An Ongoing Synopsis of My Day.

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morning

it's so dark and dreary outside, yet still i've got my windows and doors flung open to it. because sometimes you can't get the fresh air moving without letting in some of the gloom.

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afternoon

the baby is being completely unreasonable. crying and crying and crying and crying and crying. all i can think about right now is how good it would feel to swan dive off a big rock into the ocean... staying under the green water until my lungs felt like they were going to burst, then breaking through the surface at the last possible moment and greedily overdosing on the air.

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I threw his pacifier at the wall. because it was better that than the baby monitor. I think it fell behind a dresser somewhere. i don't know. i can't be bothered to go look for it. it's useless anyways.

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early evening

things are a tiny bit calmer as i got myer to drift in and out of sleep instead of screaming like a wild banshee like he was before. i'm trying to be kind to myself at the moment- heating up a cup of coffee and getting my cozy blanket to snuggle up with ezra and watch some kung fu panda. but... i gotta tell ya, my mind is a million miles away- wandering an arctic tundra somewhere on cold, tired feet.

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The little booger just laughed. He chuckled at me. I've never really heard him do that before. I repaid the favor by baptizing him in mascara-stained tears. maybe God does have a sense of humor, afterall.

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his ears are like little cinnamon rolls.