, you get to spend an ENTIRE WEEK camping at the fair and you can spend a little bit of time exploring each day :) Otherwise, it's just way too much.

Kerri Foster said...

My kids LOVED going to the Oklahoma State Fair every year we lived there. Thanks for the laughs about what we missed out on this year! Love you!

overflowingbookshelf said...

Why does one have to choose between all the deep fried goodness?? Just get one of everything!! :)

I discovered your blog a few years ago via a myspace fan page for Anne Lamott, and I'm delighted to have discovered you again. You are one of the reasons I finally started my own blog. I just love your page:)