I am so excited right now, I can hardly stand it.
My ridiculously talented friend, Catherine Gikas, just posted the photos she took of Myer when he was a little over a week old.
I've NEVER seen such amazing baby photos before- and the fact that they are pictures of Myer makes me feel like the luckiest person in the whole wide world!!
You MUST go check out her brand new photography website that she recently launched- browse through the galleries- and if you need photos taken of your family, I highly recommend that you contact her! She's incredible!!
PLEASE go check out Myer's debut:
Go to WWW.CATHERINEGIKAS.COM
Click on "Proofing"
In the box on the bottom right type "Myer" (case sensitive)
What an amazing gift... Thank you thank you thank you, Catherine!!
February 18, 2009
February 11, 2009
Baby Love.
This picture makes me want to cry my face off from love and then have more babies. I never thought I was a "baby" person, but OH! I SO AM!
As it turns out, I just needed a chance to get comfortable around babies... and to get comfortable with myself as a mother.
When I had Ezra, it was like I was fighting against the mother in me... I still wanted to cling to the "old emery". I didn't want to budge one iota of my identity in order to embrace motherhood- because I was afraid of what I might become. Would I be boring? Stuffy? Paranoid? Would I lose all elements of self and be just another woman pushing a stroller?
Having this second baby has been so freeing for me. Because, Yes!! It's official!! I am a mother through & through! And you know what? It's the best thing about me. Being a mom has made me a stronger, more selfless person. And I've discovered that you CAN have children without completely losing yourself.
As far as I'm concerned, the 'old emery' can take a hike.
I much prefer the woman that these boys are making me.
MUNCHABLE.
February 10, 2009
Stepping Back.
There have been moments, in the past two days or so, where I thought I was going to lose it. Moments where I felt so overwhelmed I could hardly breathe. Where Ezra was demanding my attention and feeling overlooked and the baby was crying and my house was suffocating me with its never ending clutter.
Yet, every time I've felt that choking darkness creep over me, I've been able to stop and realize that, in reality, the world wasn't actually ending. This wasn't the actual Armageddon! This was just a moment of chaos in the midst of a wonderful life... a blessed life... a life that was going to continue marching on to goodness even though, for a moment, I felt like sitting down in the middle of the road and calling it quits.
It's always a good sign when you can quickly recognize your enemy. My strongest enemy in this life so far has been the lie that tells me I'm not enough. That my efforts will never add up, and no matter how much I try and try and try, it will never be sufficient.
That lie has kept its slimy hands off of me for awhile now, but a couple of days ago, I felt it return with brutal force. In one instant, I felt its grip around my throat and it left me mute. Trembling, even. It only took a few minutes for me to realize what was happening, however, and I was able to remind myself of the truth.
I am enough. I have all that I need. My hope is in greater things than smooth days and everything looking exactly like I want them to at all times. God is still good when the baby is fussy and won't let me sleep. Ezra is secure in my love and it's not going to ruin him to have to wait for mommy's attention or play video games for an hour.
Perspective.
This may sound totally silly, but there is a movie that I love that keeps coming back to my mind when I'm feeling overwhelmed lately. It's one of my all-time favorites. "The Family Stone". The thing that this movie has helped remind me of is that this is just a season in my life. One day, my kids will be older and grown and coming home for Christmas and filling my house with their life and laughter. And that later season will have it's own unique challenges as well, I know, but I find hope and strength in that picture all the same. (That movie makes me want to have, like, a MILLION more kids.)
That's one thing that has been so different this time around- something I didn't have when I first had Ezra- the ability to step back and look at my life with wider eyes. Eyes tuned in to the bigger picture. I know now that this is a learned skill, one that doesn't come easy or naturally. I'm so grateful to be learning this skill slowly in my own life... to know that my future (no matter what it ends up looking like) is GOOD. Because, God is good. I may not know anything else about Him for sure, but I do know that. (How do I know it? Only from my own story! I called, He answered. I leapt, He caught. Over and over and over it's been true. I've tested His goodness in my life and He has never failed me.)
It's strange how all of this 'stepping back' to look at my life has somehow made me more able to be 'present' in the now as well. When you're not feeling like the world is physically crashing down on your head, I think you're more able to laugh and somehow enjoy the chaos that otherwise would have swept you away...
In other news... if that old baby scale I stuck him on the other day was accurate, little myer elliot has gained almost THREE pounds in four weeks. Say WHAAA?!?!^#&$#^# He is wearing 3 month old clothing now. He is a TANK!
(Just one more way he's proving himself to be all things opposite of his {tiny} older brother...)
Yet, every time I've felt that choking darkness creep over me, I've been able to stop and realize that, in reality, the world wasn't actually ending. This wasn't the actual Armageddon! This was just a moment of chaos in the midst of a wonderful life... a blessed life... a life that was going to continue marching on to goodness even though, for a moment, I felt like sitting down in the middle of the road and calling it quits.
It's always a good sign when you can quickly recognize your enemy. My strongest enemy in this life so far has been the lie that tells me I'm not enough. That my efforts will never add up, and no matter how much I try and try and try, it will never be sufficient.
That lie has kept its slimy hands off of me for awhile now, but a couple of days ago, I felt it return with brutal force. In one instant, I felt its grip around my throat and it left me mute. Trembling, even. It only took a few minutes for me to realize what was happening, however, and I was able to remind myself of the truth.
I am enough. I have all that I need. My hope is in greater things than smooth days and everything looking exactly like I want them to at all times. God is still good when the baby is fussy and won't let me sleep. Ezra is secure in my love and it's not going to ruin him to have to wait for mommy's attention or play video games for an hour.
Perspective.
This may sound totally silly, but there is a movie that I love that keeps coming back to my mind when I'm feeling overwhelmed lately. It's one of my all-time favorites. "The Family Stone". The thing that this movie has helped remind me of is that this is just a season in my life. One day, my kids will be older and grown and coming home for Christmas and filling my house with their life and laughter. And that later season will have it's own unique challenges as well, I know, but I find hope and strength in that picture all the same. (That movie makes me want to have, like, a MILLION more kids.)
That's one thing that has been so different this time around- something I didn't have when I first had Ezra- the ability to step back and look at my life with wider eyes. Eyes tuned in to the bigger picture. I know now that this is a learned skill, one that doesn't come easy or naturally. I'm so grateful to be learning this skill slowly in my own life... to know that my future (no matter what it ends up looking like) is GOOD. Because, God is good. I may not know anything else about Him for sure, but I do know that. (How do I know it? Only from my own story! I called, He answered. I leapt, He caught. Over and over and over it's been true. I've tested His goodness in my life and He has never failed me.)
It's strange how all of this 'stepping back' to look at my life has somehow made me more able to be 'present' in the now as well. When you're not feeling like the world is physically crashing down on your head, I think you're more able to laugh and somehow enjoy the chaos that otherwise would have swept you away...
(Just one more way he's proving himself to be all things opposite of his {tiny} older brother...)
February 6, 2009
Four.
Dear Ezra,
Today you are four years old.
It seems you've decided that this is a day of big changes. It started out small, when this morning you promptly declared that you would eat your ENTIRE banana. When I asked why this blessed change had come, you said, "Because I'm four now." And you did... you ate ALL your banana. I was shocked. (You never eat all your fruit willingly.)
Then, later, you told me that your room was messy, and that you would clean it all by yourself because "you were four now". Sure enough- your room was spotless by the time we left. I was thrilled!
One other thing that has magically changed upon your waking this morning:
You've decided that you no longer love the color pink. You've decided that since you are now four, you will like brown. Apparently, brown is a "big boy" color?
This has been a big year for you.
You've acquired a little brother! Wowza!
Seeing the love and care that you have for him already, in his short three weeks of life so far, has made me feel somehow... bigger than myself. Like you had been a little snowball in my care, and now I'm watching as you pick up steam and roll down the mountain on your own- getting larger and faster with every turn- and who knows where you'll end up? Every time I look at you, you are lovelier and sweeter than the moment before. More caring and precious to me than even one second earlier. And you've taken on the role of 'big brother' like a knight pulling on his armor. It suits you. It will strengthen you. You were created, in part, to be a brother- and I can't wait to watch you as you grow into this calling. (What a lucky little brother you have!)
You are also starting to fall in love with your friends. The friends who have been in your playgroup for years and the friends you've made at school and at church. This has been a joy for me to watch unfold in your heart... you are such a sweet little buddy. You love your friends fiercely, and I know that in the years ahead, you will have many of them around you... good and loyal friends who will feel the love you have for them and gladly return it.
You are doing so well, Ezzie Bug. I am proud to call you my son. I am proud of who you are and who you are becoming. Thank you for constantly showing me how to live and love brightly... You are an amazing teacher.
Happy happy Birthday!!!!
Love,
Mamma
Today you are four years old.
It seems you've decided that this is a day of big changes. It started out small, when this morning you promptly declared that you would eat your ENTIRE banana. When I asked why this blessed change had come, you said, "Because I'm four now." And you did... you ate ALL your banana. I was shocked. (You never eat all your fruit willingly.)
Then, later, you told me that your room was messy, and that you would clean it all by yourself because "you were four now". Sure enough- your room was spotless by the time we left. I was thrilled!
One other thing that has magically changed upon your waking this morning:
You've decided that you no longer love the color pink. You've decided that since you are now four, you will like brown. Apparently, brown is a "big boy" color?
This has been a big year for you.
You've acquired a little brother! Wowza!
Seeing the love and care that you have for him already, in his short three weeks of life so far, has made me feel somehow... bigger than myself. Like you had been a little snowball in my care, and now I'm watching as you pick up steam and roll down the mountain on your own- getting larger and faster with every turn- and who knows where you'll end up? Every time I look at you, you are lovelier and sweeter than the moment before. More caring and precious to me than even one second earlier. And you've taken on the role of 'big brother' like a knight pulling on his armor. It suits you. It will strengthen you. You were created, in part, to be a brother- and I can't wait to watch you as you grow into this calling. (What a lucky little brother you have!)
You are also starting to fall in love with your friends. The friends who have been in your playgroup for years and the friends you've made at school and at church. This has been a joy for me to watch unfold in your heart... you are such a sweet little buddy. You love your friends fiercely, and I know that in the years ahead, you will have many of them around you... good and loyal friends who will feel the love you have for them and gladly return it.
You are doing so well, Ezzie Bug. I am proud to call you my son. I am proud of who you are and who you are becoming. Thank you for constantly showing me how to live and love brightly... You are an amazing teacher.
Happy happy Birthday!!!!
Love,
Mamma
February 4, 2009
You Might Be Sleep Deprived If...
1. Within the course of one morning you have misplaced your car keys TWICE- Finding them once in the dryer and once buried in your son's drawer of Hot Wheels cars.
2. You're hungry for greasy lunch at 9:50 in the morning.
3. You fall asleep in the bathtub.
4. It's 2:00 in the afternoon and you STILL have not located your missing cup of morning coffee. (oh god could THAT be in the dryer too?)
5. You almost forget to cover yourself up while breastfeeding at the library.
6. Your older son suddenly decides to stop taking naps on the very day that your newborn arrives in this world. Joy of joys!
7. You giggle like a school girl when your sweet little midwife tells you about the 'fancy new lambskin condoms' at your first postpartum appointment. Then you turn beet red from embarrassment.
8. You're having trouble keeping the numbers in order while typing this blog list. ("Is it six and then seven? Or the other way around?")
9. Wow! This has been *such* a small post for ONE MA-JILLION TYPOS.
10.
11. Oh, sorry, I was staring into space just then.
AND...
12. You're still blissfully happy even though you can't think straight- because the thing keeping you up at night is this:
Now, if only he'd sleep this peacefully when the sun went DOWN...
January 31, 2009
I Can Do This. (I Think.)
This is a sampling of photos that my friend Samantha Lamb came and took a couple of days ago. She is an amazing artist and photographer... check out her site and keep your eyes peeled for her shows here in the OKC area! Thanks, Sam!
Yesterday was my first day alone with both kids, and I was kindof freaking out about it the night before. I didn't have any confidence in myself and I felt like a little kid lost in the never-ending isles of a grocery store. I felt scared and I really didn't think I could do it.
But, when Monday rolled around, I did just fine. I got up and took a shower and got dressed. I put on makeup. I took the boys out to lunch before our playgroup date, and started to freak out a little when I realized I'd have to figure out a way to carry my drink and the carseat (BEAST heavy!) and the food back out the door- all while trying to keep Ezra out of traffic and harm's way. But it was easy. I carefully put my drink in the food bag so that it only took one hand to carry it all. I grabbed the carseat and realized that all those years of training and disciplining my son are sooooo paying off now, because he listens to what I say and he stays close by me when I ask him to. Easy Breezy.
Playgroup was wonderful- and getting to spend time talking with other mommies was exactly what I needed. I felt my confidence growing stronger as the day rolled on. In the evening, we took the kids to our friend Joel's birthday party (HAPPY 31rst, bestest buddy!!) and I was reminded of how utterly ADAPTABLE kids really are. Ezra was asleep on the couch most of the night, and Myer was totally chill as we passed him around to our friends to hold. When others weren't cuddling him, he hung out in the sling and slept. It was so fun.
I can do this.
{I think.}
Today, Ezra is in school till 2:00, and Chris took him this morning, so I didn't even have to worry about getting both kids out of the house. Myer and I have been chilling at home and cleaning the bedroom/doing laundry. Later, we'll all go to the library and then it's yummy pizza dinner with Chris' parents tonight.
It's so strange how life just rolls right on... how it feels like Myer was born AGES and AGES ago...
Almost like he's been here all along.
I can totally do this.
January 29, 2009
A Tutorial for the Men: "How to Be Sexy."
Step One: Be a loving & dedicated father.
And... BAM! You're instantly sexy!
{rawr!!}
January 27, 2009
Iced In.
We are all snowed/iced in today.
And I could not be happier about that if I tried.
The babe is two weeks old now. Ezra has been just what I expected him to be- an extremely dedicated helper to momma and a passionate brother to Myer. He loves to hold the baby, kiss the baby, "pet" the baby. When Myer makes any sort of noise he is immediately engrossed in finding a solution for all of Myer's problems...
"Maybe he's hungry, or somefing, mamma?"
"Maybe he wants his pacifier, or somefing, mamma?" (which he will then run and retrieve.)
He is fantastic.
*******************************************
In other news, it seems this little blog has been nominated for An Okie Blog Award! How fun! I am in the 'Best Family Blog' category, pitted against my friend Piper (who I would personally vote for).
Here's the catch: you've got to be an Oklahoma blogger to cast your vote. So, if you live in Oklahoma and have a blog, click that link and vote away! While you're there, check out all the other amazing blogs this state has to offer!
Thank you thank you!
And I could not be happier about that if I tried.
The babe is two weeks old now. Ezra has been just what I expected him to be- an extremely dedicated helper to momma and a passionate brother to Myer. He loves to hold the baby, kiss the baby, "pet" the baby. When Myer makes any sort of noise he is immediately engrossed in finding a solution for all of Myer's problems...
"Maybe he's hungry, or somefing, mamma?"
"Maybe he wants his pacifier, or somefing, mamma?" (which he will then run and retrieve.)
He is fantastic.
In other news, it seems this little blog has been nominated for An Okie Blog Award! How fun! I am in the 'Best Family Blog' category, pitted against my friend Piper (who I would personally vote for).
Here's the catch: you've got to be an Oklahoma blogger to cast your vote. So, if you live in Oklahoma and have a blog, click that link and vote away! While you're there, check out all the other amazing blogs this state has to offer!
Thank you thank you!
January 24, 2009
It Takes a Village.
First of all, I'm ridiculously in love. Like... head in the clouds, butterflies in the tummy, 'I'm gonna write you love poems all day' IN LOVE.
Today is Myer's official due date. I CANNOT even fathom still being pregnant today... I am so SO glad that this goober decided to show up 12 days early. Happy Due Date, Myer Bean!
He's such a good baby. It takes a lot to get this guy to cry. He mostly grunts. And when he locks eyes with you, you feel like you're looking wisdom in the face. He likes to just look around and chill when he's awake. Like he's taking in the scene and wondering who these wacky people are that hover over him all day- cooing like smitten doves.
My mom has been here since the 16th. I can't even begin to relate how wonderful this has been. She is taking very good care of us... cleaning the house and doing all the laundry and dishes... entertaining Ezra for hours on end and handling most of the bedtimes. She's put her life completely on hold to come care for us, and there is NO WAY the transition back home with two children would be going so smoothly if it weren't for her. She's Wonder Woman. She's a power house. She's full of life and enegry. She's... MoMar!
Having a child really forces you to look at the community and support system that you have created for yourself- that you have spent years or months or decades building up around you. And, having another child, for Chris and I, has opened our eyes to see exactly how loved and cared for we really are. It has felt like a big, smooshy hug. Like a safety net of sorts. Like the best feeling in the world.
For the past twelve nights, we have had a home cooked, AMAZING meal delivered to our door by people who love us. And the food is still coming! Chris has been able to come home from work and just sit and hold his son, because we have not had to worry about making meals. Also? The leftovers are to DIE for.
I believe in the old truism that says "it takes a village to raise a child". I really do. I am aware that I need help and support to make it through the tough times. I am aware that life is much richer when you can celebrate personal joys with a multitude. I am fully conscious of the fact that we need each other in this life.
And I am so grateful to my friends and family for gathering around us during this precious time with our new son... I couldn't ask for anything more. We are so very blessed.
January 20, 2009
Myer Elliot's Birth Story.
The day before Myer was born (Sunday), I was having irregular contractions- anywhere from 9 to 20 minutes apart. Then they would stop completely for awhile. They were nothing more than slightly uncomfortable, so I wasn't sure that anything was happening. I went to bed that night and slept comfortably, only waking up a few times to whimper through a contraction before falling right back to sleep again.
At 6:00 am, I had a couple of contractions that felt a little bit stronger. I was up and out of bed around 7:00. Contractions were still sporadic.
Then 7:30AM came along. Suddenly, my contractions were only 5 minutes apart and I couldn't talk through them anymore. We timed these contractions for about 45 minutes before my husband's gut instinct told him he needed to get me to the hospital... much sooner than later.
He scooped Ezra up in one arm, still in his PJs, scooping his bowl of cereal up in the other hand, and jogged down the street to my neighbor Nikki's house. All I can say about this is THANK GOD FOR NIKKI. Yes, indeed.
He jogged back to the house and grabbed a few last minute things, all the while I'm squatting and working my way through intense contractions. Then we get in the car and drive the 20 minutes to the hospital. It only felt like 2 minutes to me.
We got up to the labor & delivery floor and went up to the check-in desk. There was another woman waiting in front of me- also in labor- but there was no one behind the desk. NO ONE BEHIND THE DESK! For a good 5 minutes, I writhed on the floor and moaned. FINALLY, a woman stuck her head around the corner and was all, "Can I help you? I've been sitting right here the whole time." THE WHOLE TIME. I was soooo pissed.
This woman proceeded to take me to a room so that she could enter all my information into the computer system. I couldn't answer her questions- the contractions were too intense to talk through. Thankfully, another nurse came in and said she thought she needed to check how dilated I was right then because I was "looking serious". I thanked her profusely. She checked me and I was already 8 centimeters dilated. Say what?!
I cried tears of joy. I really did.
They quickly wheeled in a bed, plopped me on it, and took me straight to a labor room. All the while the nurse was yelling "History of rapid delivery! History of rapid delivery!" as everyone scrambled to get everything ready around me.
At this point, I was still smiling and talking between every contraction. My friend Leanne showed up to help us through the labor, and we were all chatting away and excited and making calls. When a contraction would come, I would breathe through it and I felt like I was totally in control and able to manage each one as it came. After each contraction, I was able to relax.
When my midwife, Leeanna, walked in I was totally THRILLED. She happened to be on the labor floor that day, which meant that the woman who had handled all of my prenatal care was going to be delivering my baby. If she hadn't been on call that day, she wouldn't have made it in time. I was overjoyed when I saw her face! We laughed at how craaaazy fast everything was happening and we tried to get my antibiotic IV drip started for the Group Strep B.
Somewhere around this time, my contractions started getting even more intense. In between each contraction I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I was still able to breathe through them and stay on top of them, but I could tell things were REALLY happening.
Chris held my hand and told me how flushed and beautiful I looked. He said I had that 'far away look in my eyes' like I was about to give birth to a baby. He cheered me through every contraction- telling me I was doing amazing- and helped guide my breathing and encouraged me to relax. In the midst of all of this insanity, I felt peaceful inside. I knew I was doing well... that everything was okay.
I could feel Myer making his way down the birth canal, and the pressure on my tailbone became very, very intense. It felt good to apply counter-pressure with my hand, and my midwife was laughing because she couldn't get me to move it out of her way for anything. So, she let it be. Did I mention I love her?
I was moaning and breathing and crying out as it came nearer to the time to push. It just felt good to make some noise. So I did. I think I remember saying 'Jesus' a lot. Because... well... OW. Jesus HELP ME.
My water broke. People scrambled around again. Not long after that, I managed to say "puu-shing!" I was fully dilated and his head was right there. Pushing was quite a bit more painful this time around, because it took longer (about 30 minutes) and my midwife was there guiding me- telling me when to push gently and when to bear down. I definitely felt the 'ring of fire' more this time around, but I was completely able to follow her direction... I was still in control. She used warm compresses and massage and Chris got to help guide Myer out. After a primal scream or two, all EIGHT POUNDS of Myer came roaring into the world. His head was 14.25 inches... and I didn't tear even one little bit.
That's the sign of an amazing midwife. (I tore with Ezra and he was only 6 lbs!)
I remember verbally praising God as they laid him on my belly. I felt nothing but joy and relief and nearly unbearable pride. It was 10:32AM. Less than two hours after we'd arrived at the hospital.
I was SO glad to be done, and I was INSTANTLY in love.
I'm still wading through the effects that such an amazing and empowering labor have had on me personally... as a woman, as a mother... but I know this much for certain: I am forever changed by his birth. I feel somehow... unshackled. Strong. Focused. Surefooted. When I think of his birth, I am completely blown away by God's goodness to me and my growing family.
He's an amazing, amazing boy.
At 6:00 am, I had a couple of contractions that felt a little bit stronger. I was up and out of bed around 7:00. Contractions were still sporadic.
Then 7:30AM came along. Suddenly, my contractions were only 5 minutes apart and I couldn't talk through them anymore. We timed these contractions for about 45 minutes before my husband's gut instinct told him he needed to get me to the hospital... much sooner than later.
He scooped Ezra up in one arm, still in his PJs, scooping his bowl of cereal up in the other hand, and jogged down the street to my neighbor Nikki's house. All I can say about this is THANK GOD FOR NIKKI. Yes, indeed.
He jogged back to the house and grabbed a few last minute things, all the while I'm squatting and working my way through intense contractions. Then we get in the car and drive the 20 minutes to the hospital. It only felt like 2 minutes to me.
We got up to the labor & delivery floor and went up to the check-in desk. There was another woman waiting in front of me- also in labor- but there was no one behind the desk. NO ONE BEHIND THE DESK! For a good 5 minutes, I writhed on the floor and moaned. FINALLY, a woman stuck her head around the corner and was all, "Can I help you? I've been sitting right here the whole time." THE WHOLE TIME. I was soooo pissed.
This woman proceeded to take me to a room so that she could enter all my information into the computer system. I couldn't answer her questions- the contractions were too intense to talk through. Thankfully, another nurse came in and said she thought she needed to check how dilated I was right then because I was "looking serious". I thanked her profusely. She checked me and I was already 8 centimeters dilated. Say what?!
I cried tears of joy. I really did.
They quickly wheeled in a bed, plopped me on it, and took me straight to a labor room. All the while the nurse was yelling "History of rapid delivery! History of rapid delivery!" as everyone scrambled to get everything ready around me.
At this point, I was still smiling and talking between every contraction. My friend Leanne showed up to help us through the labor, and we were all chatting away and excited and making calls. When a contraction would come, I would breathe through it and I felt like I was totally in control and able to manage each one as it came. After each contraction, I was able to relax.
When my midwife, Leeanna, walked in I was totally THRILLED. She happened to be on the labor floor that day, which meant that the woman who had handled all of my prenatal care was going to be delivering my baby. If she hadn't been on call that day, she wouldn't have made it in time. I was overjoyed when I saw her face! We laughed at how craaaazy fast everything was happening and we tried to get my antibiotic IV drip started for the Group Strep B.
Somewhere around this time, my contractions started getting even more intense. In between each contraction I closed my eyes and tried to relax. I was still able to breathe through them and stay on top of them, but I could tell things were REALLY happening.
Chris held my hand and told me how flushed and beautiful I looked. He said I had that 'far away look in my eyes' like I was about to give birth to a baby. He cheered me through every contraction- telling me I was doing amazing- and helped guide my breathing and encouraged me to relax. In the midst of all of this insanity, I felt peaceful inside. I knew I was doing well... that everything was okay.
I could feel Myer making his way down the birth canal, and the pressure on my tailbone became very, very intense. It felt good to apply counter-pressure with my hand, and my midwife was laughing because she couldn't get me to move it out of her way for anything. So, she let it be. Did I mention I love her?
I was moaning and breathing and crying out as it came nearer to the time to push. It just felt good to make some noise. So I did. I think I remember saying 'Jesus' a lot. Because... well... OW. Jesus HELP ME.
My water broke. People scrambled around again. Not long after that, I managed to say "puu-shing!" I was fully dilated and his head was right there. Pushing was quite a bit more painful this time around, because it took longer (about 30 minutes) and my midwife was there guiding me- telling me when to push gently and when to bear down. I definitely felt the 'ring of fire' more this time around, but I was completely able to follow her direction... I was still in control. She used warm compresses and massage and Chris got to help guide Myer out. After a primal scream or two, all EIGHT POUNDS of Myer came roaring into the world. His head was 14.25 inches... and I didn't tear even one little bit.
That's the sign of an amazing midwife. (I tore with Ezra and he was only 6 lbs!)
I remember verbally praising God as they laid him on my belly. I felt nothing but joy and relief and nearly unbearable pride. It was 10:32AM. Less than two hours after we'd arrived at the hospital.
I was SO glad to be done, and I was INSTANTLY in love.
I'm still wading through the effects that such an amazing and empowering labor have had on me personally... as a woman, as a mother... but I know this much for certain: I am forever changed by his birth. I feel somehow... unshackled. Strong. Focused. Surefooted. When I think of his birth, I am completely blown away by God's goodness to me and my growing family.
He's an amazing, amazing boy.
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