November 13, 2006
Death by Hippie
I got bombarded today at the supermarket by a 40 year old lady trying to recruit me to go on her "month long camping trip" with her and a slew of others "as cool as her". (her words, not mine.). She and her two small children were lurking around the soy milk cold case (the perfect lure for their prey) when they pounced on me and trapped me in front of the big, refridgerated wall of dairy. I couldn't move. She had me cornered. Meanwhile, about 12 other shoppers were trying to GET IN to the cases to get their milk, and they all were very, um, unsympathetic towards me and my prison-like-state.
My captor began asking me a million questions...none of which seemed to lead anywhere or bring the end of her inquisition any nearer.
"Have you ever been to GROOVEFEST?"
"Have you ever been to a LOVEFEST?"
"Have you ever been to a RAINBOW GATHERING?"
"Have you ever been to a PHISH concert?"
"Have you ever been to a DEAD concert?"
AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON AND ON....(I'm not kidding. She asked me like 20 questions just like this.) She should have just come out and asked "Do you want to smoke pot with me and my friends in the Forrest for 30 days?" and spared me the lengthy round-about invitation.
By this time I had pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I would never again see the light of day, and was doomed to perish in front of the wall of milk at the local grocery store. The cause of death on my death certificate would read: "Death by Hippie", and at my memorial, everyone would speak of how they never could have prepared themselves for this tragic, tragic end.
Finally, she said something about a month long camping trip somewhere in Arkansas... where they have a 'play area' for the kids...and she told me about some website to visit. (I'm kicking myself now for not remembering it. I'm sure the site is probably quite comical. At the time she told it to me, however, I was too busy making my peace with God to write anything down.)
I eventually got away from her "aggressive recruiting strategy" and immediately thanked Jesus for a second chance at life.
When I got home and told Chris about my encounter, he didn't seem surprised.
I personally was baffled why someone would target ME of all people for their hippie camping trip, but Chris just shrugged and said nonchalantly:
"It's because you're wearing a beanie."
Note to self: Burn all beanies... And, while I'm at it, burn all bras too. No, wait! Just the beanies. Yeah...just the beanies...
at 8:43 PM