March 17, 2007

What's Outside the Window.

I went shopping with my mom today and finally found a pair of big, funky glasses that didn't make me look like I was trying too hard to be a big, funky glasses wearin' type of girl. I know you all know what I'm talking about. I love them and they only cost me four quarters.

meow!


Ezra is slowly getting back to good- he's still all green goopyfied but he seems to be feeling a lot better on the whole. We fly out from Reno on Monday.

The wedding that I am missing is today. That's all I have to say about that. (*sniff*cry*whine*blabberbloobleeblah*)

I was feeling restless last night and wanted to go meet my brother Jaxon for a drink but ended up wandering around in Walmart until I just drove home again. Then I felt like doing something crazy like pulling over to the side of the road and just laying on top of the car and watching the stars for awhile and breathing in the night air, but I settled for cracking opening the car's sun roof while I drove along instead. I feel like so often I have these bursts and pangs and calls to life but I'm too scared or lazy to act on them and if I do that for too long then my whole life will slip away without me ever taking the time to run and dance and twirl in the fresh air outside of my box of routine and comfort.

As I got closer to my parent's house I turned on my brights and kept my eye out for deer by the side of the road because there are always deer by the side of the road out here. And as I drove I realized that if I had seen deer I would have thought of them as hazardous driving obstacles before I'd have thought of them as amazing animals that had more right to be in the woods than the asphalt road I was driving on did.

I don't really know what I'm talking about here. Just thoughts. All I know is there's a surfacey kind of life that I don't want to fall into. It's a struggle everyday to live beyond it, beneath it, through it... but living on a deeper level is the only life I want. It's the only life that will really satisfy.

8 comments:

Casey Kendall said...

Wow! Those are some big, funky glasses that don't really make you look like a big, funky glasses wearin' girl...

Anonymous said...

Oh, Emery! I miss you! (jacquie here- i don't have a blog thingy so I am anonymous girl tonight- kinda nice to be her! heh heh.) I think it has been something like 428 days since I have seen you...maybe an exaggeration- but still I miss you like it's been 428 days. Glad your coming home...I'm leaving tomorrow for Little Rock to attempt to help habitat for humanity build some houses. Spring Break 07 RULZ! But as soon as I return we must have a
dinner party- cause we throw some sweet dinner parties! love love love you. -jacqs

stina said...

here, here!!
on pretty much all that you said.
about the sunglasses.
about pulling over and looking at the stars and not avoiding that sort of thing for too long before it becomes the norm in your life.
about the deer.
...LIFE!! that's what it really is...or should be. not lowercase, but all caps and exciting and invigorating.

r-becca said...

Gosh, I love you. I hope we live in the same place again someday. It just makes sense.

chris said...

Emery you are damn sexy!

i can say that cause shes my wife........

Scott and Lorie said...

I have those moments, like do I have the audacity to act childish, to live in the spur of the moment, to be free to dance in the rain, instead of just doing what is expected? Know you're not alone in your ponderings...

L.A. Daddy said...

Love the glasses! I could be a big pimp-mac daddy in those!

Yeah, you've really got to force yourself to do something crazy. I do it in bits and spurts.

Start small. Don't go the same way home every day. Then amp it up a bit. Before you know it, you'll be a doing your own solo Chinese Fire Drill during rush hour traffic.

I'd love to see your mug shot take in those glasses, however...

Anna Joy Photography said...

Those glasses are fabulous! Nice choice :)

p.s. I am glad you are feeling better!!