December 12, 2007

A Well-Watered Garden.

Ezra LOVES the snow.

Yesterday evening, at about five o'clock, I started to feel a bit suffocated and smothered. After a hard and long day with Ezra, I was feeling completely spent. As soon as Chris walked in the door last night, I got this super intense desire to be alone. To disappear for awhile and let myself breathe.

I realized last night that I have not been by myself ONCE since I left Oklahoma 42 DAYS AGO. I've had great opportunities to get away from Ezra since I've been here, but I haven't used any of them to have some alone time. For someone like me, this is a recipe for disaster. Time by myself is completely necessary for my sanity, and I had not been taking care of myself in that way. So, last night, I realized I had let it go too long and the result was me feeling like I wanted to lock myself in a dark room and cry.

Snow Angel.

Instead, my husband convinced me to go out. To wander and take my time and do things that would make me feel like myself again.

So, I did the most reasonable thing for a girl like me.

I went and bought myself a new coat.

I then promptly informed Chris that he'd just bought me my Christmas present.


I've been butt cold since I've been here and didn't have a warm enough coat, and I just couldn't wait the two more weeks for Christmas. So I bought a coat. I wandered in a couple of stores and drove around in my car- totally alone. And it felt so dang good. I blasted the mix CD we made for the trip out here while I drove the streets of Reno- singing along to Iron & Wine like my life depended on it.

"Boy With A Coin" by Iron & Wine is my favorite song right now. And I also really love "The Trapeze Swinger" by them as well.

I owe Jen Manuele for that discovery. A.MAZING.

Here's the rest of the list from our mix CD, all compiled from your suggestions:

You guys have some seriously INSANE great tastes in music. Our favorites were the Sufjan Stevens stuff we found and the Iron & Wine, as well as Band of Horses. We downloaded whole albums from these guys once we arrived in Reno.

Emery's personal favorite: Patty Griffin (thanks for reminding me of her, Amy!)

Chris' personal favorite: Massive Attack (thanks, Summer!)

Anywho- thank you again for all your help. We are rich with good music now, and we owe it all to you guys!

Back to last night: It was just what I needed. I came home refreshed and ready to tackle the day-to-day again. It is so easy to forget about yourself when you become a mom. I was beginning to feel like my sole purpose in this life was to retrieve juice-juice and ask if Ezra needed to use the potty every five minutes.

I've been attempting to write posts on this blog for days but I could come up with nothing to say. I've been completely uninspired. I tried so hard to write yesterday and just couldn't muster anything up. This is abnormal for me, and it was then that it dawned on me-

the well was dry.

When I stop filling myself up, I eventually run out of water to give to others. I owe it to myself and my family to stay filled up. To allow God to overflow me, even.

If I let Him do that, there will be life and green all around me... a well-watered garden that has no need to fear when the heat comes.


Laura said...

Downloading as I type after looking at your list...

Do you have Icicles by Patty Griffin. Must have. She is a SUPER FAV of mine.

That Massive Attack track is awesome.

Rebecca said...

Picture of exciting new coat coming?

ellieandaudrey said...


Anonymous said...

I'm so glad you took time for yourself! I need to work on that! I'd love to go drive around Reno, I miss it.

Candace said...

yay for alone time!!!!!

NEW COAT?? I must seet this!

Ashley Forrette said...

Ooooo! I love that music mix. Thanks for sharing! I’m going to steal some ideas.

Ashley Forrette said...

Ps. I got a new coat yesterday too! You must post photos.

Not So Perfect said...

Alone time is so important. Sometimes when my husband gets home, I look at him and say "I need five." Even just a five minute break makes me feel refreshed.

I couldn't help but laugh when you said "your sole purpose is to retrieve juice." My daughter thinks her need for juice is a national emergency.

Being a mom is hard work, and we have to remember to take care of ourselves, I forget this too.

Now I am going to search all those songs you wrote about.

Andrea June said...

Hooray! I'm glad you got some good alone time. I've totally done the car thing before, except I usually sing to the Dixie Chicks at the top of my lungs :)

Hooray for coat season! I just got a new coat of my own a couple of weeks ago. What does yours look like???

piper of love said...


Wouldn't you know it that you, in your perfectly colorful, yet simply eloquent way, you would tell me exactly what my problem is.

I haven't spent alone time with God much lately. Sure, I talk to him, and acknowledge Him everyday to some degree. But, I haven't sat with Him, lingered in His presence in too long. And that's why there's so much angst in my little spirit! Thanks for a word in due season.

Encouraging and perfect, as usual!


Gracie said...

i wanna eat snow