Extremes.

He thinks I can't see him. You know, because his eyes are closed.
Oh, the sweetness!

My husband is out of town in sunny (haha) Minnesota attending the Desiring God conference, and I am SO excited that he gets to be there. The weather is throwing a damper on things however, as we are currently staring down the barrel of a blizzard gun here in Oklahoma, which means my hubby may not be able to get home on Wednesday as planned.

Ruh-roh.

Here's what the weathermen are saying: Starting at 10PM tonight, snow and ice. Up to 12" when all is said and done. On top of that, there are going to be 30 MPH winds. Which equals TOTAL WHITEOUT. They are warning people not to leave their homes because they could become disoriented and lost even in their own neighborhoods. Zero visibility! On top of THAT there is a windchill of negative fifteen degrees.

This is all very winter-y and crazy, but I am not completely shocked because it is currently, you know, WINTER and whatnot... it's just that... it's just that... it was SEVENTY FIVE degrees here only seventy two hours ago! We were outside most of that day playing in the sun and I was sweating!

Bizzaro, I tell ya. Hopefully our power will stay on tomorrow. And hopefully my hubby can get home as planned. This single storm is affecting 20 states! That sounds like a recipe for an airport disaster to me.

To prepare, I will be making a big pile of games and blankets in the living room tonight, with lots of flashlights and snacks handy just in case. I really do love hunkering down on crazy snow days... but it would be much more fun if Chris were here to hunker down with us too. And also if I had a big bottle of wine.

And the ability to drink it.

haha.

Apples & Owls.

the beginnings of our gender neutral nursery....
Thanks to all of your input, the armoire was purchased and brought home! I am SO excited that we got it... it's the most amazing piece of furniture ever!! Chris already sanded parts of it down and re-finished it and built a new magnetic latch for the door. We're going to put some shelves in the tall side eventually- and all of baby's clothes and blankets and burp cloths will have a place to live now! Yipee!!

I don't know if I've mentioned it, but the nesting instinct has hit me like a freight train already. It seems so early! Maybe it's the fact that we already have pretty much everything we need at our disposal, so it has been much less daunting. It's more like 'rearranging' this time than revamping an entire room.

SO nice.

All of the owl stuff is still up and around from when this room was Myer's nursery, but I will probably change some of it out once we get closer to having the baby, or maybe after the baby is born. I'm thinking that if it's a girl, it would be fun to incorporate a sweet apple motif into the room. (Although, I guess that could possibly work for a boy too?) I think an apple themed nursery has some serious CUTE potential. Besides, I've been craving apples during this entire pregnancy, AND I have very fond memories of this toy from when I was little:


The Fisher Price 1972 Happy Apple chime toy! Do any of you remember this from growing up? Or am I dating myself? Actually, it was my oldest brother Jared's toy. I wasn't even BORN until nineteen-eighty-mumble...

Anywho, as I was getting the crib all situated today, it really hit me. We're having another baby! The moment that brought this reality home to me was when I was moving the crib mattress from the lowest setting back up to the highest setting again. I don't know why, but it's like it all suddenly sunk in, and I felt so happy!

And then, today at church, there was a moment during worship when I sat down (due to GIRTH issues, you understand) and I rested my hand on my belly and instantly heard a voice in my mind saying, "I am so excited about this child!" And I just knew that it was God speaking to me about this baby and I felt completely overwhelmed with His love. It was one of the sweetest 'God moments' of my life, and all it took was a single sentence! God has this amazing way of knowing exactly what we need to hear, doesn't He?

I'll never forget it.

Payment Upon Death.

So, I wandered by this at the thrift store near my house today, and I am thinking that the baby's room might NEED it. We don't really have a dresser for the nursery at this point in time, although we could probably make do with the closet space we have or use an older bookshelf that we have with canvas totes for drawers, but REALLY.

I'm having a hard time passing this up. It's YELLOW! And dark brown! And AMAZING! And cheap! And gender neutral! And vintage! And after the baby has used it for a while, Chris and I could steal it and use it in our room! (Because it's too pretty to be used by a reckless, marker-wielding toddler, of course!) And... and... when I die you can bury me in it! Thus saving us money in the (very very) long run! See how I did that there? Buying this armoire is really like buying a big fat COUPON!

This is me verbally processing justifying all over you guys... One of the many benefits of being a reader of my blog. hahaha.

The Return of the Ring.

My husband took my wedding ring in to get fixed before Christmas and he just went and picked it back up a couple of days ago. It has been exactly one year since the stone fell out into my hand and I had to slide this ring off of my finger until we could get it worked on. Now, it is cleaner and more sparkly than I have EVER seen it before... it looks brand new even though it has been around since the 1920's!

I could not love this ring more if I tried. And to think, I lost it down a nasty sink drain at the restaurant I was working at in California not even A WEEK after I had been married! hahaha.

Oh, me.

I'm so grateful that it was rescued back then, and that I didn't lose the stone when it fell out this time around. What a miracle!! I want to keep this ring (and the promises wrapped up inside of it) forever and ever and ever.

Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, honey! I feel whole again!

:)

Mellow Yellow.

I got a new duvet cover with some of my Christmas money! Hooray! I ordered it from Target's website a couple of weeks ago and have been anxiously awaiting its arrival ever since. :)

I have been on a huge yellow kick lately, and this is the prettiest perfect shade of just-right-yellow that I love so much.

Here are some other little bits of yellow in my house that I adore:



I especially love this shade of yellow paired with dark brown or gray. Maybe I should get my painting contractor of a hubby to paint the nursery walls this yummy shade of yellow for me?

Hmmmmm...

****

Today I had all these plans to go grocery shopping and run some other errands, but instead I woke up feeling like I got run over by a semi truck while I was sleeping. I am so tired and my body hurts everywhere! I don't think I'm getting sick, I think I am just starting to approach the UNCOMFORTABLE part of this pregnancy- where my bones and muscles are like, "Huh?!" and "Say whaa?!" and "Oh no you di'nt!"

I think I'll have to alter my agenda. All I feel up for now is crawling back into my (cute) bed and sleeping the afternoon away!

(Toddler-willing, of course.)

;)

Death by Strawberry Hat.

I was wandering around in Babies R Us again the other day... not because I particularly needed anything or had anything on the agenda, but just because, I don't know... it's where pregnant people are supposed to go?

Like, when you are injured, you go to the hospital.

And when you are pregnant, you go to Babies R Us.

(It's a primal instinct. Like holding your breath under water.)

Every time I've gone there recently, I don't end up buying anything, I mostly just wander around in the double wide isles and marvel at human society and the fact that there is a warehouse-sized store like this in every city in America that has somehow convinced all of us parents-to-be that we NEED this crap when in reality, we just need a few blankets, some tiny clothes & diapers, and, I suppose, a car seat so you can go places without getting arrested. The rest of that stuff is all FLUFF.

(Fluff that sells itself mostly by preying on our fears.)

(But perhaps that is another rant for another time?)

Anywho, with every pregnancy there has been ONE baby item that I have obsessed over for some reason. I latch onto this one item and research it until I am an expert on all forms and variations of it, and I know who carries it and who doesn't and who sells it for $1.00 cheaper and why option A is better than option B or C.

With Ezra, it was the crib bedding. (We went with airplanes.)
With Myer, it was the ring sling. (I fell in love with the Maya Wrap.)
With this baby, it has recently been the baby's coming home outfit.

Do I buy something practical and neutral so a boy OR a girl could wear it? Or do I go crazy and buy a tiny little boy outfit AND a tiny little girl outfit and bring them both to the hospital?

A normal person would just buy one of each and then forget about it. But not me, no siree! I am concerned about the psychological effects that buying a little girl outfit might have upon me if I don't end up getting to USE it.

A normal person would say "Just give away the outfit that you don't end up using!" But not me, no siree! I fret about the mental implications and distress that could occur if I have another boy and then give away the girly outfit and then see a friend's little girl wearing it, causing me to mourn a little on the inside for the girl I didn't have and then feel guilty about said mourning when I should be rejoicing over a friend's new baby girl!

Someone needs to just come slap me. I am wearing a hole in my brain.

All of this is just to say, as I was wandering around in Babies R Us the other day, I came upon this little number:



The strawberry cuteness juuuust about did me in. No, really! I think I almost died. I'm pretty sure that my pulse slowed way down and I saw a bright light.

I didn't buy it, of course, because I had to come home and obsessively obsess about the purchase before I could ever allow myself to bring something pink home with me.

But now I'm thinking that I should just go back and get it. Or at least allow myself to buy SOMETHING girly, just in case? It's like, just live a little, Emery!

Right?

Plus, you never know... maybe allowing myself to buy something pink would flush some of this crazy out of my system!

*cough*notlikely*cough*cough*

The Possibility of Last Pregnancies.

It seems that every pregnancy has been a bit more uncomfortable than the one before it, and this time around the pain has manifested itself mostly in my tailbone (read: BUTT) and my lower back. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE being pregnant, but each time has been harder on my body than the time before.

It's a little bit like 'how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie roll pop'? And my answer is... three? Maybe? Third time's a charm? I remember when I was pregnant with Myer, I KNEW that it wasn't my last pregnancy. It just didn't feel like the last time. At all. But this time around, the thought of this being the last is much more... comfortable.

The thought of, "Awww, this may be the last time I feel a little alien kicking around on the inside of me!" makes me feel a little bit more on the EXCITED side than the depressed side this go around. haha.

All that being said, I still feel a leeeeetle bit sad that this pregnancy is already flying by so quickly. I absolutely love being pregnant. I love the sweet connection you can have with other mothers who you don't even know... the knowing glance and smile from a woman in the grocery store. And I absolutely LOVE it when people touch/rub my belly. I don't even have to know you, there is just something magnetic about a big round baby bump, I think, and I love it when people feel comfortable enough to just reach out and connect with the life growing inside of me.

I have never understood why so many women FREAK OUT about the fact that someone touched their belly. I'm not even a very touchy-feely person, but I just love the way that pregnancy can break down all the "social status-quos" and allow people to be excited and celebrate for a moment together even though they may not know each other very well. Or at all! New life has this glorious way of drawing us together, and that is one of my absolute favorite things about being pregnant.

This is also why I was hoping that, just ONCE, I would be able to be pregnant in a season that wasn't the dead of winter. But it never worked out that way, and, I think, about 80% of the time, when I'm out and about or wherever, people STILL don't even know that I am pregnant... because I have to completely smother myself in a gigantic coat to combat the freezing air. I've even had people I KNOW at church (like, last week) look at me and say "I didn't even know you were expecting!"

I blame the monster coat.

I would have loved to experience pregnancy in the Spring or even Summer- when skirts and dresses and flip-flops are (comfy) options for a growing belly. (Remember my 'I'm pregnant and HATE PANTS' post? STILL VERY MUCH APPLIES.)

Anywho, I guess I am just feeling like this might be it, which makes part of me do the happy dance (my tailbone [read: butt] and lower back parts mostly) while the other parts of me just want to sit and stare out a window and contemplate what that means as this season of my life comes to a close. Hahaha... what a mental picture I've just painted for you. Me, sitting in a chair, happy dancing AND being deeply contemplative. That's looney bin behavior!

Of course, I have no idea what God has in store for my family and all of this 'feeling like this is the last pregnancy' could change in the future, if He so chooses to change it, but for now, this is where I'm at:

Happy and a wee bit sad, still wishing that I didn't have to wear pants.

:)

31 Weeks.

I'm just shy of 31 weeks, which means that there are only about 9 weeks left until this baby makes its appearance.

Both the boys came early, though, so it may be even less than that!

Either way, SINGLE DIGITS, people! I should probably start thinking about getting things ready, eh? Aaaand I should probably move into a hotel that is right next to the hospital since my last labor was only about 2.5 hours from the first consistent contractions to the time Myer was born.

Yikes.

We pretty much have everything we need for this baby, except for a couple of random things that I sold after Myer was born. (Brilliant, Emery!) The tricky part is going to be if this baby is a GIRL. I will have nothing to dress her in! She will have to wear hand-me-down white onesies until she is sixteen, at least. haha.

This time around, instead of having a traditional baby shower/registry again, I think I am going to do a 'Sip & See'. Have you heard of this idea? My friend Aimee told me about it. A 'Sip & See' is something you do after the baby is born... you invite your friends to swing by (open house style) and see/hold the baby and you have refreshments and light snacks out for everyone to nibble on. It's very low key, and that way, if people want to get the baby something, they will know whether to buy it in PINK or BLUE! :)

I think it will be lovely.

Speaking of pink or blue, the strangest thing has been happening lately. I thought it would get easier, the not knowing the gender, as the pregnancy went on, but the reverse seems to be true... The suspense is killing me much more now than it was at the 20 week ultrasound (when we could have found out)!!

I'm sure it's just all the building anticipation and the fact that it is so close (yet so far away) feeling. I'm just so excited for that moment... that second in time when I will know if I am the mother to three boys or to two boys and a girl! It's going to be the best surprise EVER!!!!

Lastly, I have been having gnarly allergies all of the sudden even though it is THE DEAD OF WINTER and I just want to say again that sneezing and pregnancy are NOT compatible in any way, shape, or form. (If you're not sure what I am talking about right now, thank the good Lord above and do your kegels. Amen.)

Myer's Pajama Pancake Party!

We had Myer's birthday party at 9:30AM this morning and it was awesome!

I wanted to keep it really laid back and simple, seeing as how he's TWO and all. Why stress myself out too much about something he won't even remember, right?

RIGHT.

I made up some invites in Photoshop and emailed them to my neighbors and my in-laws:



The only things on the agenda were:
-Stay in PJs.
-Cook pancakes & bacon for everyone.
-Open gifts
-Hang out

And, you guys, it was such a BLAST! The kids played, we chatted, and Myer got to feel special and celebrated!

I highly recommend doing early Saturday morning birthday parties. The kids were well-rested and didn't even have to change out of their Pjs... the adults sipped on coffee and ate yummy breakfast... and it was all wrapped up by 11:30, so it didn't take up everyone's whole Saturday!

Wonderful wonderment, I tell ya. Here's a few photos from the shebang:

chris cooked up the yummiest breakfast... while looking quite yummy himself. heh.

myer deeply contemplated the elusiveness of time as he monched his pancake.

then he stared out the window and mentally paid tribute to the days gone by.

then he looked at us all like he was worried for our sanity as we sang him 'happy birthday'.

the syrup flowed like wine.

ezra pretended to be a unicorn and then speared me in the temple. ow.

justin won the award for best pajama presentation.

myer finally figured out that opening presents is FUN rather than a form of torture! (Christmas was interesting.)

myer got a baby sized electric blue piano from MoMar & DooDad!
(Soon you'll all be saying, "Mozart who??")

What fun! Happy Birthday again to my little moose!

Swimming Beauty.

Let's all pretend that it isn't freezing degrees outside right now and take a gander at the swimsuits from Anthropologie, shall we? (I'll take one of each, please.)







I can't believe I am about to say this, but all these darling swimsuits make me actually kindof maybe wish it was warm outside and I lived by the stinky, seaweed filled ocean again. If I looked this cute, I might actually forget all about the sand mites that were biting at my ankles and legs as I reclined on a towel in the sun and baked my skin into a tough, dark hide!

It might all be worth it then!

hahahaha.

Getting My Two Year Old to Stay in Bed at Night.

The suspect, after his latest asthma flare-up. Poor little bean!

Myer has been coming into our room at all hours of the night demanding to sleep in our bed- like a wretchy troll who has us wrapped around his finger and whatnot- so I decided it was time to put the foot down. I'm all for early AM snuggles every now and again, but if I wanted to share my bed with a thrashing loud-breather all night long every single night, I would have just bought a dog, you know?

Sooo. One night last week I'd had enough. I put the foot down. That night, I had to keep putting him back in his bed one million times between the hours of 2:00 and 5:00AM. Oh! And during that whole process Myer decided to spice things up by screaming "Mamma! Mamma! Mamma! Mamma! Mamma!" over and over and over and over again for three straight hours until I thought that maybe I was just trapped in a really bad nightmare instead of being awake and perched outside his door in the bleary, cotton-mouthed hours of the morning.

He fell asleep at 5:00AM and then woke up, ready for the day at 6! What a sweetie pie.

Anywho, there were really only two nights of that, but now he is sleeping much better in his own bed since I made it pretty clear that if he wanders into our room in the middle of the night saying "Mamma? Mamma?" he will not find his sweet mom there in that bed, but a glowering banshee instead! With crazy hair and angry eyes!

But this little toot, he is a clever one, so what he has been doing the last couple of nights is army crawling... no, really, ARMY CRAWLING on his elbows (so that I don't see his head over the line of the bed) into our bedroom and curling up beside Chris' side of the bed- right on top of the pile of dirty painting contractor clothes that he throws there before falling into bed, exhausted, each night. (We're working on this latest development now... I'm thinking I'll just replace the pile of clothes with a pile of... oh, I don't know... gardening tools? Try to sleep on THAT, Myer! mwa ha ha!)

I probably wouldn't even notice this latest sneaky ninja-style covert 'Infiltrate Mommy's Room' Op except for the previously mentioned loud-breathing and thrashing that accompanies his sleep at all times. And also, his 'jingle blocks'- which are his comfort objects that have little jingle bells in them- causing me to be able to hear exactly where he is and what he is doing at all times in the wee hours of the morning. (A blessing and a curse.)

Here's a before and after of the jingle block situation, by the way:

Before: So crisp and clean and complete!

Now: So... lumpy!

This is what happens to cute stuffed blocks after they have been carried and dropped and slimed on and fondled all night long for two whole years. Only one of the jingle bells still work. (We had three blocks still until a couple of weeks ago, when the 'E' went mysteriously missing into the depths of the one of the church's nursery rooms.)

(I was slightly relieved when that happened, though, because now we only have TWO blocks, which coincide nicely with the fact that he has TWO hands and now it's not so much like a juggling act every time he wants to transport the things anywhere.)

(Also, I contemplated replacing the missing jingle bell in the other block, but then I realized that it would only make things LOUDER in the middle of the night, duh, and so I decided against it.)

(THAT was a close one.)

I guess that all of this parenthetical rambling is just my way of saying that I am SO glad things are improving in the night time arena, since we have a squirmy newborn on the way who will sleep for no longer than 2 hour stretches at a time every night and will... shall I say... only complicate this mess a wee bit further?

I am always amazed, when it comes to stuff like this, how kids actually DO respond to consistency and firmness, and I always wonder why I didn't just do it sooner. It's hard to put the foot down sometimes, but when you know it is for the health and benefit of your kids and your MARRIAGE and your sleep and your sanity, it's the only way to go! I think sometimes I just forget that, hey! I WEAR THE PANTS AROUND HERE and YOU LITTLE PEOPLE AREN'T THE BOSSES OF ME! (So neener-neener!)

It's good to remember that every now and again. I am here to shape them and train them in healthy ways, not make their lives peachy-keen and rainbow fluffy 24-7. We'll all be much happier in the long run if I can just hold my ground on some things- even if it's so much easier to give in in the moment.

(End note: Is parenthetical even a word? It sounds like some magic spell or made-up animal from Harry Potter. Or something.)

Seven Hundred and Thirty Days.

Once upon a time, there was a mamma. A mamma whose heart was a little bit broken and whose life felt a little too snug.

She stretched and fought against the role of motherhood that sometimes felt like it was ruthlessly stomping out the rest of her.

her, then.

After a long struggle, God rescued her from feeling like she was never enough... from feeling like raising her child wasn't a high enough calling in and of itself. He came and showed her that this season was handcrafted for her growth and well-being, and the growth and well-being of her family, and that it was MORE than enough.

That it was, in fact, the most IMPORTANT thing in the world.

That revelation was infinity times stronger than any anti-depressant that could be prescribed for her.

And this mamma, after being rescued from that unrelenting despair, felt her heart expand so much that it suddenly felt... quite roomy. Life no longer felt too snug or tight, it now felt broad and wide and sweeping! She found deep in her gut a strange new longing- a longing for new life.

Seven hundred and thirty days ago, that life arrived, and we named him Myer Elliot- "A Bringer of Light to the Lord our God".

him, then.

And for seven hundred and thirty days, that is exactly what Myer Elliot has been for me. He has lit up the face of God for me- so that I can see Him more clearly than I ever have before. He is a daily reminder and remembrance of what God has done in my heart... running up and down the halls squealing with delight, a banner proclaiming my rescue and freedom from despair.

What joy & laughter he has brought to our house! To his brother, to his father, to our parents and families! He is a huge blessing in our lives, and I know he is destined for amazing things.

him, now!

So... to my sweet, lighthearted boy of TWO:

Happy happy happy Birthday!
You make life bright!

This Post Went Downhill Quickly... Right Into a Brick Wall.

It's baffling to think that when we moved to Oklahoma, Ezra was only 6 months old. He couldn't crawl. He couldn't roll over. He was a blob. Now, in just four weeks, he will be six YEARS old. And Myer turns two in 9 days. And this third baby will be here in only ten-ish weeks.




Random Questions:

Where is the time going?

Where are all these babies coming from? (Wait, don't answer that one.)

Can you tell that I trimmed my hair? It was becoming quite poofy.

How is it possible that I have a six year old child? That makes me feel old.

You know what else makes me feel old? My new iPhone case. See it there in the picture? My aforementioned six year old son has NO IDEA what it is. And THAT makes me feel... timeworn. Ancient. Decrepit.

I remember when cassette tapes were as good as it got. Technology at its finest! Look how those things spin and the music plays like magic!

Now, cassette tapes are being replicated into silicone in order to protect crazy mini computer/camera/phone/GPS/Internet/Music/Gaming gadget thingy-ma-bobs.

And also? I swam upstream both ways to school everyday when I was your age.

In the snow.

Blank.

Unrelated tidbit: Third Trimester, you all! Woot woot!!

I've been feeling quite shy towards the 'Blogger' tab up there on my little menu bar for quite some time now... feeling as blank as this 'New Post' box, in fact, so of course I have not felt any urge to fill it with dribble or force out content on you all in the name of "just because". (sidenote: Yuck. Forced and obligated "content" is like nails on a chalkboard to me. *shiver gag*) I can't tell if this quietness is a result of some sort of preparation for what's ahead, or if it is something quite different: a stagnancy that is inevitable when the fresh water source is cut off.

(I'm leaning towards the latter theory, truth be told.)

God help me, I have been feeling so SO very blah towards Him lately. A loooong lately. An 'Ever Since I Found Out I Was Pregnant Again' lately.

What's that all about?? I don't know. These fogs sometimes come but always they go... yet this one I just can't seem to shake. Or perhaps I should say I just can't even muster up the desire to TRY and shake this one. I am not sad. I am not depressed. I am really happy and rightfully so- my family is amazing and life is great! It's just God that is suddenly... gone-feeling. And to say that is unsettling would be a huge understatement.

It's like I've been having to REMIND myself that there's even a void there, whereas in the past, when I was distancing myself from God, I felt it every inch of the way.

I stopped reading my Bible, even though I had a massive support system behind me in the journey. My prayers have been more like random sputters from an engine that knows it's done 'fer. And my thoughts towards Him have been few. Far between. And, perhaps worst of all, small.

All I can think to say is, God help me. Sputter. Sputter. God help me. Sputter. Cough. God help me.

Sometimes three word prayers are the best ones though, no? I hope so. It really is about all I've got right now.

I don't have any sort of epiphany to stick on the end of this post like a big red bow, I just have the faith that God honors honesty and realness more than falsehood or secrecy. I'm sure some of you have been feeling this way lately too, or have felt this way in the not-so-distant past, and I believe that talking about it is at least a step in the right direction, because, hey! We're all in this together... to help and be helped.

I feel a bit lighter already just by getting these words out... like somewhere way down deep the water might be starting to stir and move again. God help me.