August 4, 2008

My Mid-Morning Meltdown.

Had a mini melt-down this morning re: the state of my very dirty house and feeling the pressure of eventually making room for IMPENDING BABY.

We just set up a new twin sized bed in Ezra's room, but because of the way his room is layed out, there was only one place to put the bed and it's just not working for me. Feels too cluttered.

Now, we're thinking we will make the current office into Ezra's room, and eventually turn Ezra's old room into the nursery for the new baby.

The rooms in this house are all so tiny.

After much thought, we've squeezed our desk from the office into the kitchen. Because it was either that or get rid of it entirely- and we still need a desk area for papers/bill paying. And it works fine in here, it really does, but I guess I am just feeling the pinch of 'too much stuff and nowhere to put it all'.

Deep down I know that this is totally ridiculous. ONLY IN AMERICA would you find a woman crying over the fact that she only has THREE BEDROOMS! Waahh! Is that the world's tiniest violin I hear?

It is completely an American mentality that we need so much space and room to function and raise a family. And I got caught up in that this morning (much to my husband's dismay) as he hugged me and reasoned me back to sanity and eagerly helped me by moving furniture from one corner of a room to another. And then back again.

On the heels of this meltdown came the similar 'I need to go find a real job and help pay bills' meltdown. I have an impressive resume for such a task. It goes like this: Stay at home mom who worked at a restaurant once. Now... Someone hire me and pay me enough money to cover the cost of two small children in full time care!

What?? No takers??

I know this is silly too. I don't want someone else to raise my kids for me so that I can afford more house to fill with my stuff. Yet somehow, my priorities were all out of whack as I rolled out of bed this morning and I forgot all about that. AND IT WASN'T PRETTY.

I'm feeling better now, though. My house is still dirty and the rooms still feel like an impossible 1000 piece jigsaw puzzle in my head, but I'm slowly remembering that there are more important things than "elbow room" in this world.

Like health and hospitality and a grateful heart for this amazing house and family.

So.... I'm working on that. And ignoring the dust for another day. *cough sneeze*


Band of Brothers said...

HAHAHA funny little map you sketched. seriously that made my day...and the part about the tiny violin too. if it makes you feel any better, i plan on cramming all 3 of my boys into one room. and my SIL who has a HUGE house also has all 4 of her girls in one room and made the other room a craft/play room. sounds like you are already getting creative with the desk in the kitchen!

Marianne Elixir said...

I am fond of you. I can totally relate to all of this.
I think part of the problem might be that people used to have more outdoor space and time with nature. Being primarily indoor beings creates a need for more space and stuff. I don't know. Maybe I'm just longing for the woods because of our impending camping trip.
Anyhow, I love your posts, you make me smile, laugh at myself along with you, and think about what's really important.

cam said...

lol- now you may understand why our (tiny) 3 bdr house is up for sale, and we're currently having a new one built. i thought we could pull it off, but that changed when we brought #2 home. granted, i do have a husband who works full time from home and needs an entire room to be his dedicated office space. otherwise, we'd still be staying here. i think. we are cramped. 1000 sq ft. i hope i didn't scare you. you'll be fine, since no one works from home.

Hunny Bee May said...

Love the map! If I drew a map that included piles of clothes, well, let's just say it would be a very cluttered map! You're creativity and humor always inspire me. And I'm sure it's that same creative spirit that will see you through this 'nesting'. Last time I went through it I swore I wasn't, yet in hindsight I'm pretty sure that packing and repacking a diaper bag eight times a day would pretty much qualifty as nesting. Or lunacy. Same dif. have plenty of time to work this all out. I've found that tackling little tasks helps me feel better about all the things I 'need' to get done before #2 arrives here. So, take it easy. You'll get there! And I'm sure we'll hear all about it. Looking forward to it!

Modest Mousketeer said...

I completely agree with this being a major issue in our country and it's something my husband and I both feel strongly about undoing in our own lives. As a result we currently live in a two bedroom 800sqft house (YES, 800!!!) with three dogs and it's perfect almost every day. On those rare days that I forget I love it in a tiny space, I imagine my parents or in-laws living with me because that's how it would be if we were in a miriad of other countries or cultures where emphases is on quality not quantity. Good luck with rearranging, that alone will eventually make you feel a million times better.

lorieloo said...

yup yup yup. I'm not even preggers and I panic at the thought of where to put all my crap when #2 joins our family.

And I think the tizzy of "what to do what to do" and nesting is kicking into over drive.

And who says dust is a bad thing?

What? Are we suppose to dust once a month? Says who?

Zimms Zoo said...

Boy can I relate. We are 7 people (soon to be 8) in 1100 sq ft. We have converted the garage and slowly but surely added on a bathroom as we could afford it.
I am certainly hoping this one is a boy because we have one empty bunk bed in the boys room.

As for the dust. We have tons too! We do year round schooling so on our week off we will be tackling all the fans and walls and such. I just keep telling myself it is just one more week until our week off so just be patient. But it is hard and the kids never do it the way I want it done.

Love the map. It is so cute!

Sara Ann said...

I'm so glad I'm not the only one that feels I need to take a night job after I take care of a baby all day, perform various domestic goddess duties, and then end the night with dinner and dishes. Why do we do that to ourselves?

Great post!

skylana said...

dont feel bad.... we americans are kind of cry babies, but at least you are not alone.. i have been there many a time, but did i just suck it up like you? no i decided i wanted to sell our house and move away... so our house is now on the market.... hmmmm.

Mercy Kidz said...

Ezras room cant be smaller thn my boys room, its so little, we have a twin bed for Jsiah and the toddler bed in it, we took the closet doors off and stuck the dreser int here and a toy chest in there for ther crap, i mean toys! Would you consider putting them in the same room if its a boy? Or dose he face a lot of big toys in there, Josiah likes little toys, like super heros and things like that so its easy to find room. Just an idea!

Talia said...

so funny.... your map cracked me up! But oh boy, do I know the feeling. We have a three-bedroom two-bath house too, and we are bound and determined to stay here as long as we possibly can (especially since right now the market is upside down, eek), but there are moments when I just think HOW CAN WE FIT ANY MORE STUFF. So I have a yard sale or two and obssessively reorganize all my closets and then realize that it might be all right after all if I just keep on top of things. :)

Um, you should see my house right now. It would make you feel a million and one times better about yours and your dust, I am positive!

Lift Up Your Hearts said...

We do have high-class worries in America, don't we? Not to worry though, I have four kids & a husband and a lot of crafting and homeschooling stuff, all in a 3 bedroom house with an office. We're ok!

Collette said...

When we had our first baby we were living in a small two bedroom apartment. We moved the entire office into the kitchen in order to make room for baby. I though I would be miserable feeling cramped and crowded. But, as soon as she arrived, I couldn't have cared where the desk was. Mainly because I was so sleep deprived I didn't know if I was coming or going. Of course, having a baby was great too!

Brillig said...

You sounds... pregnant. :-D I mean that in the best possible way. We begin to freak out over our lairs when there's a baby on the way!

I LOVE the floorplan you've drawn for us. hahahaha. Thanks for including the Clothes Piles. It makes it sound... well... a lot like MY home now. :-D

Anonymous said...

My husband and I are leaving our one bedroom 850 square foot apartment for a two bedroom 730 square foot house this month. Our first baby will be arriving in January. Just losing that bit of space makes me feel panicky, but I'm choosing to pretend that I live in New York where people would be jealous of such a sprawling pad. :)

Sarah@Life in the Parsonage said...

Great blog!

I have the same sort of meltdowns and I'm not pregnant...if that makes you feel better ;)