Tiny Dancer.

My first baby appointment went perfectly, and I even got the unexpected bonus of getting to SEE the little jumping bean for a moment, which was so fun!

My midwife had an ultrasound cart and wheeled it into the room so she could check everything out in there. I am measuring right where I should be and the baby was totally jumping around and wiggling it's tiny arms!

She took a picture but it printed out really small, so I have decided to take some artistic license and recreate it for you with the utmost attention to detail:



(You're welcome.)

We saw a strong heartbeat and the best part of it all was that Chris got to be there with me. It was so sweet, and I feel like I fell in love with this baby for the first time as I watched it dance on the mini screen.

A recap: There's a tiny human in there and I love it!

This past week has been one of pure exhaustion and nausea. I've slept 12 hours straight most nights this week, which is great and all, but I feel like I haven't had a complete {coherent} conversation with my husband in weeks. I miss him. You guys will have to forgive my lack of blogging abilities for a little while longer, due to the fact that the movement of the cursor across the screen seems to make me feel sea-sick. It's like a little sailboat blinking across the ocean waves. *yarf*

hehe.

Swished Into Reality.

Tomorrow is the big day! The first baby appointment. You know... the one where you hear your baby's swishing heartbeat and the whole world stands still and you cry every single time even though you're pretty sure you won't.

And, just like the last two times, it will be the day that it all becomes REAL for me.

It's a miraculous thing, hearing a separate heartbeat coming from the depths of you. It's like your child's first communication with the world and from that point on you never feel alone even if you're all by yourself.

This pregnancy has been hard so far. I think it's the combined factors of a) it not being as 'planned' as the others, and b) the unending nausea that never leaves and makes my tummy feel skunk-ish, and c) the fact that I have not gotten to really see any friends or celebrate since I found out. It's been hard for me to feel the expected excitement because of these things. I found out right before my trip to Utah, and ever since we've been back, Myer and I have just not been well enough to be out and about, so it almost feels like one of my favorite parts of pregnancy (the telling all your friends and squealing part) just didn't happen this time around.

It's not the end of the world, I know. It just has made things feels a little more distant and disconnected.

That is why I am so dang excited for tomorrow.

I know that that beautiful swishing sound will drown out all these petty complaints and fill my ears with reality... the reality that new life is always good and always beautiful and that the celebration of it is only just beginning...

Chicken Pox, Impetigo, Allergies, Oh My!

First off- Ezra's school is INCREDIBLE.

The teachers! The kids! The mentors! We love it all. It's like a little hidden gem right in my own backyard-- rated the top public charter school in the country... and we had NO idea it was even there when we moved in 4 years ago.

It's not in the best neighborhood. It's not the newest, shiniest building. Ezra's little pale white head stands out noticeably in the sea of beautiful black faces. But you can feel the heart of the place when you walk in the front doors and it's ALIVE and JOYFUL. I can't wait to pour myself into that school as much as I can. To serve it and help it and support it.

And Ezra LOVES it! Hooray!



I have been feeling sooooo sick the last week or so. I've never been this nauseous with a pregnancy before, so I wasn't expecting it. (Girl, perhaps?) It has pretty much laid me flat all week. Now I am just trying to figure out a way to live around it since it seems to be here to stay for a bit. I'm 9 weeks along now and not nearly as LARGE as I was at this time with Myer. I remember thinking there were quadruplets in there when I was first pregnant with him. haha. (phew!) I would post a picture to start the 'pregnancy belly shots', but it seems silly to do when there's no belly yet. I'll spare you until there's actually something to see!



We thought Myer had the chicken pox this week. We were keeping him away from other kids and just waiting for the spots to go away. But when the spots started getting WORSE, I took him into the doctor and found out it wasn't the chicken pox at all. It was a raging case of impetigo that popped up all over his body from when we were in Utah and his eczema got so bad. Poor kid.

I'm praying SO hard that God will take all these crazy allergies away. They make him so miserable most of the time. I have faith that He will heal my little Myer so that he can eat yummy food and play outside and be around the pets and animals that he is OBSESSED with.

Speaking of his allergies, I still haven't found my stride with them yet. The one thing that is making this so hard is that I HATE cooking. I have never really done it or been good at it or had any desire to change that fact. And all these allergy resources and webpages that I'm finding about wheat-free, egg-free, nut-free foods require elaborate COOKING with hours spent in the KITCHEN and fancy flours and MEAL PLANNING and OH MY GORB I just want to stick something in the microwave and feed the kid!!! I am openly admitting that I am lazy. I know it. I have never had any interest in food personally. I eat because I have to, not because I enjoy it. The day that they finally invent a pill that will replace entire meals will be a happy one in my books.

Right now Myer rotates between about three things: oatmeal, hot dogs or ham, and sometimes corn quesedillas. He loves fruit and sweet potatoes, but it's the actual filling of his tummy with substantial food that just about kills me three times a day. He will also sometimes eat gluten free macaroni, if all the planets are aligned and a golden cardinal swoops by the window at the exact moment of his first bite.

He's on medication every day, twice a day. Anti-histamines. But still... every single time he goes outside or gets around a dog or is around too much dust or we use the wrong detergent or he eats the wrong food or gets too hot and sweaty, his skin flares up and he claws at himself until he's raw and it takes a week or two to get it to calm back down again.

I don't feel like I'm handling this gracefully yet. And I wonder if I ever will. It all just seems like too much, you know? Like, I narrow in on the food (like I've been doing the past three months) and keep him on his meds, but then he goes outside or gets overheated and all that hard work goes right out the window. I feel like throwing in the towel about 100 times a day, to be honest.

I just want God to take it all away. Maybe that sounds like a cop-out, but I just can't protect this kid from every single thing every second of the day. I just can't. I know God will never give me more than I can handle, but I think maybe He overestimated me a little bit on this one. Me needs a miracle here, people.

*end of allergy rant sigh*

He's lucky he's so stinkin' cute. hehe.

10 days, 10 years, First Day, 8 Weeks.

After 10 days in the most beautiful place in the world, WE'RE BACK! Getting home was somewhat of an adventure... we woke up at 3:45AM to catch a plane in Las Vegas at 7:00AM, but there was crazy construction at the airport and I missed my flight. They told me to rush over to another gate and try for standby on a different plane which would take me to San Antonio and then to Dallas and then eventually to Oklahoma City.

Needless to say, it was a looooong day full of baby wrestling and nausea and cramped spaces... just me and two wild children. It went as smoothly as it could have though, and I must say that Southwest Airlines is a ROCKSTAR. They took very good care of my frazzled self.

After arriving home I took a bath and fell into bed and slept for most of the day. Chris went and located my bag later that evening, and ever since then I have been in total decompress mode.

One of the really cool things I got to do while I was in Utah was go to my 10 year high school reunion. My parents were kind enough to watch the boys and I drove over to Reno and got to stay with my oldest brother Jared and see lots of friends I haven't seen in ages!! It was so much fun, and I was able to actually find a dress that somewhat covered my awkward 2 month pregnant gut without being frumpy. Bonus!




(I stole these photos from my facebook friends. mwarharhar.)

It was a blast! I am sad to think that it may be another 10 years before I see some of these people again.

So, in other big news, Ezra starts KINDERGARTEN tomorrow. All day every day kindergarten! I am so excited for him, and I know it is just what he needs at this point in his life. He is a BUSY kid that needs to be entertained 24/7, which.... I am no good at. So I know it will be good for us both. We get to go meet his teacher later this evening. How cute! I can't wait.

As for the pregnancy, I feel mostly good. I'm a little shy of 8 weeks along and I am feeling a bit more nausea each day. Blerg. When I was in Utah I was so so so exhausted I could barely do anything, but I know these things just come with the territory. I've had a few freak-out moments of wondering if I am a strong enough woman to juggle three small children, but now that I am back home with my amazing husband, I am remembering that I won't be alone in it all. I have a wonderful community around me and help is never more than a phone call away, praise God.

I can do this. What an amazing gift three children will be!

We've Landed!

Me and the boys made it to my parents house in New Harmony, Utah!

The plane ride was as smooth and stress-free as a plane ride can be when you're flying by yourself with two small children. (As my freind Adrienne pointed out, I technically had THREE children with me. ha!) Myer fell asleep about 30 seconds after take off, and then I was able to keep them entertained when he woke up so that he never even fussed or cried. (Using mostly snacks and stickers and a book with doors he could "open" to reveal pictures under them.) It was awesome. On the way home we have a connection flight with a short layover, and the flight isn't right at naptime, so I have no idea what to expect. I am trying not to stress about that yet. But if you know me at all, you are probably laughing out loud at that last sentence. haha.

We are having a blast!


Outside the windows.


Inside the doors.


Freshly dug up and plucked from the garden by Ezra, MoMar, and me (and then eaten for dinner tonight... YUM!!)


Ezra's BFF, Pebbles.


Lots of fun playtime with DooDad.



Thank you for all of your helpful tips on flying with little boogers. I would never have made it here so successfully without you!!!!