January 29, 2007

I do WHAT with my huh??

As of three days ago, Chris and I are officially members of the YMCA. Do you know what this means for you, dear readers? This means that many, many, many (many!) more embarrassing stories are sure to follow promptly for your reading pleasure. Because it is pretty much guaranteed that if you put me in a foreign building full of people who already know what they're doing, (whilst I, of course, remain clueless), things are undoubtedly going to take a turn towards the MORTIFYING before you can say 'Bob's your Uncle'.

I've never had a gym membership before. I've never even worked out in a gym before. OKAY, heck! I can't even remember being in a gym other than the one at the University of Nevada that I had to walk through in order to get to my rock climbing class about 6 years ago. I am like, the most inexperienced and uneducated workout person on the face of this planet.

Those machines in there? They have computers on them. They talk to you. There are clippy clips to attach to your clothing in case you fall off the back of an apparatus and no one discovers that you are missing for three days... There are numbers and blinking lights and codes and input jacks... Calorie counters and cup holders...

Maybe I'll just stick to the indoor track.

After a brief tour of the facility a couple of days ago, the woman lead us back to the front door and abruptly asked if we had any questions about what she'd just shown us. Ezra had been yelling in my ear and attempting to break into the raquetball cubes for most of the duration of the tour, so I hadn't quite heard everything she had said. I had a MILLION questions I could have asked her... Including (but not limited to)::

"What EXACTLY do I do when I get into the locker room?"
"Are there naked people in there?"
"Do I have to be naked in there?"
"Can I bring a note from my mom telling you I must be excused from said nakedness- due to publicnudityophobia?"

I cannot even change my shirt in my bedroom without going around and closing ALL of the blinds and then standing in that one spot in the room where no one could see me even if they had super x-ray vision goggles. (Because the full length mirror would deflect the ultra x-ray beams, I reckon.)

I digress. More questions:

"How do I operate this machinery without looking like I have no idea what I'm doing?"
"What do I wear to yoga without looking like I have no idea what I'm doing?"
"How often does the staff rotate so that I can come back after I make a fool of myself because I have no idea what I'm doing?"

I'm a little apprehensive, to say the least. But Chris and I went out and bought workout clothes this evening, so I figure I'm halfway to fitness already! I plan to attend my first session tomorrow AM.

Any advice for a rookie?


oakie joel said...

what's a gym?

Mommy & Nehemiah said...

when you go in the locker room KEEP YOUR EYES ON YOUR FEET
I now have REAL fears of getting old thanks to some old ladies, I think there were 5 of them who thought it was completly ok to sit and talk on one of the benches IN THEIR BIRTHDAY SUITS. ALL OF THEM!!!!!!

Brandon's Mommy said...

okay ready, put your sports bra on over your bra, then unhook your bra and pull it out from the sides. when you are done, put your bra on over the sports bra, minus your straps, pull the sports bra straight up and off leaving your girls already safely tucked into your bra. then if you will be wearing some sort of shirt over your sports bra put that on, pull it as far down as it goes and then change your pants. At my gym for the most part, I catch sight of someones "girls" at least once a day. but in the end this will be no more daunting then the high school gym class. Also, remember to double knot and wear socks that stick up higher then your ankles or your shoes will rub you raw. The machines are actually really cool because after you put in your height, age (very depressing this year when i had to bump up to 25...i was super sad)and your weight, it will tell you how many calories you have burned based on your stats. If you choose to use the weights, start with about 20 pounds. Even though I assumed lifting my kid around all day would make me have super hero strength, I was wrong, 20 lbs was my starting point. Tee hee. Good luck. O ya, yoga class, you wear the same thing you wear to work out....

Megan said...

Does the YMCA offer classes? As in, exercise classes? I cannot, for the life of me, get myself to finish a workout on the treadmill, elliptical, stair stepper thingy, etc. I become bored out of my skull. I don't care if I'm watching TV or listening to rockin' tunes on my iPod. Sheer boredom. So, I started taking classes, where the music is pumped up and there's lots of people in there and, most importantly, an instructor who tells you what to do and won't let you quit. I am now hopelessly addicting to my weight lifting class, step aerobics and kickboxing. Don't know how I'd live without 'em.

Good luck! :-) You'll do great.

R-becca said...

I just wear my workout clothes TO the gym and back home. I lock my stuff up in the locker room and get my ipod ready, but that's about all the time I spend in there. It's super intimidating at first, with the machines and everyone knowing what they are doing already...but you just act like you've come there every day for the last 10 years and push the QUICK START button. You'll soon love it (I hope). I go to 24 Hour Fitness in the evening and watch the Simpsons...they have 4 TVs there!

Keep us posted!

Cam said...

Yay- good luck!