April 5, 2009

The One Who Loved me First.




- On Thursday, Chris realized that the women's retreat I was meant to be going to the next day really needed some one to come set up all the sound equipment for them. And even though it was totally last minute and there was nothing in it for him, he drove THREE HOURS down to the retreat with Ezra in tow and set up all the sound gear for us. And then he turned around a drove back home. And he did all of this CHEERFULLY! Because, get this, he just wanted to serve the women of the church! And I fell in love with him allll over again.

- He followed me down there (I had myer in my car with me) and pulled over with me three or four times so that I could calm my SCREAMING baby in the backseat. I was meant to have someone in the car with me on the way down, but it fell through at the very very last minute. The stress of driving all the way down there by myself with myer almost did me in. I would have turned around and gone home in tears if my husband had not been there to support me.

- While I was away at the retreat, he cleaned the house from top to bottom and did lots of fun things with ezra. Including the first official "Ezra & Daddy Dance Party". (I will try to post the video they made later.)

- When I slumped through the door last night after the retreat, he had the house SPOTLESS, all the laundry done, candles lit everywhere, jazz music on the stereo, and a tray of fresh fruit and cheese out for me to nibble on. Also, THERE WAS WINE.

- He put myer to bed and told me to take a bubble bath. I went from being a stressed-out ball of nerves to a pampered wife in a matter of seconds. After my bath, I fell into bed, (which had fresh sheets on it, btw) and passed out from exhaustion.

- This morning, he woke up early with the kids. He made me coffee (as he does every morning). He had to leave early for church, but before he left, he cleaned all the stuff out of my car and put the kid's car seats back in so that I wouldn't have to worry about it.


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I know he would be embarrassed if he knew I was typing all of this right now, but sometimes a little public acknowledgement is in order. He baffles me. He makes me want to be a better human being. A better wife. A better mother.

And, something I have been learning through all of this love of his, is that it is a gift. A gift for me... but not just from Chris. It is a gift from the God I love. He loves me through my husband's love. When Chris loves me so well, I feel like I am being loved by God himself.

I am also learning how to receive these outpourings of service and love from my husband without feeling like I need to "pay it all back" right away. It's almost like, before, when Chris would go above and beyond for me, I would never allow myself to fully enjoy it, because in the back of my head I was already trying to figure out how in the HECK I could ever repay him for it all.

Doesn't that sound crazy? But something is changing in me.

God lavished His love on me even though He knew I could never EVER even HOPE to "repay" Him.

And just like with my husband, I think I have missed out on a lot of things that He meant to bless me with, simply because I've been trying to somehow position myself and prove that I had "earned" them. That I somehow deserved them.

Marriage is meant to be a picture of God's love on this earth: Selfless. Ever-enduring. Healing. And Pure.

And as much as I'm in awe of the gift I have in Chris as my husband, I'm even more in awe of the gift I have in Christ, the One who loved me first.

18 comments:

misguided mommy said...

Your husband is kind of like Edward...
HE IS TOTALLY SCREWING IT UP FOR EVERY OTHER HUSBAND OUT THERE!

He needs to start his own blog schooling men on how to ROCK!

Outnumbered by 3 Stooges!! said...

Chris is amazing

Anne said...

Seriously...amazing. You are blessed my friend. :-)

lorieloo said...

I love this. I think I too, struggle with the keeping us, and not just accepting the gifts.

What a beautiful picture of Christs love, so perfect and pure, and yes, selfless. So refreshing in a world that is so self driven eh?

Glad it was a good weekend, and that you were pampered and loved and taken care of as well!

lorieloo said...

that was suppose to say "keeping Up" not keeping "us". I think pregnancy has rendered my typing useless.

MsN said...

What a guy. Yay for Chris! You deserve it. Can't wait to hear more about the retreat.

Katy said...

i love it when men realize that God calls them to treat their wife like God treated the Church. You are a blessed women and Chris is a blessed man to have you. I admire you and your adorable little family so much. What a Godly family and couple. This was great to read and I can only hope that Matt will treat me the same way--I know he will and that is an amazing feeling when you KNOW that God has given you the one person He literally created just for you. :-)

R-becca said...

I love God's love through people. So happy to hear you are blessed so much through your husband. You are a lucky woman.

Piper said...

I don't want to sound cynical, because I don't mean it like that at all. And I know I said it once before, but it's true. Not every woman can have a Chris.

You are very blessed Emery, it's wonderful that you realize it.

I have a tiny, teensy tiny, glimmer of hope for myself now somehow. I wonder if God will show me he loves me like that someday?
I know he can.

claire said...

And the best thing about love and care and support is that it doesn't (shouldn't) be paid back. You should just simply send it forward in any direction where it is needed. It makes you free and the world a better place to live.

Carbo1021 said...

That was such a great post and a great reminder to start off the week.

Thank you!

hunnybeemay said...

Beautiful. Take it all in . You are blessed.

Erin said...

I love this post. You do have a very amazing husband. And God is pretty cool too :) Thanks for sharing.

becks said...

AWwweee Emmm.....That was so sweet to read. You guys are awesome, your whole family is great, and I feel so blessed to know you. I think Jojo must have some really great disernment...Chris has such a sweet spirit! -Hope and Jo's mom

stina said...

this is so so so the echo of my heart.
i might just need to make myself my own book out of my fave posts you've written.

stina said...

i love this because i have been telling myself, my best friends, and my "boyfriend" the same things you said about chris-how he is a gift and so forth.....that's what i meant when i said the echo of my heart. it's helpful to learn through your experience too-not to fret about paying back anything for this gift...i'm so lacking eloquence because i'm in a rush but i'm sure you get the idea. and my heart has been wanting to hope for a husband like this for so long and through so many painful experiences and it's amazing to KNOW that God is giving this to me.

katie jean said...

thank you. this put into words what i cannot express to my own darling love. you blessed me with this and God used you as a vessel to communicate better with my beloved. i'm just glad i have experienced this myself because i wouldn't believe this was possible otherwise. isn't it refreshing and heart-filling when God chooses to show us His truth through the everyday blessings? the only catch is we have to be willing to see them as just that, BLESSINGS from Him. thanks for sharing this with the family of God who you may never meet- God is using you...who'd of thought blogging could mean so much. (because i'm at that emotional point of my month, this brought tears to my eyes...and down my cheeks for that matter...not that this changes the meaning of what you share) blessings on you and yours, katie jean

Anonymous said...

I read your blogs all the time but this is the first time responding. I too have a Chris..and I mean it. My husbands name is Chris. You have put into words what my heart has been trying to say. Love like that is amazing, and it is true..that 'chris love' is really 'Christ love' and it is amazing. Thank you for your blogs, I enjoy reading them an am always encouraged. You are a blessing Emery.
Katie..an old highschool classmate.