October 17, 2009
I've been busier than usual and life is full. Myer is in a phase where, if I attempt to set him down for a moment to do something, he will reward me with RingWraith-like screeching and I can just feel the Eye of Sauron fixating upon my house. haha. SO, I pick him back up and end up staying up way too late each night trying to get everything done after he's finally in bed. Cleaning, working, editing, EATING. Things like that.
My heart has been full these days, as well, and some frustration has come along with that because I just haven't had a lot of time to sit and write it all out on paper like I have learned I need to do. When I don't have time to do that, I quickly become jumbled and lost and confused. As soon as I get my thoughts on paper, everything becomes clear and organized again. I don't understand why I am wired this way, but I've learned to accept it and go with it. I have been praying lately against any spirit of confusion that may be hanging over my life, because I've recently realized that that word strikes a deep chord in my soul and characterizes my heart and mind more than I am comfortable with.
Chris and I rented and watched all the Lord of The Rings movies a couple of weeks ago (hence the RingWraith/Eye of Sauron mumbo-jumbo up yonder) and I can't even begin to tell you how much God has used those movies to speak to me in the last month or so. When I was still in college, I had a dream one night that I was in the middle of a large field and there was a really intense battle going on all around me. Swords were clanging all around me and men were falling to the ground, and I felt so small and unprotected and I just knew it was only a matter of time before I myself would be run-through. Then I saw a white horse come up over the crest of a hill and there was a rider on it and the horse seemed to be flying it was moving so fast. Before I could get my eyes to focus on it, the horse was next to me and the rider had swooped me up and set me firmly in front of Him- His arms wrapped around me and His face right next to mine as we rode far, far away from the battle that had engulfed me. We rode and rode- through the most beautiful country I'd ever seen- so fast that I knew we were soaring over the ground. I cried and cried and cried in the dream as we rode, and clung to the rider's arm around me, because I knew that I had been RESCUED. In a very REAL way.
Fast forward to the first time I saw 'The Two Towers' movie. As I watched the Battle of Helm's Deep, I could not help but weep because it was such a sharp reminder of the dream I'd had years before.
As we re-watched the movies recently, I was rocked again. God did that for me in my own life! I was trapped, hopeless, and being besieged by an evil whose only objective was to kill me. To take me out! But when all hope had left me, God swept across the field of battle and saved me.
And then, last Sunday we sang a song in church that says:
"I lift my eyes up to the mountains, where does my help come from?
My help comes from You, Maker of Heaven, Creator of the Earth.
Oh how I need you Lord, You are my only Hope, You're my only prayer.
So I will wait for you to come and rescue me,
to come and give me life."
Needles to say, I was rocked again. Those lyrics, that movie, my dream... all beautiful reminders of what God has done for me (and you!) being hammered home in the most amazing way. I love Him more now than I think I ever have before, simply because I am finally beginning to understand the horror of what I was rescued FROM. I am so, so grateful... grateful enough to start actually believing Him and following Him with a level of faith and trust that I have not known before.
I hope to write more about all of this soon. There's so much more I could say.
at 9:58 AM