September 9, 2008
In the Dark.
Thank you all for your much needed encouragement and for letting me know I'm not crazy for feeling so bummed about the ultrasound.
I AM REEEAAALLLY BUMMED.
I can't go to any of those other ultrasound places because you are required to have already had an ultrasound with your physician before any of those places will even see you. Some liability issue I think. This is how they word it:
"A routine ultrasound examination must have already been performed to assess the gestational age of the fetus and to evaluate for fetal anomalies as well as the basic components of fetal anatomy recommended for screening."
I have yet to receive a SINGLE ultrasound with this pregnancy so far, and I think that's part of the reason I am feeling so frustrated and uneasy about everything. I have NO idea what's going on inside of me and I'm over 5 MONTHS into this. I know that ultrasounds are not necessary, that women were having perfectly healthy babies long before the technology came along, but I have just felt so "in the dark" for this entire pregnancy. I don't feel like I'm being taken care of well. My appointments keep getting bumped and rescheduled, and it makes a girl feel like they don't have time for her, you know? If they didn't have time for me, I'd rather they had told me that UP FRONT so that I could have found a facility that DID have the time.
Maybe this is all happening because I'm on the state's insurance. Maybe I'm considered the 'bottom of the food chain' because I couldn't pay for a birth out of pocket and the insurance options for self-employed people desiring to getting pregnant were nothing short of LAUGHABLE. (I pay YOU more than you'll pay out for ME? Thanks, but NO THANKS.) Maybe I'm not getting treated as well as others are.
I don't know what to do. I feel like the medical center doesn't even care or understand how hard this is. There's been no compassion or attempting to make things better.
My only hope is to call the place everyday to see if they've had any cancellations. They can't/won't refer me out to any other facility besides their own. They said they don't have a 'waiting list'... that I have to keep ASKING THEM over and over again if they have space for me sooner. That feels a whole lot like begging to me. But I'll do it. I'll beg their ears off. Because it's the only thing I CAN do at this point.
I need some ice cream.
at 8:11 PM