Sole Expectations.

I have never exercised.

I just haven't.

I was always very active when I was younger with competitive gymnastics and cheerleading and softball and yoga and rockclimbing and show choir (SHUT UP), but I've never ever ever just EXERCISED.

Actually, I've been a total lump on a log since college- not doing anything even remotely active or good for my body in any way shape or form. I tried joining the YMCA a couple of years ago, but ended up only going to a few yoga classes and then getting bored.

Chris mentions this every once in awhile... he says that maybe I should start doing something... ANYthing, because he likes my heart (due to the fact that it keeps me alive and stuff) and he wants me to take good care of it so that it will stay healthy and strong.

I've always shrugged him off. I've just had NO desire to be active the last few years.

But, within the last few days, all I have been able to think about is running. Now, if you know me in real life at all, you will know that this is like me saying I am suddenly really stoked about lighting my eyelashes on fire.

I have always been adamant about two things in my life: I HATE running, and I REFUSE to try seafood.

Maybe this new desire to run is stemming from my body finally saying, "enough is enough, I need some activity". Maybe it's this glorious Spring weather that came knocking on my door two days ago. (Also- what the heck?!? I don't generally like the sunshine. Or the sun. I am happiest on gloomy days of rain or snow. The sun makes me grumpy. But, I've actually really enjoyed the last few sunny days! I'm like a different human or something!) Maybe it's the fact that caring for two children all day is often a completely mind-numbing experience, and my body is trying to help my brain out by getting it outdoors and in some fresh air.

I don't really know. It's very very weird.

I've gone running twice now. Not far, not for long... just to the park and around the block and back... and it has been great. Mostly because I've taken my hubby's iPod and gotten to listen to good music. Each time I've gone, I've felt like I burst through the bubble I've created over my house and am reminded that there is actually a WORLD out there. One that is beautiful and full of experiences and God.

I think it also may have something to do with the fact that I recently started reading this book by Francis Chan. The first chapter or two talk about how our universe is HUGE beyond our wildest imaginations. Our tiny planet and sun and solar system are part of an itty-bitty galaxy within an ocean of galaxies. And that ocean of galaxies is just a drop within another ocean of galaxies... and so on and so on... You know, endless ginormous-ness.

Conversely, Chan uses the example of the fact that a simple little caterpillar has 250 separate muscles in its head alone.

Awe inspiring.

God is SO large. And yet has so intricately detailed everything He has made. And the earth is such a small part of all of this... we are such a small part of all of this. At the end of my millisecond of a life on this microscopic planet, I want to be found as having lived for something worthwhile. Something enduring. I want to have lived for God. And not just for myself.

My mind cannot, obviously, comprehend all of this in one sitting. It's just too much for the human brain to soak up right away, I think. So... suddenly I find myself just wanting to RUN. Because... what else can you do? What else am I going to do? I can't just sit here with all this spinning in my brain... I've got to get up and MOVE.

(Well, hello there, inner-Forrest Gump! I did not know you were in there! Shall I also pick up a ping pong paddle and see where that takes me? hmmmmm?)

Anywho, it's good for me and my heart. I like it. It makes me feel happier and clears my thoughts a bit. And who knows? Maybe it will bring freshness to my spirit. Maybe it's a physical representation of what God is calling me towards in my own life: Taking steps. One foot in front of the other... pushing back the walls of what I've come to EXPECT from myself & Him.

The more I expect from God, the more of Him I'll see. The more I expect from my own life, the farther I'll go.

I just know it.