April 19, 2006

I feel funky.

I took Ezra to the zoo today with my friend Erin and her darling little boy Ethan. Ezra didn't see a whole lot of animals though because they were all sleeping and then I looked down and he was asleep in his stroller too. I meant to take pictures-- I brought my camera but forgot my batteries. (genius!)

My favorite animal was the mini owl. Ezra really enjoyed the sea lions. They kept swimming by the window and hanging upsidedown in the water for him. Sea lions are goofballs. This is why Ezra and I love them.

He's finally asleep now, and I feel like I need to take a long bath. I'm feeling stretched pretty thin. I want Ezra to be happy, but I just feel like he's angry or upset about something most of the time. (screamy tantrums). And when I hang out with other people's kids, they don't seem to be upset and frustrated most of the time- they just seem happy...
What am I doing wrong? I feel totally worn out from trying to think of what it could be that's causing him to be this way. Something he's eating? gas? not enough sleep? too hot? too cold? hungry? full? teething? sick? just plain frustrated?? The list could go on for miles...
I just want someone to swoop in and tell me what to do to fix it. I'm so tired from trying to figure it out on my own.

mommying is hard.

I stumbled across the lyrics from a song I wrote a few months ago...
I feel like this bit applies really well to what I'm feeling right now.

Do I love him enough?
Does he get what he needs?
I am carrying him-
but who's carrying me?

Sorry to be a downer again... I'll write more a little later when I feel more rested and less funky.


Cheatwoods said...

OH emery, Kids act up when they are out of there comfort zone! Your a good Mommy, but he can feel when you are stressed! Its ok to need a long bath and some time to yourself! When you come to SLO I well take him for a while! Im serious! My son is SUPER HAPPY and he cried all day sunday!! We love you and relax, go do something by yourself! Its good for you!!

Mandee said...

I can't tell you how many times I've turned to my husband with tears in my eyes asking him why I can't figure it out. Why is everyone elso so good at this and I'm so bad? He usually doesn't have anything enlightning to say so I fall asleep in prayer. Oh and think of him as being independent...babies just express it as being crabby. They can't tell you "No mommy I don't want to eat these stupid green beans. I want chocolate chip cookies. Will you kindly get some for me?" So they scream and yell until you exhaust yourself trying to figure out what the heck they want. :)

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