What's Outside the Window.

I went shopping with my mom today and finally found a pair of big, funky glasses that didn't make me look like I was trying too hard to be a big, funky glasses wearin' type of girl. I know you all know what I'm talking about. I love them and they only cost me four quarters.

meow!


Ezra is slowly getting back to good- he's still all green goopyfied but he seems to be feeling a lot better on the whole. We fly out from Reno on Monday.

The wedding that I am missing is today. That's all I have to say about that. (*sniff*cry*whine*blabberbloobleeblah*)

I was feeling restless last night and wanted to go meet my brother Jaxon for a drink but ended up wandering around in Walmart until I just drove home again. Then I felt like doing something crazy like pulling over to the side of the road and just laying on top of the car and watching the stars for awhile and breathing in the night air, but I settled for cracking opening the car's sun roof while I drove along instead. I feel like so often I have these bursts and pangs and calls to life but I'm too scared or lazy to act on them and if I do that for too long then my whole life will slip away without me ever taking the time to run and dance and twirl in the fresh air outside of my box of routine and comfort.

As I got closer to my parent's house I turned on my brights and kept my eye out for deer by the side of the road because there are always deer by the side of the road out here. And as I drove I realized that if I had seen deer I would have thought of them as hazardous driving obstacles before I'd have thought of them as amazing animals that had more right to be in the woods than the asphalt road I was driving on did.

I don't really know what I'm talking about here. Just thoughts. All I know is there's a surfacey kind of life that I don't want to fall into. It's a struggle everyday to live beyond it, beneath it, through it... but living on a deeper level is the only life I want. It's the only life that will really satisfy.