Chapter Fourteen: "A Change of Heart."

Now, instead of rushing back into things again, Chris wanted to do things right. So, he prayed. And prayed. And prayed. Then he got others to pray for him. And then he prayed some more. Much prayie prayer sauce.

God spoke to Chris while he was reading a book by NONE OTHER THAN John Eldridge. If you'll remember with me, John Eldridge is the man who spoke at the conference in Washington that pretty much saved my life. How appropriate that Chris was now hearing God speak through the same man's words. *sigh* It was a book called 'Journey of Desire'. Go buy it.

God told Chris that it was no longer acceptable for him to claim that he loved me, and yet be so quick to push me away when times got tough. God told Chris that when he pushed me away like that, he was not loving me like God loves me. God does not PUSH ME AWAY every time I sin. He does not hold me at arm's length until I "get better". No, God draws us closer in our troubles and loved us long before we ever chose to love him. He loves us through our crap. Nothing can separate us from His love. So, if Chris was going to love me, he was going to have to commit to loving me WELL. Through mud and mire.

If Chris was going to claim that he loved me, he had to love me like I (and every woman on the face of this earth) deserved to be loved... he had to love me as GOD HIMSELF would love me. Unconditionally. Through sickness. Through health. Through riches. Through want. Through happy. Through crushed. Through issues. Through baggage. Through hairy legs. Through dirty dishes in the sink. For better or worse. ALWAYS.

From that moment on, (holy mom of God!) Chris was NEVER THE SAME. He got it. He understood what my broken heart had been longing for before I ever even realized it. For love that never turns its back. Love that refuses to flee. Love that stands its ground... My heart was THIRSTY for this, I know that now. I needed a love that I could trust, one I could fling my whole self at without fear of falling flat on my face. Chris understood that, and now it was up to him to decide if he wanted to provide all of that for me. Was he up for the task? Was my love worth all of that sacrifice?

Chris thought that it was. But there was one problem. He knew that if he was going to choose to love me as I deserved to be loved, he was going to have to be 100% honest with me.

And there was something he had to tell me that had the potential to turn my heart away from him for good...

**to be continued...**