I am happy with three boys. I would be happy with four boys. I would be happy with three boys and a girl!
My husband is not ready to think about such things right this second... you know, because he is sane and possesses all of his faculties and whatnot.
I just really feel more and more confident that I was made for this. Not because I am good at it (guffaw!), but because it feels deeply right that I should be laying down my life in this way for this season. It's like a gut instinct that I am right where I am meant to be... in my home, with these boys.
It's not exactly the life I had always pictured for myself in my head while I was growing up... it's not exactly the life that the world and the media are telling me I should fight for and desire...
...It's only about one bajillion times better.
That's not to say that I don't have days where I want to fly the coop for awhile... get in the car and drive until I feel the jungle drums stop pounding in my head...
I do have those moments. But they are becoming fewer and farther between. Because I no longer feel the need to chase anything "greater". What I am doing in my home with these boys IS great! How could I have ever believed that this was...not enough? That I needed to contribute more and be more and do more in order to be... seen? Valued? Worthwhile?
It is a miracle that those jungle drums have ceased pounding through all of my days. They were driving me to a breaking point. I used to wake to them every morning and fight my way back to sleep through them at night.
I don't know exactly when they stopped hammering... those drums of war... but in their absence I can finally hear the truth:
I was made for this. It may not be easy and my life may not be featured on the cover of any glam magazine anytime soon... heck, I live in Oklahoma in a small brick house on a quiet little street... but what my life may be lacking in flash & pizazz, it more than makes up for in richness and depth. This simple life has deep churning oceans of eternal worth.
And there is nowhere else I'd rather be.