The One Who Loved me First.

- On Thursday, Chris realized that the women's retreat I was meant to be going to the next day really needed some one to come set up all the sound equipment for them. And even though it was totally last minute and there was nothing in it for him, he drove THREE HOURS down to the retreat with Ezra in tow and set up all the sound gear for us. And then he turned around a drove back home. And he did all of this CHEERFULLY! Because, get this, he just wanted to serve the women of the church! And I fell in love with him allll over again.

- He followed me down there (I had myer in my car with me) and pulled over with me three or four times so that I could calm my SCREAMING baby in the backseat. I was meant to have someone in the car with me on the way down, but it fell through at the very very last minute. The stress of driving all the way down there by myself with myer almost did me in. I would have turned around and gone home in tears if my husband had not been there to support me.

- While I was away at the retreat, he cleaned the house from top to bottom and did lots of fun things with ezra. Including the first official "Ezra & Daddy Dance Party". (I will try to post the video they made later.)

- When I slumped through the door last night after the retreat, he had the house SPOTLESS, all the laundry done, candles lit everywhere, jazz music on the stereo, and a tray of fresh fruit and cheese out for me to nibble on. Also, THERE WAS WINE.

- He put myer to bed and told me to take a bubble bath. I went from being a stressed-out ball of nerves to a pampered wife in a matter of seconds. After my bath, I fell into bed, (which had fresh sheets on it, btw) and passed out from exhaustion.

- This morning, he woke up early with the kids. He made me coffee (as he does every morning). He had to leave early for church, but before he left, he cleaned all the stuff out of my car and put the kid's car seats back in so that I wouldn't have to worry about it.


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I know he would be embarrassed if he knew I was typing all of this right now, but sometimes a little public acknowledgement is in order. He baffles me. He makes me want to be a better human being. A better wife. A better mother.

And, something I have been learning through all of this love of his, is that it is a gift. A gift for me... but not just from Chris. It is a gift from the God I love. He loves me through my husband's love. When Chris loves me so well, I feel like I am being loved by God himself.

I am also learning how to receive these outpourings of service and love from my husband without feeling like I need to "pay it all back" right away. It's almost like, before, when Chris would go above and beyond for me, I would never allow myself to fully enjoy it, because in the back of my head I was already trying to figure out how in the HECK I could ever repay him for it all.

Doesn't that sound crazy? But something is changing in me.

God lavished His love on me even though He knew I could never EVER even HOPE to "repay" Him.

And just like with my husband, I think I have missed out on a lot of things that He meant to bless me with, simply because I've been trying to somehow position myself and prove that I had "earned" them. That I somehow deserved them.

Marriage is meant to be a picture of God's love on this earth: Selfless. Ever-enduring. Healing. And Pure.

And as much as I'm in awe of the gift I have in Chris as my husband, I'm even more in awe of the gift I have in Christ, the One who loved me first.