Height: 50th percentile
Weight: 20th percentile
Head Circumference?: 99TH PERCENTILE.
This explains much; including (but in no way limited to):
-the stretched out necks on every t-shirt he owns.
-the fact that when he turns his head, his whole body rotates.
-his extra smart and large brainy brains.
-and the need for extra face surface to house those gargantuan eyes.
Also, this explains the whiplash he received the other day when he and I were shopping at the Walmart in Reno. (Shannon, you will sympathize with me here.) I had parked at Babies R Us to look for a sticker book to take with us on the flight home, but they didn't have any, so Ezra and I walked right next door to Walmart. I stuck him in a cart and he was a perfect angel in the store. We bought a couple of books for the plane and some snacks and other random items and checked out. I was pushing him in the cart and came to a spot where I had to cross a line of traffic in order to get back over to the Babies R Us where my car was. I was pushing him pretty fast because that's how we roll, when all of the sudden my shopping cart came to a dead halt.
It was like I'd hit an invisible wall... My body slammed into the handle bar of the cart and Ezra's huge noggin flew back and snapped forward again and he started screaming like it had hurt him. I was right-smack in the middle of the street where cars were trying to pull into the parking lot. I tried to pull the cart, push the cart, twist the cart out of the way... but nothing worked. We were mysteriously STUCK and I had a cart full of bags and a screaming toddler and a line of angry, honking cars waiting for me to get out of the middle of the road. My car was only about 15 yards away.
Some younger guys in a car rolled down their window and started making fun of me as I pulled Ezra out of the cart and tried to pile all of my grocery bags onto my other arm. I left the cart where it was and a big angry sweaty man jumped out of his car and glared at me and tried to move my cart out of his way. He couldn't move it either. The cars had to eventually back up and find another way into the lot.
Apparently, Walmart has installed a MAGNETIC FIELD around their parking lot so that no shopping carts can be removed. When I crossed this invisible, UNMARKED line, the wheels of my cart became completely locked down and there was nothing I could do about it. I sure hope Walmart saves enough shopping carts to offset the cost of all the impending lawsuits they are sure to receive.
I've never been more angry in my life. WHO DOES THIS? Especially when they are neighbors to a BABIES R US?! How many moms are trying to push their kids back and forth from one of those stores to the other everyday? RAWR GRR! **insert morally acceptable obscenities here**
Ezra has a giant head, and Walmart has a giant assface.