Prideful Fear.

I switched over from the classic blogger template to the newer version last night and only had about three nervous meltdowns in the process. {Go team me!} I had to recreate this website from scratch in the wee hours of the morning and while I was tweaking it and trying to salvage all those years of shoddy patchwork HTML coding, I just kept thinking of the few of you who might be checking my site at that moment and going blind from the horrendous hodge-podge that smacked you in the face instead of the nice, calming, neutral toned blog you'd come to expect here.

The good news: Now the site is much easier to maintain and also much easier to browse. Oh- and while I'm on clean up duty round these parts, let me know if there's anything else you'd like to see here or any ideas you have that would make this blog better. Things are still a bit wonky in places and will need to be messed with over time, so be patient with me, but please let me know if you see anything that is a little bit (or a LOT bit) 'off'.

Thank'ee kindly!

****************

Switching gears....  This morning at church I was hit with some gnarly revelations about pride and the fact that when I stew in anxiety and fear and worry, I am saying that I don't trust God and by not trusting God I am saying that I think I can handle things better than He can, and, when it comes down to it,  these things are really just PRIDE all gussied up in sheep's clothing.

5 Likewise, you who are younger, be subject to the elders. Clothe yourselves, all of you, with humility toward one another, for “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” 6 Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, 7 casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you.

Humility = Casting your cares on HIM.

So... conversely:

Pride = Not casting your cares on Him.

I had never thought about anxiety in that light before. It was like everything suddenly clicked and it made even more sense why I shouldn't go around living in fear of every single little thing the media tells me I should be terrified of. (lookout!!!  behind that tree!! germs! kidnappers! stretch marks!)

I think that a lot of times we believe that our constant anxiety and fear about things that we ultimately can't control make us better somehow.  Almost... righteous.  It becomes almost like this comfort thing... like we find our identity and worth on this earth within that fear rather than God Himself.  They become identity-stealing distractions.

God has been speaking to me so much lately about my roles as a woman and wife and mother and child and I was so blessed this morning to realize that at the root of every fear of mine, there is pride. I love learning how endlessly deep God's Words are when you stop and sink down in them a bit.  It HELPS me to know that this is where some of this stuff is coming from.  It helps me know how to pray (for myself) and find the deep down cause of some of the stuff I worry about all the time.

I want to be ever growing and changing and learning new things about God and his words.  I could learn a new thing about Him every second of every day and still only scratch the surface of all that He is.

I was so glad to be reminded of that this morning- that no matter how long I've known Him and walked with Him and studied His words...

I will never come to the end of Him.

Hallelujah.