April 14, 2006

Life is a Big, Wobbly Ocean

Yes, the madness has begun.... I picked up this little drumset at WalMart yesterday and have not enjoyed a moment of quiet since...
(When Ezra's not playing it, Chris is.) hehe.

* * * *

I've been thinking a lot over the last couple of days about how incredibly FRAGILE love really is... it's hard to see that at the very beginning, but the truth is that the 'love heeby-jeebies' DO fade, and here's the real question: What will the foundation underneath them be when they go?

It's a sobering thought, and it's made me feel a little like I'm standing on one of those balance board toys... nothing feels stable (it's all wobbly) and the slightest movement of my feet sends me clamoring for the center again- where everything felt somewhat stable and orderly and I could control my own legs.

And knowing that love is so fragile, I can't expect to just kick things into cruise control and sail through this life without choosing to love, choosing to love, choosing to love every single day. It means choosing to communicate with Chris when all I want to do is hide in the bathroom until my heart rate slows to normal and the issue doesn't seem so gi-normous anymore. (A.K.A. "sweeping things under the rug"... I am quite good at this...)
It reminds me that I am not an exception in love... I have to fight for it and choose to honor it even if I feel like throwing in the towel and clocking out.

I'm learning that love really is more about dying to yourself than it is about warm, fuzzy feelings and romantic walks on the beach. (Because in reality, I've discovered we spend more time discussing budgets and changing diapers and doing laundry than we do prancing about in the golden sand....)

And on this Good Friday, I feel heavy with questions about love and life ... I feel reverent with thoughts of Him on the cross ... and I feel humbled by the realization that His love is the only anchor worth tying my little boat to in this big, wobbly ocean.

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