January 29, 2007
I do WHAT with my huh??
As of three days ago, Chris and I are officially members of the YMCA. Do you know what this means for you, dear readers? This means that many, many, many (many!) more embarrassing stories are sure to follow promptly for your reading pleasure. Because it is pretty much guaranteed that if you put me in a foreign building full of people who already know what they're doing, (whilst I, of course, remain clueless), things are undoubtedly going to take a turn towards the MORTIFYING before you can say 'Bob's your Uncle'.
I've never had a gym membership before. I've never even worked out in a gym before. OKAY, heck! I can't even remember being in a gym other than the one at the University of Nevada that I had to walk through in order to get to my rock climbing class about 6 years ago. I am like, the most inexperienced and uneducated workout person on the face of this planet.
Those machines in there? They have computers on them. They talk to you. There are clippy clips to attach to your clothing in case you fall off the back of an apparatus and no one discovers that you are missing for three days... There are numbers and blinking lights and codes and input jacks... Calorie counters and cup holders...
Maybe I'll just stick to the indoor track.
After a brief tour of the facility a couple of days ago, the woman lead us back to the front door and abruptly asked if we had any questions about what she'd just shown us. Ezra had been yelling in my ear and attempting to break into the raquetball cubes for most of the duration of the tour, so I hadn't quite heard everything she had said. I had a MILLION questions I could have asked her... Including (but not limited to)::
"What EXACTLY do I do when I get into the locker room?"
"Are there naked people in there?"
"Do I have to be naked in there?"
"Can I bring a note from my mom telling you I must be excused from said nakedness- due to publicnudityophobia?"
I cannot even change my shirt in my bedroom without going around and closing ALL of the blinds and then standing in that one spot in the room where no one could see me even if they had super x-ray vision goggles. (Because the full length mirror would deflect the ultra x-ray beams, I reckon.)
I digress. More questions:
"How do I operate this machinery without looking like I have no idea what I'm doing?"
"What do I wear to yoga without looking like I have no idea what I'm doing?"
"How often does the staff rotate so that I can come back after I make a fool of myself because I have no idea what I'm doing?"
I'm a little apprehensive, to say the least. But Chris and I went out and bought workout clothes this evening, so I figure I'm halfway to fitness already! I plan to attend my first session tomorrow AM.
Any advice for a rookie?
at 8:25 PM