July 17, 2008

What We Do Know: There's A Baby in There.

I had my very first baby appointment this morning and it was... somewhat anticlimactic. After waiting nearly 13 weeks to have the appointment, there was very little to come away with.

The facilities were super nice and the nurse was great. The midwife was not at all friendly or personable, so I will not be seeing her again. I've switched to a different midwife in the practice for my prenatal care- one that came highly recommended from some friends.

She asked me a million questions today and then did all the lovely exams that we women dread. Without any warning, she pulled out the Doppler and started trying to find the baby's heartbeat. After a couple minutes, she found it- the room filled with the swishing of life as Chris and I looked at each other and smiled from ear to ear. The midwife didn't say one single word, turned the machine off, and went on to the next round of questions.

Lovely. Buzzkill.

I had to go downstairs and get blood work done, and my arm is still throbbing hours later. I hate getting blood taken! It always hurts me so much. I feel poked and prodded. And queasy and tired.

So, no ultrasounds to share and no news to report. I could only hear one heartbeat, but she didn't take much time to listen, and they say it's very hard to tell if there's more than one babe just by listening. But I'm about 99% convinced there's only one in there at this point. There's just got to be one.

I'm feeling a little bit disappointed.... I don't really know what I was expecting. I think the blah midwife took the wind out of my sails, and I'm wondering if we've made the right decision by choosing to go with the midwives at OU. I'm still having trouble with the insurance after making TWO trips down to the office to get things figured out, and things just aren't going as smoothly as I would have liked them to go.

I'm realizing more and more what excellent care I had in California. That state has their act together apparently. Are my standards just too high from my experience there? Maybe. Maybe I'm just expecting too much and need to let go of "my ideal" a little.

All in all, I know everything is fine, and everything will turn out just fine. I'm just feeling a little down, and three months of feeling awful just seem to compound these disappointments. I'm SO ready to feel like myself again... to not feel like I'm letting everyone around me down. This pregnancy has been much harder on me than my first so far, but I'm trying to keep my spirits up and not complain too much. I guess I'm just... tired.

It's hard to be your old self when you just don't feel like her.


Anonymous said...

Sorry to hear that you didn't have a happy appointment. Going to the doctor is nervewracking enough, but having to deal with impersonal people who don't seem to care is worse.

And that whole thing with your insurance is ridiculous, you shouldn't have to put up with that. The next time you talk to them, be firm, not angry, but not yielding in any way; make it clear that you have been put through the run-around twice and you want this straightened out NOW.

If you and Chris have a joint insurance plan, get him on the phone with them. I don't mean to sound sexist, but in my experience I've found that sometimes they listen to men better than women.

Lift Up Your Hearts said...

It would have really bummed me out to hear the heartbeat and then just have her move on like that too. Would it have killed her to say something like, "there's your sweet baby!" Geesh!

Lisa said...

That does sound like a pretty sucky appointment. I would be bummed too.

Well, good news is you are pretty much finished with first trimester so maybe you'll start feeling like yourself again soon.

skylana said...

hey i'm right there with ya on not feeling like yourself... its probably more of a shock to you cause you actually had some time since your last pregnancy to feel like yourself! i started to feel like me.. then BAM gone. sorry the appt sucked, i dont think you have your standards too high... its stupid for a person who chooses to work in such a personal important care giving position to be cold, especially on the first visit. i'm so thankful for mary, she is my friend now.... i hope you will find that with the new midwife, its a connection thats not really like anything else.... and i'm sure there's one in there too.. everyone thinks they might be having twins, i mean EVERYONE... but then no one does. well not many.


Okay, so I don't mean to be harsh, but TO HELL WITH THOSE BITCHES. Seriously? Life is waaaaay too short and your pregnancy is waaaaay too important to have to deal with anyone who might disappoint you. I say, go elsewhere. You deserve someone who will get excited for you. Take it from someone who had a shitty first pregnancy with a total asshole. I know Midwives are "supposed" to be a certain way but midwives can be dicks, too, and apparently, you've come across one. Get out. Seriously. Go find someone who will share in your joy. Love to you.

Hunny Bee May said...

I'd give the other midwife a try. If she came recommended that's a good sign. That's how I found my doc who I love. Practices are full of various personalities and you just have to try them out and find who works well with you. Sometimes we expect that obgyns/midwives are going to be so personable but there are a lot who went into the field because they loved the science side of it and not the interpersonal side so much. Maybe she was having a bad day too. Who knows?
And give yourself a little more time to start feeling better and more normal again. It will happen. Your little body is working hard right now and it takes a lot out of you whether anyone else realizes it or not. You'll get there. One day at a time. No need to beat yourself up. Lots of us have been there too.
Hope you have a nice relaxing weekend.

Zimms Zoo said...

I am using the midwives at OU and used them last time for #5. Do you mind if I ask which one? I use Pauline and she is wonderful! I take ALL the kids for ALL the visits and she absolutely loves them. Try being happy that your patient brings 4 small children to every visit.
My oldest wanted to come to the delivery and he wanted to cut the cord and lots of other things. She was totally OK with all this. In fact she thought it was great!

I hope you do have better luck with whoever you changed too.
My friend uses one from Tulsa. They will travel here and their fee also includes a doula. Sometimes you just have to just keep looking.

The Royal Family said...

I just wanted to say don't be discouraged, I wasn't fond of my dr. the first appointment during my pregnancy, but I decided to give him one more chance and from that second appointment on, he was hylserious friendly and I am glad I tried again. Maybe yours was having a bad day. But by all means you need to be comfy and like them so switch if your heart says to.