Blank.

Unrelated tidbit: Third Trimester, you all! Woot woot!!

I've been feeling quite shy towards the 'Blogger' tab up there on my little menu bar for quite some time now... feeling as blank as this 'New Post' box, in fact, so of course I have not felt any urge to fill it with dribble or force out content on you all in the name of "just because". (sidenote: Yuck. Forced and obligated "content" is like nails on a chalkboard to me. *shiver gag*) I can't tell if this quietness is a result of some sort of preparation for what's ahead, or if it is something quite different: a stagnancy that is inevitable when the fresh water source is cut off.

(I'm leaning towards the latter theory, truth be told.)

God help me, I have been feeling so SO very blah towards Him lately. A loooong lately. An 'Ever Since I Found Out I Was Pregnant Again' lately.

What's that all about?? I don't know. These fogs sometimes come but always they go... yet this one I just can't seem to shake. Or perhaps I should say I just can't even muster up the desire to TRY and shake this one. I am not sad. I am not depressed. I am really happy and rightfully so- my family is amazing and life is great! It's just God that is suddenly... gone-feeling. And to say that is unsettling would be a huge understatement.

It's like I've been having to REMIND myself that there's even a void there, whereas in the past, when I was distancing myself from God, I felt it every inch of the way.

I stopped reading my Bible, even though I had a massive support system behind me in the journey. My prayers have been more like random sputters from an engine that knows it's done 'fer. And my thoughts towards Him have been few. Far between. And, perhaps worst of all, small.

All I can think to say is, God help me. Sputter. Sputter. God help me. Sputter. Cough. God help me.

Sometimes three word prayers are the best ones though, no? I hope so. It really is about all I've got right now.

I don't have any sort of epiphany to stick on the end of this post like a big red bow, I just have the faith that God honors honesty and realness more than falsehood or secrecy. I'm sure some of you have been feeling this way lately too, or have felt this way in the not-so-distant past, and I believe that talking about it is at least a step in the right direction, because, hey! We're all in this together... to help and be helped.

I feel a bit lighter already just by getting these words out... like somewhere way down deep the water might be starting to stir and move again. God help me.

Third Trimester.

Get this... I'm already in my third trimester somehow. I feel like I JUST got pregnant. This is all so very opposite of how it felt last time.

When I was pregnant with Ezra, I was bored most of the time. I worked the lunch shift at a restaurant by my house, which occupied about 4 hours of my day, and then I pretty much just... sat around after that. Eating sweetarts and watching Oprah. The days and months crawled by like a thousand million Christmas Eves. I journaled a lot. And wandered around a lot.

This time, however, has felt like hyper-warp-speed. Not that I'm a very busy person even now... but caring for Ezra has replaced all the hours of wandering and writing in journals that I had four years ago. And, heck, I must say that I much prefer the chasing of a squealing, laughing toddler down the hall all day to the lonesome wandering and journaling I did before. That got old and boring real quick.

So... yeah. Third trimester. The very last one. What the heck?!? This makes me slightly sad to think that I am quickly approaching the end of pregnancy already.



I love being pregnant. It's one of my most favoritest things.

Yet, I also can't wait to meet this boy. He's going to be utterly fantastic.

I think that some semblance of "nesting" is beginning to set in already... you can judge for yourselves by the fact that I spent a good chunk of time SCRUBBING MY OVEN MITS today when I should have been grocery shopping. Also, we've begun on the nursery. This photo is not pretty, but we're just starting the process of putting up wainscoting:



The chair rail & crown molding will go up next, and then the painting will come after that.

Also, I need to figure out what to do with the full bed in there. Part of me wants to keep it for after the boys are sharing a room, but the other part does not want it sitting around collecting dust somewhere until that eventually happens. We'll probably sell it on Craigslist. Or sumptin'.

Final thought:


Wigs are fun and silly!! Right up until one of those nasty plastic hairs find their way into YOUR MOUTH. The end.

Things That Have Made Me Cry (or Have ALMOST Made Me Cry) This Week.

Baby's new Owl Softie. Bought from etsy, made by this lovely lady who I just realized lives nearby!


Washing and folding all of Ezra's 0-3 month clothes and putting them in the baby's room... and stumbling across the premie onesies we had to go buy for him because he only weighed 6 lbs.



The gift of a tiny baby hat from great grandma Joyce & Tom.



Ezra's love (so much like mama!) of inching through chapter books night after night.



A note left behind for Ezra on his chalk board from my mommy & daddy.



My sweet boy who is always making me laugh till it hurts... telling me things like, "Mama? You look like a hungry dog!" and "Mama, you as big as a whale!" (Please see photo below.)


And, last but not least... Oy! This aching back!