Dear Internets, Am I Crazy?

If you had the chance to get the perfect part time job, but you were SEVEN MONTHS pregnant, would you even attempt to go for it?

I am unsure what working 20 hours a week would look like with a newborn.

Anyone have experience with this or advice for a confused mamma like me?

17 Weeks Pregnant.

I had my second prenatal appointment a couple of days ago and it went really, really well. We met a new midwife (Leeanna) and she was absolutely everything I believe a midwife should be. Friendly, personable, laid back, and open to any and all questions I could come up with. She also had wispy hair and a wispy skirt to boot. And I love her.

We got to hear the glorious heartbeat of this amazing new human (SWOOSH SWOOSH SWOOSH) and Leeanna beamed just as much as I did as the sound of life filled the room. She said she/he sounded perfect. Everything is going really well at this point in the pregnancy- I am finally feeling good most of the time and I am enjoying the wonderful experience of feeling this baby poke and swim around inside of me like a little goldfish in a bowl. Tink tink! So crazy!



I have an ultrasound scheduled for September 10th. That's only 3.5 weeks until we can find out what we're having! I am so excited I could squee. Or, perhaps more appropriatley, PEE. With this second pregnancy my bladder has proven to be a bit... um... weak. Please tell me I'm not alone in this. Let's just say that sneezing now has new, unexpected tribulations to accompany it. AHEM.




Here's a fun tip for those of you who are preggo or who will become preggo in the future and are planning to find out the sex of the baby: (My friend told me about this idea, and we did it with Ezra, and it was AWESOME! So, DO IT!) (Ummm... If you want to.)

I made a cute little blank card and stuck it in an envelope and we brought it with us to the appointment. Before the technician started the ultrasound, we told her that we wanted to know the sex of the baby, but that we didn't want her to tell us out loud. I handed her the blank card and asked her to write it down for me and then put the card back in the envelope.

She did the ultrasound, never saying one way or another what we were having, and afterwards, we grabbed the envelope with the big news inside and we slipped off to a romantic lunch spot overlooking the ocean. Chris and I were GIDDY and completely nervous as we stared at the envelope resting on the table in front of us. Should we open it now? Before lunch? After lunch? Over dessert??

In the end, we couldn't even wait long enough to get our drink orders.

We tore the envelope open and started crying right there in the resaurant. It was a boy. It was Ezra. And it was one of the sweetest memories I have with my husband.

That card is now in Ezra's scrapbook. (The scrapbook that never really got finished. Or, even, STARTED for that matter. Oy vey.)

So, try it sometime! We're planning on doing the same thing with this pregnancy. The only thing missing this time around will be the ocean.

So... other than that, not much is new. I am going to apply at a Starbucks near my house that is looking for temporary help. (They are one of the stores that will be closing in the next few months.) They desperately need some help in the meantime. It could be perfect!

We have some friends living with us for a few weeks and it has been awesome. They have a little girl who is almost two, and Ezra just adores her.




Life is lovely.

On Hoping for A Girl.

I have found it surprisingly difficult to say "I'm really hoping for a girl" out loud.

There appears to be an unwritten code out there telling expectant parents that hoping for one sex or another for their baby is taboo. Tacky. Bad karma.

But- shoot darn it all to heck dang! I want a girl! I do, I do! A mini me.

Does this mean I may feel a bit disappointed if we find we're having another boy? Heck yes, it might! And that's okay! Hoping for one sex or another is natural, and I believe every parent feels it to some degree or another. But bottling up these feelings of hoping for a girl won't help me out one iota in the long run. I'd rather be open and honest about these hopes now so that I can be open and honest about feeling a bit disappointed later on. I think that's a healthy place to be.

Does this mean I will not love a little boy as much as I would love a little girl? Abso-frickin-lutely not. Just give me some baby cheeks to munch on and all will be well with the world. Boy cheeks? Girl cheeks? They all have the same munch-a-bility to meeee!

monch. monch.

I would not be alive today if my mother had not desperately wanted a baby girl.

She had two boys. They'd planned to stop at two children. Yet, they decided to try one last time for the girl my mother had dreamed of having.

When I was born, my dad cried, "It's a BOY!"

My mom's heart sank a little.

Then the doctor said, "Umm, no... it's a GIRL!"

My mom's heart soared a lot.

So, I've decided to cut out the apologetic, 'oh-but-if-its-a-boy-we'll-be-just-as-thrilled' bit, and get straight to the honesty.

OF COURSE we'd love to have another boy.

OF COURSE the more important thing is the baby's health. (BTW- why do people always pull this card when someone says they are hoping for a boy or hoping for a girl? Does my saying 'I want a girl' imply that I am not as concerned as I should be with the baby's overall health? Gar!)

And OF COURSE I trust that God knows what's best for me and my family and has the exact, perfect human being (designed specifically for us!) headed our way.

These things are obvious- too obvious to require endless restating.

So, from now on, I'm saying it confidently.

I am dreaming for a girl.


********************************************************

How about you? Have any of you felt it was difficult to express your desire for a girl or boy? Or do any of you feel it's tacky when an expecting parent blatantly says they are hoping for a specific sex? Why/why not?

Every Single Time.

Baby appointment was postponed. Due to INSURANCE issues. (HATE.) I will be seeing the midwives at OU on July 17th now- which was their soonest appointment available. That's ONE WHOLE MONTH later than my previously scheduled baby appointment. I will be pushing my second trimester by that point. I am so bummed about all of this, but I understand... I'd rather get all the insurance stuff squared away than have to pay $800 out of pocket for lab fees, you know?

I'm still trying to decide if I want to do a home birth with midwives, or if I want to use midwives at the birthing center at OU Medical. The most important thing to me is that I have a natural birth. Where that actually takes place is less of a priority in my mind. Now that we've been approved for the state's insurance coverage, cost isn't an issue. So... I guess I'd better just make up my mind already. Or something.

I've been feeling oodles better this week, and have not had any nausea worth mentioning in the last four days or so. I'm still craving sub sandwiches like a mo fo. And napping is my new best friend. I'm 9 weeks along already... time seems to be flying by with this pregnancy!



This past week was really full, but really good at the same time. Chris' mom, dad, and sister pulled into town on Friday with the big U-Haul truck full of Chris' parent's stuff. We unloaded it all on Saturday AM. They are officially moved in! Woo woo! Chris' sister stayed with us through Sunday and then flew back to Reno. [Sad faces.] We already miss her.

Saturday afternoon, Chris and I (and another couple) watched all the kids in our co-op from 4-7 at our house so the other parents could have a date night. There were like, 10 kids in my little house- but they all did great! Right at 7, I left and drove to a coffee shop down the road and played a show with my friend Shannon. The show was really awesome- probably my favorite show since I can remember. I even played a new song. gasp!

Things should be settling down a bit now until July 1st, which is when Ezra and I hop on a plane and visit Reno for 10 days to see family. It should be a nice little break of routine- a great chance to soak up some MoMar and Doodad time.

Ezra started swimming lessons at the YMCA last week, and he's doing so good. I'm so proud of how brave he's becoming! He's a champ. (Until his face gets wet.)

Last night, Chris and I loaded Ezra up in the car and decided to go try out Chris' father's day gift at the lake right by our house. Chris got a new fishing pole for Father's Day, and it was calling for a test drive.

It was an amazing time. No fish were caught (much to my unspoken relief) , and I got to lounge in the back of the new car- reading my book and munching on fresh cantaloupe. I could get used to this 'fishing' idea!


Can you find Ezra in this picture?








So, all in all, life is going along smoothly. I work hard everyday to care for my son and try to remember to 'sing behind the plow' as I go... to remember to find joy in the simple things in front of me rather than waste my life in expecting it around every corner.

And, every single time, I find the joy all around me when I put down my binoculars and just allow my eyes to focus on the things in my own hands.

Every single time.

Pregnancy Week 8.

The last few days have been a blur of nausea and napping. (Two things I generally hate, but will submit to and trudge through for the sake of the baby blip.)

blip!

I am so bummed that I did not escape from the doom of morning sickness this time around. I have yet to actually throw up... it's more of an unending sense of nausea that never goes away. Wee!

Don't wanna eat. Then suddenly famished. Then- stuff face. Then tummy feels like what's left behind after the tide goes out. And on and on.

What I've found, however, is that if I keep myself busy, I don't notice the nausea as much. But this is hard when all I want (have energy) to do is lay in my bed and drift in and out of sleep all day long.

I'm TIRED. Today I napped until FIVE THIRTY PM. ZZZzzzz. Happy Father's Day, honey! ZZZZzzz.

When I was pregnant with Ezra, I was waitressing at a busy Italian Restaurant in California. I was on my feet and my mind was occupied most of the day. Also? I ate a lot of bread. Maybe all of this helped. I don't know. All I know is that I don't remember being this zapped and oogie last time.

zapped and oogie!

I have my doctor's appointment on Thursday AM. I am excited.

In other news- My feet are shrinking.



If you haven't noticed, I am determined to document this pregnancy with alacrity. This is because I have no pictures of me when I was pregnant with Ezra except for a couple that I printed out and stuck into a scrapbook (which I never finished) and which promptly got smudged and smeared when I slipped them behind the "PROTECTIVE" plastic page coverings.

Note to self: ink starts out WET.

The rest of the pictures disappeared from hard drives along the way.

I pulled out my tiny box of maternity clothes from the attic the other day and... kinda blech. I'm going to need to creatively and frugally rebuild. (Posthaste!)

Lastly- your recommendations of milk and bananas to cure my leg cramps has worked marvelously!

You guys should all be doctors. You're THAT smart.

Pregnancy: Week 6!

I'm sorry for my lack of posting lately... my schedule has done a 180 since Summer reared it's ugly head, and I'm feeling totally disoriented and unsure of how to... live? Survive? Pull through?

I had a nice routine going this past Fall. Ezra was in school two days a week, plus we had a playgroup day, and we usually always had one other day filled with fun activities with friends as well. Since Summer started and Ezra's school ended, I feel like I have no idea what I'm doing again. I'm back to AMATEUR status. I'm with the boy allllll day everyday, which results in meltdowns and tantrums and boredom... and me feeling like a lousy mom.

I've never been good at keeping Ezra busy with planned activities. We end up bouncing off the walls all day because it's too hot to go outside. By 3:00, I'M DONE, and Summer has only just begun. I feel... worried. How am I going to pull through this season unscathed? I hate the heat, and now I have to be in 'entertain' mode all day. Add preggo hormones to that and you've got a ticking mom-bomb. Ezra simply refuses to play alone or do anything on his own all day. He follows me from room to room, asking "why dat like dat?" and the staple "what happened to me?". (This is what he asks me whenever ANYTHING happens. It's like he wants to know how everything in the world relates and affects him directly. So, like, even if a fly happens to land in the room he's sitting in, he will say, "What happened to meeeee?")

Lord, have mercy.



I'm now over 6 weeks in to this pregnancy, and I still feel extra large and in charge. I gaze down at my belly (which is now protruding farther than my BOOBS) (This either says something about my belly or my boobs, I'm not sure which at this point) and I remember how frustrated I was with my last pregnancy because it took SOOOO long for me to 'show'. I don't know what this is or what's going on here, but my belly feels like it did at 4 months (at least!) last time.

I feel GREAT- pretty much totally normal with an extra helping of hunger- and the only other thing that I've noticed is the LEG THING again. It happened when I was pregnant with Ezra, too... every time I climb into bed and am about to fall asleep, my legs start aching and knotting and twisting and I have to jump back out of bed to stretch them and move them around. Sometimes they cramp up really badly. Last night I sat by the bed and stretched for 30 minutes before they finally calmed back down. This is... annoying. But nothing major. I'd take wiggly legs over puking my guts out ANY DAY.

My first doc's appt. is June 19th. Does that feel like YEARS from now to anyone else besides me?

Chris keeps joking with me about how there might be more than one baby in there. If there is, we're going to have to take our new car back to the store and try again-- something with third row seating and room for infinity billion car seats.

Oh yeah! We bought a new car! It's a Honda Element and it's ORANGE. (pics coming tomorrow.) And you know what I've noticed? Elements are the kind of car where people in other Elements WAVE TO YOU when you pass them on the road.

THEY WAVE! How bizzare! Does this happen to any of you in your make/model of cars? Or is it only an 'Element' thing? And, should I join the waving club? Or keep my hands on the wheel?

I'm so confused.

Pregnant! Week Five.

Thank you all so much for your excitement and well-wishes! We are THRILLED and have been having a blast telling our friends and family the exciting news this past week. WE'RE GONNA HAVE A BABY!!!!! &^@%*&^@%#*(&@#)(@!!!

Here are the deets:

I'm about 5 weeks along right now. Baby is the size of a sesame seed. I feel really good except that I am bloated. ALL THE TIME. This happened with Ezra, too. I felt like a hot air balloon for the first couple of months. Wee! Quite uncomfortable. I also have moments during the day where I get extremely sleepy and all I want to do is nap. But, um, that doesn't happen so much with it being crazy-toddler-central round here. Ah, well! Also, I just want to eat cookies and cheesecake all the time. I don't remember feeling this way when I was pregnant with Ezra, but I sure as heck feel that way now. I'm limiting myself, of course, and drinking lots of water during the day.

Baby will be here around January 24th- Ezra came a little early, so I'm guessing it will be mid-Jan sometime.

I did not get morning sickness at all on my first go-round, so I am praying it will be the same with this pregnancy. So far, so good. My mom never had morning sickness either. I wonder if it's a genetic thing? Does anyone know?

Chris and I are contemplating having a home birth this time as well. We are still in the 'research' phase of all of this, but it is something I am leaning towards more and more. For now, I have my first appt. scheduled with a group of midwives that are based out of OU Medical Center. If I use them, I would give birth in a hospital, but have a natural birthing plan set in place and a midwife-guided labor. (Like I did with Ezra.) Either way will be great I'm sure, we're just trying to figure out which option fits us best at this point.

How crazy is all this? It still hasn't sunk in that there will be another human in our family in less than a year. Woah!

We went to a friend's house for dinner tonight, and there was a little baby there. Ezra wanted to hold the baby and 'snuggle' the baby and you could tell that he is REALLY excited to be a big brother. He was so sweet with her, I almost keeled over right then and there from the dangerous levels of CUTE floating about the place. It was totally ridiculous. He's such an amazing boy.

Ezra knows that there is a baby growing in mommy's tummy, and he has matter-of-factly determined that it is a baby sister. He's so excited! Then, he goes on to explain that there is also a baby brother growing in HIS tummy as well. Hmmm... good luck with that one, buddy. hehe.