I resolve to understand the incredible weight and significance; the critical gravity and relevance of the calling that was placed on my life the moment that hospital room faded away and those brand new eyes locked on mine.
I want to finally get it.
I'm so very tired of feeling like staying at home with my son is somehow not good enough. I'm sick and tired of feeling like I must do more, more, more! if I want to amount to anything in this life. I resolve to finally drop that lie to the ground- the one that plays on REPEAT in my head all day (everyday)- and walk away from it once and for all. I resolve to stop picking it up and carrying it with me like an old, ratty stuffed animal. I resolve to never again let that feeling become my motivation. For ANYTHING.
Motherhood is far too difficult in and of itself to add the pressure of 'not enough' on top of it, you know? And seriously, if being someone's mother isn't enough, then what is? I'm ready to tackle this calling head on and put as much effort and care into it as if I had the fate of the whole world in my hands. To give my BEST to what's in front of me and stop unplugging and waiting for the 'next thing' to come along so I can move on and hope to feel more significant in some way. Because my significance was never manufactured by what I "do" or how well I do it. My strength is in my weaknesses and failings- where God can step in and take the credit and the glory for every breath that comes from these faint and tired lungs. My worth is there.
I resolve to be okay... to know my days with Ezra at home are worth more than any job could offer... and to know that I'm enough.