Worth The Fight.

This morning I grabbed my new favorite coffee mug, the one that is as big as my face, and filled it up to the brim. It's the biggest cup we have, and my sweet husband must know how desperately I need the extra ounces these days, because he hand washes it every night before bed and leaves it out on the counter for me so that I can just stumble into the kitchen and POUR.

What a man.

The thing that seems to be pulling the life from my bones these days is not the wee babe. It is not the extremely in-your-face six year old. It is the little dude in the middle.



The other day, he had a two hour screaming fit simply because I told him he could have his cupcake AFTER lunch, and not before.

He screamed and screamed and screamed, and then suddenly, on my 150th time of going back to his room to explain that he was welcome to come out and eat his lunch as soon as he stopped throwing a fit, he looked at me and said "Okay, mama!" and hopped off the chair. He came out to the table, ate his WHOLE lunch, and the got his cupcake with a heaping side of affirmation.

And he seems to really get it about the treats now. But he's still fighting me on every thing else. This morning for example, we are smack dab in the middle of an epic battle of the wills again.

He was whipping the furniture with a metal chain... you know how they do... and I told him firmly to "stop" three or four times. He didn't stop, so I scooped him up and stuck him in timeout. I went back a couple of minutes later and told him that he needs to stop when I say stop, and I asked him to respond with "Yes mama" like he's supposed to, but instead I got a furrowed brow and a glare.

For over an hour we did this. Me asking him to say "Yes mama" when I told him to listen and obey, and he just glaring at me like an angry caveman.

Finally I told him that if he didn't respond properly, he was going to have to go straight to bed for his nap.

Guess where he is right now?

Yep. Bed.

He is the MOST stubborn child I have ever seen!!!



I am encouraged today, however, because I seem to be able to feel the weight of what I am doing with Myer. I am training and correcting him in the way he should go, and there is no greater gift that I can give the boy in life than that. During all the crying and stubbornness this morning, I seem to be able to hear God whispering to my heart that "This is good, this is good, this is good!"

Correcting my child in love and with firmness will be health to his bones all the days of his life. And all of these little struggles and battles that no one sees have the power to shape the man that Myer will become, which in turn could shape the lives of countless other people as he grows and the decades march on.

When I am able to remember that fact, I feel so VERY important! So USEFUL in the Kingdom of God! So HONORED to have been chosen for such a high calling! (Three times over, none the less!)

Why is it so dang hard to remember this? When I forget it, which is almost always the case, I begin to feel so useless, so unseen, so... trapped. My kids suffer, I suffer, my husband suffers. Negativity and bitterness reign in my house. May I never forget the truth of the worth of my job again!!

The interesting thing about all of this is that last week, at the women's study that I go to, we were talking about learning to submit our stubborn wills to the will of God so that we can have abundant life.

Helloooo prime example! When I was looking into Myer's caveman face earlier, I couldn't help but giggle a little. It was like I could suddenly see myself in his place. I have been setting my face towards God in the same way! I have been refusing to respond to His loving correction with equal amounts of stubbornness! I have been choosing to remain in the chair when I could be off truly living!

Thankfully, all I have to do is repent of my stubbornness and hardness towards God (since the ability to repent is the greatest GIFT God has given us on this Earth) and I am RIGHT back in the game. Over and done. It's as simple as that!

Now, if only my two year old would get the "repentance" memo...there are games to be played and books to be read and pages to be colored! We'll see how the flip side of this nap goes. I'm sensing a glorious VICTORY! Because he is so very worth the fight!



:)

Myer's Pajama Pancake Party!

We had Myer's birthday party at 9:30AM this morning and it was awesome!

I wanted to keep it really laid back and simple, seeing as how he's TWO and all. Why stress myself out too much about something he won't even remember, right?

RIGHT.

I made up some invites in Photoshop and emailed them to my neighbors and my in-laws:



The only things on the agenda were:
-Stay in PJs.
-Cook pancakes & bacon for everyone.
-Open gifts
-Hang out

And, you guys, it was such a BLAST! The kids played, we chatted, and Myer got to feel special and celebrated!

I highly recommend doing early Saturday morning birthday parties. The kids were well-rested and didn't even have to change out of their Pjs... the adults sipped on coffee and ate yummy breakfast... and it was all wrapped up by 11:30, so it didn't take up everyone's whole Saturday!

Wonderful wonderment, I tell ya. Here's a few photos from the shebang:

chris cooked up the yummiest breakfast... while looking quite yummy himself. heh.

myer deeply contemplated the elusiveness of time as he monched his pancake.

then he stared out the window and mentally paid tribute to the days gone by.

then he looked at us all like he was worried for our sanity as we sang him 'happy birthday'.

the syrup flowed like wine.

ezra pretended to be a unicorn and then speared me in the temple. ow.

justin won the award for best pajama presentation.

myer finally figured out that opening presents is FUN rather than a form of torture! (Christmas was interesting.)

myer got a baby sized electric blue piano from MoMar & DooDad!
(Soon you'll all be saying, "Mozart who??")

What fun! Happy Birthday again to my little moose!

Seven Hundred and Thirty Days.

Once upon a time, there was a mamma. A mamma whose heart was a little bit broken and whose life felt a little too snug.

She stretched and fought against the role of motherhood that sometimes felt like it was ruthlessly stomping out the rest of her.

her, then.

After a long struggle, God rescued her from feeling like she was never enough... from feeling like raising her child wasn't a high enough calling in and of itself. He came and showed her that this season was handcrafted for her growth and well-being, and the growth and well-being of her family, and that it was MORE than enough.

That it was, in fact, the most IMPORTANT thing in the world.

That revelation was infinity times stronger than any anti-depressant that could be prescribed for her.

And this mamma, after being rescued from that unrelenting despair, felt her heart expand so much that it suddenly felt... quite roomy. Life no longer felt too snug or tight, it now felt broad and wide and sweeping! She found deep in her gut a strange new longing- a longing for new life.

Seven hundred and thirty days ago, that life arrived, and we named him Myer Elliot- "A Bringer of Light to the Lord our God".

him, then.

And for seven hundred and thirty days, that is exactly what Myer Elliot has been for me. He has lit up the face of God for me- so that I can see Him more clearly than I ever have before. He is a daily reminder and remembrance of what God has done in my heart... running up and down the halls squealing with delight, a banner proclaiming my rescue and freedom from despair.

What joy & laughter he has brought to our house! To his brother, to his father, to our parents and families! He is a huge blessing in our lives, and I know he is destined for amazing things.

him, now!

So... to my sweet, lighthearted boy of TWO:

Happy happy happy Birthday!
You make life bright!

Sleep Eating.

This is the best video clip in the whole entire world.

When The Baby Turns One.

So, he turned one today...

...aaaand my baby fever escalated to about 300 degrees Fahrenheit.

What in the Hay?? It took four years to catch the baby fever again after I had Ezra.

Is it hot in here, or is it just me?

heh.

Anywho. Thanks to all who called, texted, sent cards, and messaged birthday wishes to our little man. He loved all the special attention today. But mostly, I think, it was all about the cookie:



"oh mommy, has i told you lately that i love you?"




"wait... there WILL be more where this came from, yes?"

It feels like that was the fastest year of my life. What a precious little patootie he is.

The Many Months of Myer.

My BABY is turning one in a couple of days, so I thought I'd put together a little photo tribute of his yummy face.

You know, for the good of all mankind.

This baby right here has been a springboard into deeper pools of joy than I ever knew existed.

Myer Elliot. Our baby sunbeam with cherries on top.
















Oh, how we love you so!!

The Incredible Adventures of Myer Elliot, Month Seven!

My life, as I knew it, is so very much OVER.

Myer is crawling around so quickly I can barely keep up with him. No... really. Like, I set him down, look away for 30 seconds to tend to my other child, and then CAN'T FIND THE BABY. Because he's halfway across the house.

And he loves WIRES more than anything else in the world. (WHY, Lord?)

On top of this, he has started pulling himself up to a stand on every single thing he can grab onto in my house. But his little chicken legs aren't nearly strong enough to support this act, so he is constantly toppling over and smacking himself on various objects. Who's daredevil baby is this??

He has sprouted three teeth in the last two weeks, and there are some more just about to break through. (That's a total of 6, now, all the way out.) He is not sleeping well because of it, and nothing seems to help him with the pain of it all.



He has also started biting me really hard whenever I try to nurse him. hahahhahahahha*weepy hyperventilation*. Ezra never really did this, so I am (once again) at a total loss of what to do. Feeding my baby has become, like, the most stressful thing EVER. It's like sticking my hand in a pool of sharks and just hoping for the best! (Oh, and also, did I mention? I have a raw T-Bone steak in my hand. And the sharks haven't eaten in four days.)

I am TIRED. And exhausted. And sore. Yet, somehow... very much aware of how SHORT this tumultuous time is in the grand scheme of things.

our HOT zoo day with Harmony!

So, there's that, I suppose.

Today was rough, though. I let it all get to me. I was up all night and woke up suuuuper early with Myer and had a really bad attitude that I just couldn't snap out of all day. (One of those days where you keep looking at the clock and CRYING because you swear it is not. moving. at all.)

There are still SEVEN days left until Ezra starts school again.

Right now, that seems like seven mini interminable lifetimes away.

Send in the clowns!!




Yes, my life as I knew it really is over.

Thank Goodness!

Now? It really is so much better.

myer elliot- three months.

oh, sweet myer.

You feel more like an old companion than a wee 15 week old thang. I don't believe in reincarnation, but I do believe in 'old souls'... eyes that are deeper and spirits that are somehow smoother and more aware. You are an old soul.

And you are already a full incarnation of your name, child.

You are a "Bringer of Light". You are a Lantern Holder at the house gate... Lighting up new dimensions of happiness in your mamma's heart, in your brother's heart, in your papa's heart.

You slipped right into your familial spot like a ball being thrown to a juggler at just the right moment. Suddenly, there were more of us in the air, in the equation, but you were absorbed so seamlessly- it was like there was always space for you- just waiting for you to tumble in and fill it.

You are definetly a "rolls with the punches" kind of a guy. Nothing ruffles your feathers too much. You can get ticked, but it lasts about 8 seconds... and then you're over it.

I like that in a man.

It's almost like you're all, "Rawr! The NERVE of some people! How DARE you?! How dare you... how... how... meh. This is SO not worth my time."

This will be a good trait to maintain, son, because probably 97% of the stuff we adults spend our time fretting over and stressing over and wearing our bodies down over aren't really even worth a second thought.

You talk a lot more than Ezra ever did when he was a baby. You concentrate very hard on your conversations with people, and today in the backseat, while we were driving back home, you said something that sounded EXACTLY like "underwear". Ezra and I looked at eachother and just started busting our guts. I had tears in my eyes it was so funny. And then, a couple of days ago, I could have sworn you said 'umbrella'.

You also have this one noise you repeat often that sounds like a goo-y version of "ezra".

Whenever you do that one and your big brother is around, he just about blows a gasket. He thinks it's so hilarious and he gets right in your face and says "yes? can i hewlp you, mymy?" And then he laughs some more.

See? Bringer of light.



You are more than I could have ever dreamed for, darling. I fear these moments are slipping away too fast. My memory has never been worth beans, and there's a deep feeling of panic in my gut that these times with you are slipping out of my reach like someone pouring lemonade through a colander. There is this terror in me that there will only a few bits of pulp left to sort through in my mind as time steamrolls on.

I want to remember everything about you. Every facial expression, every sound, and the way your toes seem to sit on top of your foot like ten of those little cocktail sausages.

I know it's impossible to capture someone fully in memories like that, but I'm going to try and keep as much of you as I can in my mind.

I can think of no lovelier thing to fill the space with.

I love you, bean.

~mamma

Myer Elliot's Birth Story.

The day before Myer was born (Sunday), I was having irregular contractions- anywhere from 9 to 20 minutes apart. Then they would stop completely for awhile. They were nothing more than slightly uncomfortable, so I wasn't sure that anything was happening. I went to bed that night and slept comfortably, only waking up a few times to whimper through a contraction before falling right back to sleep again.

At 6:00 am, I had a couple of contractions that felt a little bit stronger. I was up and out of bed around 7:00. Contractions were still sporadic.

Then 7:30AM came along. Suddenly, my contractions were only 5 minutes apart and I couldn't talk through them anymore. We timed these contractions for about 45 minutes before my husband's gut instinct told him he needed to get me to the hospital... much sooner than later.



He scooped Ezra up in one arm, still in his PJs, scooping his bowl of cereal up in the other hand, and jogged down the street to my neighbor Nikki's house. All I can say about this is THANK GOD FOR NIKKI. Yes, indeed.

He jogged back to the house and grabbed a few last minute things, all the while I'm squatting and working my way through intense contractions. Then we get in the car and drive the 20 minutes to the hospital. It only felt like 2 minutes to me.

We got up to the labor & delivery floor and went up to the check-in desk. There was another woman waiting in front of me- also in labor- but there was no one behind the desk. NO ONE BEHIND THE DESK! For a good 5 minutes, I writhed on the floor and moaned. FINALLY, a woman stuck her head around the corner and was all, "Can I help you? I've been sitting right here the whole time." THE WHOLE TIME. I was soooo pissed.

This woman proceeded to take me to a room so that she could enter all my information into the computer system. I couldn't answer her questions- the contractions were too intense to talk through. Thankfully, another nurse came in and said she thought she needed to check how dilated I was right then because I was "looking serious". I thanked her profusely. She checked me and I was already 8 centimeters dilated. Say what?!

I cried tears of joy. I really did.

They quickly wheeled in a bed, plopped me on it, and took me straight to a labor room. All the while the nurse was yelling "History of rapid delivery! History of rapid delivery!" as everyone scrambled to get everything ready around me.

At this point, I was still smiling and talking between every contraction. My friend Leanne showed up to help us through the labor, and we were all chatting away and excited and making calls. When a contraction would come, I would breathe through it and I felt like I was totally in control and able to manage each one as it came. After each contraction, I was able to relax.

When my midwife, Leeanna, walked in I was totally THRILLED. She happened to be on the labor floor that day, which meant that the woman who had handled all of my prenatal care was going to be delivering my baby. If she hadn't been on call that day, she wouldn't have made it in time. I was overjoyed when I saw her face! We laughed at how craaaazy fast everything was happening and we tried to get my antibiotic IV drip started for the Group Strep B.

Somewhere around this time, my contractions started getting even more intense. In between each contraction I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I was still able to breathe through them and stay on top of them, but I could tell things were REALLY happening.

Chris held my hand and told me how flushed and beautiful I looked. He said I had that 'far away look in my eyes' like I was about to give birth to a baby. He cheered me through every contraction- telling me I was doing amazing- and helped guide my breathing and encouraged me to relax. In the midst of all of this insanity, I felt peaceful inside. I knew I was doing well... that everything was okay.

I could feel Myer making his way down the birth canal, and the pressure on my tailbone became very, very intense. It felt good to apply counter-pressure with my hand, and my midwife was laughing because she couldn't get me to move it out of her way for anything. So, she let it be. Did I mention I love her?

I was moaning and breathing and crying out as it came nearer to the time to push. It just felt good to make some noise. So I did. I think I remember saying 'Jesus' a lot. Because... well... OW. Jesus HELP ME.

My water broke. People scrambled around again. Not long after that, I managed to say "puu-shing!" I was fully dilated and his head was right there. Pushing was quite a bit more painful this time around, because it took longer (about 30 minutes) and my midwife was there guiding me- telling me when to push gently and when to bear down. I definitely felt the 'ring of fire' more this time around, but I was completely able to follow her direction... I was still in control. She used warm compresses and massage and Chris got to help guide Myer out. After a primal scream or two, all EIGHT POUNDS of Myer came roaring into the world. His head was 14.25 inches... and I didn't tear even one little bit.

That's the sign of an amazing midwife. (I tore with Ezra and he was only 6 lbs!)

I remember verbally praising God as they laid him on my belly. I felt nothing but joy and relief and nearly unbearable pride. It was 10:32AM. Less than two hours after we'd arrived at the hospital.



I was SO glad to be done, and I was INSTANTLY in love.

I'm still wading through the effects that such an amazing and empowering labor have had on me personally... as a woman, as a mother... but I know this much for certain: I am forever changed by his birth. I feel somehow... unshackled. Strong. Focused. Surefooted. When I think of his birth, I am completely blown away by God's goodness to me and my growing family.

He's an amazing, amazing boy.