By a little someone who will remain anonymous. But I will say this... the suspect weighs about 23 lbs and has been known to get his legs stuck in between the slats of his crib in the middle of the night. Oh, and he was last seen wearing nothing but one sock and a diaper...
I know, I know... cameras aren't good toys for 19-month-old boys with peanut butter on their fingers, but it wasn't like that, I swear! We don't let Ezra play with the camera. But, a couple days ago I dozed off and Chris was busy on the computer, and before we could say 'Bob's Your Uncle', Ezra had crept back to the office, scaled the office chair, grabbed the digital camera (R.I.P.) and PUSHED the lens in really hard. It's jammed. Stuck. It makes a pathetic little clicking sound when we try to turn it on- like its last desperate coughs before it's trip to the camera graveyard.
I tried to fix it. (and by "fix it", I mean pushing the lens in further and repeatedly smashing all the buttons.)
I got on Cannon's website and was so relieved to discover that our camera was indeed still under its warranty, and that all I had to do was send it in and they'd fix it. But then I started to read the terms of their so-called "Limited Warranty", and it turns out that they will only fix the camera under certain circumstances, including (and completely limited to):
1. If the box they shipped you when you first bought the camera was empty upon opening it, and in place of the camera you found either (a) one sock puppet, (b) a live snake, or (c) a dead rat.
2. If you received your Cannon camera in working order, but then, in the cover of darkness, an actual Cannon Employee snuck in to your house and hit the camera repeatedly with a hammer while you were in bed sleeping soundly.
3. If your camera was abducted by Martians who then implanted an alien SD Card into the card slot which contained sensitive information about their plan to take over the world in the year 2096 using nothing but spoons and old recordings of Michael Bolton.
Turns out, this Limited Warranty is more limited than I had initially thought.
I would send it in anyways and pray that a Cannon employee would have mercy on our souls and fix the camera even though it had obviously been abused by a one-and-a-half year old child, and not by Martians or sock puppets, but I keep recalling a spooky incident my mom told me about recently that happened when she tried to send her 'Blackberry' in to get repaired while it was still under her limited warranty.
She called them to make sure she could send it back, and the person she spoke to at the 'Blackberry' headquarters proceeded to tell her that they couldn't repair the device for her because THEIR RECORDS SHOWED that this particular Blackberry had been DROPPED on such-and-such a date, and was therefore not eligible for the repair covered by warranty.
Oh, and also, we know WHAT YOU WERE WEARING when you dropped your Blackberry and WHAT YOU"D EATEN FOR LUNCH that day and we know what expletive left your mouth immediately AFTER such said incident because our records show ALL.... MWA HA HA HA!
So, now I have a dilemma. We can't afford to get another camera just yet, but I've just started this online Vintage Clothing store that requires, um, PICTURES so that people will know what they are buying and can put their minds at ease that I am not trying to sell them my old Miami Dolphin Hammer Pants under the guise of "Amazing, VIBRANT trousers that offer extreme COMFORT and RANGE OF MOTION whilst supporting WILDLIFE VENTURES! MUST L@@K!#!"
Fortunately for us, we also have a video camera, so whenever Ezra does something cute and adorable, I am right there with the camera in his face saying (in my nasal tone) "AWWW GOOOOOOD BoYYYYYYY EZRA! GOOOOOD BOYYYYYY! HARDY HAR HAR SNORT! I hate hearing my voice being played back with the video.
It's enough to make me never speak again.
In the meantime, maybe I'll just post old pictures of Ezra with some "edited touches" added to them. (i.e. moustaches drawn on in 'Paint') to help you see how quickly he's growing.
Other than that, expect a lot of video clips.
With edited sound.
To spare you all my monster voice.