August 3, 2008

15 Weeks Pregnant

15 weeks pregnant.

I had a moment the other day... just a random blip as I caught myself casually resting my hand on my belly... I saw a flash of a newborn baby in front of my eyes, cooing and kicking, and I was kissing its belly. And suddenly this little human growing inside of me seemed so intensely REAL. Up until a few days ago, this pregnancy had seemed so far away- like it was happening to a clone. Me but somehow not me. It was like I was watching it from the outside. And I have to admit, this feeling of detachment felt strange and lonely.

But in an instant, we connected, this baby and I. No longer a vague sense of life, but a son or daughter. My little superhero or my bity ballerina. A baby I can not WAIT to hold and meet. This unexpected connection hit me like a ton of bricks. I smiled and laughed and jiggled my ever-growing belly as if it were an introductory handshake.

"Hello, baby blip! Nice to meet you!"

Chris & Ezra are feeling like it's a girl, while I have been getting "boy vibes" the last couple of weeks. (And feeling surprisingly fine with those vibes, I might add.)

Whatever this baby is, it is already ridiculously loved and eagerly awaited.

Like Christmas morning times infinity billion.


Mercy Kidz said...

remebet he last time we were preg together and you said "jess, theres no wrong answer!" that stuck and it is so true! I feel the same way, how fun would three boys be? Also a girl would be good for this house!
BTW if it is a boy< Iam SO SO SO glad I had two! SO!

Lift Up Your Hearts said...

You are growing beautifully!

Candace said...

i still think their must be two in there! Miss you guys, love you bunches! You look amazingly beautiful.


You look gorgeous, dahling.

Zimms Zoo said...

I love your weekly update pics. I wish I had the nerve to take pics like that. I just don't look as cute.

My due date changed and I think that we are due around the same time now. January 26th. Just dont take the good midwife that night and leave me with the blah one LOL!!

You look so nice and happy. I love that moment when the pregnancy seems so real. What a wonderful moment for you!

Talia said...

Oh, I know exactly what you mean. I had that moment yesterday, when a dear friend gave me a tiny little newborn outfit she had found on sale and just had to get for me. (it was a "neutral outfit" of course) When I got home and really took it out to look at it, the sheer tiny-ness of it took my breath away, and all of a sudden I realized "there is going to a be BABY wearing this" and I could just picture my little one. It was wonderful and amazing, and got me through a rough patch of nausea too, I might add. :)

lovin' your belly... you look fantastic. I can't wait to "meet" your little one either!!

Talia said...

by the way, I just read every post you're written lately that I hadn't gotten around to yet, and can I just say-- I relate to EVERYTHING you wrote about pregnancy. It's like you are in my head. :) I always love your perspective, you challenge and serve to remind me of many wonderful truths.

Also, I am praying for you as you make your birth decisions, and hope everything works out just wonderfully.

skylana said...

this feeling of detachment FEELS strange and lonely. i dont get how to connect to this baby, because i'm entering my third trimester and its STILL not there. i still dont want to be pregnant, i still dont want to have another child. which is so sad, especially knowing how many women would die for a baby.... but... what am i to do? i'll keep waiting for that moment you had, and maybe it wont happen til she's in my arms, or shes 3 days old... but i'm glad you have it... sorry to be debbie downer.

Jameshia said...

I know how you feel... I'm 15wks 2days & the other night I had a dream of actually having the baby and holding it in my arms. (Then my baby boy turned into a baby girl but thats beside the point!! lOl) Anywho... Ever since then I've been sooo excited like I cant wait... I just set up my appointment for a 3d/4d sonogram!! I absolutely have to know what it is now since that whole sex change dream!! lol

15 weeks pregnant said...

Pregnancy isn’t a small responsibility; it has to be carried carefully with patience till we have the cute little baby in our arms. Very few women’s sense this bumps when they are 15 weeks pregnant. Even I am sensing this bumps and Kicks!!! So cute I get over excited when I sense them, eagerly waiting to see my baby. Congratulations!!