This morning I grabbed my new favorite coffee mug, the one that is as big as my face, and filled it up to the brim. It's the biggest cup we have, and my sweet husband must know how desperately I need the extra ounces these days, because he hand washes it every night before bed and leaves it out on the counter for me so that I can just stumble into the kitchen and POUR.
What a man.
The thing that seems to be pulling the life from my bones these days is not the wee babe. It is not the extremely in-your-face six year old. It is the little dude in the middle.
The other day, he had a two hour screaming fit simply because I told him he could have his cupcake AFTER lunch, and not before.
He screamed and screamed and screamed, and then suddenly, on my 150th time of going back to his room to explain that he was welcome to come out and eat his lunch as soon as he stopped throwing a fit, he looked at me and said "Okay, mama!" and hopped off the chair. He came out to the table, ate his WHOLE lunch, and the got his cupcake with a heaping side of affirmation.
And he seems to really get it about the treats now. But he's still fighting me on every thing else. This morning for example, we are smack dab in the middle of an epic battle of the wills again.
He was whipping the furniture with a metal chain... you know how they do... and I told him firmly to "stop" three or four times. He didn't stop, so I scooped him up and stuck him in timeout. I went back a couple of minutes later and told him that he needs to stop when I say stop, and I asked him to respond with "Yes mama" like he's supposed to, but instead I got a furrowed brow and a glare.
For over an hour we did this. Me asking him to say "Yes mama" when I told him to listen and obey, and he just glaring at me like an angry caveman.
Finally I told him that if he didn't respond properly, he was going to have to go straight to bed for his nap.
Guess where he is right now?
Yep. Bed.
He is the MOST stubborn child I have ever seen!!!
I am encouraged today, however, because I seem to be able to feel the weight of what I am doing with Myer. I am training and correcting him in the way he should go, and there is no greater gift that I can give the boy in life than that. During all the crying and stubbornness this morning, I seem to be able to hear God whispering to my heart that "This is good, this is good, this is good!"
Correcting my child in love and with firmness will be health to his bones all the days of his life. And all of these little struggles and battles that no one sees have the power to shape the man that Myer will become, which in turn could shape the lives of countless other people as he grows and the decades march on.
When I am able to remember that fact, I feel so VERY important! So USEFUL in the Kingdom of God! So HONORED to have been chosen for such a high calling! (Three times over, none the less!)
Why is it so dang hard to remember this? When I forget it, which is almost always the case, I begin to feel so useless, so unseen, so... trapped. My kids suffer, I suffer, my husband suffers. Negativity and bitterness reign in my house. May I never forget the truth of the worth of my job again!!
The interesting thing about all of this is that last week, at the women's study that I go to, we were talking about learning to submit our stubborn wills to the will of God so that we can have abundant life.
Helloooo prime example! When I was looking into Myer's caveman face earlier, I couldn't help but giggle a little. It was like I could suddenly see myself in his place. I have been setting my face towards God in the same way! I have been refusing to respond to His loving correction with equal amounts of stubbornness! I have been choosing to remain in the chair when I could be off truly living!
Thankfully, all I have to do is repent of my stubbornness and hardness towards God (since the ability to repent is the greatest GIFT God has given us on this Earth) and I am RIGHT back in the game. Over and done. It's as simple as that!
Now, if only my two year old would get the "repentance" memo...there are games to be played and books to be read and pages to be colored! We'll see how the flip side of this nap goes. I'm sensing a glorious VICTORY! Because he is so very worth the fight!
:)
